Thanks for your advice, I will try that from now 
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Enlisting support from a spouse or an in-law is not as difficult as it may seem.
Simply ask.
What's stopping you?
If hubby says that he wants to relax then let him. And when he has had some time to do so then ask him to do something for you while you are doing something else. He's not going to say "No" is he?
Then once you are alone......softly say "Thank you for doing ___________ for me. I really appreciate it." It will do wonders to recognize the task no matter how little it may be.
Try rewarding him with these Thank you's for a week or two. Then see if the work doesn't get done on it's own.
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
looks around bedroom
hahahahahahaha
omg my husbands family has no idea what they're gonna get. I have half my wardrobe on the floor right now.
Enlisting support from a spouse or an in-law is not as difficult as it may seem.
Simply ask.
What's stopping you?
If hubby says that he wants to relax then let him. And when he has had some time to do so then ask him to do something for you while you are doing something else. He's not going to say "No" is he?
Then once you are alone......softly say "Thank you for doing ___________ for me. I really appreciate it." It will do wonders to recognize the task no matter how little it may be.
Try rewarding him with these Thank you's for a week or two. Then see if the work doesn't get done on it's own.
Waoooooo kash meri bhi assi aik aadh biwi hoti
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Find some lady who can cook for you at her home.... we get our food made from this Pakistani lady at very reasonable rates every alternate day. Its been such a blessing since we found her :)
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Or you can cook a whole lot over the weekend a d refrigerate and freeze a bunch of stuff. Have one day for cleaning. When the family feels like the house needs more cleaning they'll pitch in. And if they don't , they can sit in their own mess.
Definition of mess varies among people.
Are you cleaning your MIL's room and bathroom too??
I work about 10 hours a day (including travelling). I am expected to make dinner every night for my husband and mother and father-in-law. After that, I have to wash up and clean up. I don’t get help from husband or MIL.
At weekends I spend most of my time cleaning and cooking. The house is always left in a mess. Husband is very lazy, for example he just takes his clothes off and throws them on the floor, he is last out of bed, and leaves it in a mess.
Do your husbands have similar habits?
You said you are expected to - who set these expectations? Are you sure it wasn't you? - Sometimes us gals think that marriage means that you take over ALL the household duties. You are not suppose to slave away with cooking and cleaning ALL THE TIME.
Please make sure you are not setting up too much expectations FOR YOURSELF and it wouldn't matter to them whether you did or not.
Also if you are going to set the bar of expectations so high - believe or not it will be that high all your life.
If you had a hard day at work - it's okay to eat out. Make do with a salad or leftovers.
It takes practice but you'll learn short cuts to make your life easier with the cooking part - PCG mentioned freezing leftovers.
For the clothes - get him a hamper or a laundry basket - ask very nicely for him to put his clothes in there.
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Dukhi....I am sorry that you are in such a state. Statistics prove that we are in control of our own situation before anyone else is. If you are in fact "dukhi" then only you can do something about it.
I'm sure that there are many ways to sort out the kind of situation that has been presented in this thread.........just as I'm sure there are many ways to sort out yours'.
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
I dont find amusing when wives who work and complain they are over worked! cause I find my wife complaining it about all the time.... and hey the difference is she is not working at all. she stays at home and find cooking and keep kitchen a bit clean is too much and she doesnt get time for herself at all :)
no i dont have my parents living with me. and... i find cleaning and living standards are gone down since i got married, it was much better when i myself used to cook every second day after work and only clean the house on the weekends, and its the same house as i bought it 2 years before getting married!! but somehow wife still thinks its too much for her. i do help her out on weekends. now you girls tell me why she thinks its too much. and i am not kind of guy who leave things around. even i cook, kitchen sparkles during and after my cooking, same goes for bathroom, if i take shower over the weekend and find it need cleaning, i clean it myself first and then take shower.
in your case i guess its too much expected from you, so what you do manage it smartly and make some of the stuff be done by hubby or anything that MIL enjoy doing. i am diabetic myself and my mum too, though she doesnt live with us, but she do still cook for my father and light house stuff.
Best thing to do is start to gently delegate tasks over to your MIL and hubby. As most threads have said before being diabetic doesnt mean she's bedridden, the more you take over the more they will allow it, to be fair to your in laws how do you know they don't want to help but feel they are stepping on your toes??
Try having a cosy chat with your MIL and drop in how tired you get some times, other thing is when you get home some days just say im too tired to cook, get a takeaway.
It is very difficult to adjust to all this new responisibilty when newly married, i nearly had a heart attack at first, breakfast for me was tea before i got married and then after he wanted parathe and naan and heavens knows what (just for breakfast) and then dinner had to be fresh every single day, OMG i felt i had been punished but it did get better.
You need to start to plan ahead, like getting MIL to chop all the veg before you get home, tell her you don;t have the time in the morning to pick up his clothes, can she just fold them and leave them on the bed and you will sort out when you get back?? small steps is what it will take, don't make yourself feel guilty cause your MIL is diabetic, she still needs to be active, and again a gentle and sensitively put statement like she should keep herself active during the day to avoid any further complications due to her daibetes (not being funny but if she;s not doing lot a now, that will not help her as she ages)
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
why dont u arrange for a maid to come in maybe once a fortnight to help out? If its not too costly that is... a lot of girls do that here. The hubz has asked me to do that too, but im a bit lunatic about it... I will eventually get someone to help me out as well..
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Amour , she says she works plenty of hours during the day also at her job. There's a difference. Your wife is hanging out at home, not doing anything, and not even doing a good job with the home, and still complaining. This lady's descriptions sound nothing like what you face at home.
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Armour, is ur wife with a kid at home or just on her own? if she has a kid at home, id understand her reasonings otherwise i dont get it.
I dont find amusing when wives who work and complain they are over worked! cause I find my wife complaining it about all the time.... and hey the difference is she is not working at all. she stays at home and find cooking and keep kitchen a bit clean is too much and she doesnt get time for herself at all :)
no i dont have my parents living with me. and... i find cleaning and living standards are gone down since i got married, it was much better when i myself used to cook every second day after work and only clean the house on the weekends, and its the same house as i bought it 2 years before getting married!! but somehow wife still thinks its too much for her. i do help her out on weekends. now you girls tell me why she thinks its too much. and i am not kind of guy who leave things around. even i cook, kitchen sparkles during and after my cooking, same goes for bathroom, if i take shower over the weekend and find it need cleaning, i clean it myself first and then take shower.
in your case i guess its too much expected from you, so what you do manage it smartly and make some of the stuff be done by hubby or anything that MIL enjoy doing. i am diabetic myself and my mum too, though she doesnt live with us, but she do still cook for my father and light house stuff.
I think your situation is a bit different. Sorry to hear about your case though. hope it improves.
that don't work. Cause they use different type of psychology to still make you feel guilty.
okay here's a script of my life:
After 10 hours of work/commute time, wife returns home to find hubby flipping channels.
Hubby: in a lovely tone "aa gayi?"
me: smile
hubby: "what's for dinner darling?"
huuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh?????????????????????????????????????
__ scorching mad
Sorry Masti but couldn'y stop my laugh.
u can reply back equally sweetly...: Sorry Darling job pe khana pakanay ka time he nahi mila"
Sorry Masti but couldn'y stop my laugh. u can reply back equally sweetly...: Sorry Darling job pe khana pakanay ka time he nahi mila"
lol - but you see how he was flipping channels - HE could HAVE COOKED SOME - ye?
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
Dinner mein "Subway" hai would be my answer :p
I'm glad we found someone to cook for us :D
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
well ive been thinking and as much as i find ironing his shirts tedious and him prefering parathey and not normal cereal like me for brekkie, i also find he has a m illion lovely hABITS MASHALLAH like
he ALWAYS helps out with cleaning,
he will never let me pick up anything heavy
he never begins eating without me
even if i, as much as sneeze or get a little hot, he will make me lie down and rest and he will go make his own brekkie/lunch whatever and do everythn himself including making me something.
hes always asking me to rest, even if i am out all day shopping, and hes busy at work. he will massage me and il feel so guilty since hes the one working not me...so i shud really massage him.....
he never lets me massage him for more than 2 mins saying tumhare haath thak jaye ngay
AND
he always fulfills whatever i want.....well pretty much.
alhumdulilah mashallah hes lovely.
Re: Just got married a few weeks weeks ago...
but it is annopying, when he sits there watchin tv, and im making roti and hes like can you iron my shirt babes....and im like why dont u do it seeing as ur not doing anything as of now....
but this is a man habit....most men are malfunctioned this way.
One of my cousin's husband is very worst than your's because he even didn't bothered about her when she is ill, each and everything she has to look after including doctor and medicine. That's the reason she had appointed a server who had helped her a lot.
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