just found out something new...

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And? You yourself have admitted in your previous post that birth of baby is just an excuse, you actually just wanna run away, whats so wrong if MIL says that, its the truth? Is it not? I'm sure your husband is not a total fool or puppet, he can probably see that for himself. Six months is a long period of separation for married couple, and more importantly for a parent and his young children. But a token life in UK at your parents place means a lot more than keeping your own family together.

I'm not saying don't go to UK but surely there must a way to cut the trip short by few months?

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Okay well the only solution I see to this problem is one you will not like.

Go and have your baby. But come right back asap.

It sounds like your MIL doesn't really want you guys to be together. At least I get that feeling from your posts.

If you love him, you have to do everything in your power to make sure you guys don't lose track of each other.

I do think she can do some serious damage and believe you because I've seen it happen with my own eyes.

I know it will be hard but you will have to come back right away.

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Nadz reading from the post of yours in another thread where you said your hubby has liked you since you were 15, I think it's a tad unfair to doubt on his intentions or mistrust him to be brainwashed by his MIL. Yes the only solution I see here is then don't make the trip for 6 whole months. Come back a bit earlier.

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You know, I think your MIL just doesn't like you. You're an easy person for her to dislike and target. She probably doesn't actually want to end your marriage or anything. But she likes venting about you to others.

So just try to be the bigger person, and make sure your relationship with your hubby and children is solid.

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The MIL is smart in the sense that she knows her own son would avoid confronting her about every issue cuz he doesn't wanna be stuck between mommy and his wife........so she uses this to her advantage. AND another thing is that she can probably sense that Nadz takes everything to heart....and this makes her an easy target. Playground mentality....bullies will target you when you show that you let their actions get under your skin. Nadz has to be smarter.....she has to contradict MIL's words/brainwashing with positive actions...she may even have to fake it (such as praising MIL in front of the same people she gossips to)...but I doubt Nadz would be willing to be THAT "nice". It's easier for her to vent than to exert a greater amount of constructive effort.

She doesn't seem to understand that she can't have EVERYTHING (even with the issue of having the baby in England) her way. If she wants to keep her marriage in tact....she has to do some compromising...such as shortening her trip, etc. She doesn't get that somethings gotta give.

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Hmmm sounds crazy, maybe seeing a therapist would help, and your friend told you this and maybe it’s true however sounds a bit exaggerated. However there are people like your mil out there but without actual things done to you or you yourself without actually hearing them talk about you, can be creating this into a much bigger conflict. My advice ignore it, and certainly see some type of counselor my friend has told me it definitely makes her feel a lot better and focus on the better things. Also pick your battles well... all of luck.

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Is that ever a good enough reason not to like someone?
I don't think so.

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6 months away from husband with a new baby. Your husband is a saint for even allowing that. larki use your own head. don't leave the battle ground first of all...and secondly, if u must have your kid abroad, come back after the 40 day period. There is no reason for u to be staying away for 6 months!!!! Imagine the parent child relationship ure taking away from ure baby!

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Ms. Nadz,

Look, not everyone is lucky enough to have everything handed to them on a silver platter. The sooner you learn that the better off you will be. Some people have to work much harder than the rest to "earn" their happiness. Is it fair? No, but you have the power to change it. You have to earn your happiness, unfortunately, you are one of the unlucky ones.

No one else can take you out of your misery and you cannot depend on another person to make you happy- not even your husband. You are responsible for your own situation, either make it or break it. You are very lucky in a sense that you have all the ingredients to allow you to be happy. make good use of those.

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Nadz, you yourself are giving your MIL a very good opportunity to 'villainize' you by leaving for 6 months. Now why do you have to be away for so long, unless it's for some medical reasons is beyond me. If you aren't happy in Pakistan you need to find a permanent solution for this. Leaving for six months period just for temporary escape is not a very good idea.
1) It gives your MIL a chance to say to everyone, including your husband, "see, she is so irresponsible....isn't even attending SIL's wedding...going away for so long" blah blah.
2) You will not always have the luxury of going away for a full 6 months. Unless you plan on spending the rest of your life like this...half the year in one place and so on.

Frankly speaking, more than a change of scene what you need to change is your perception and outlook of life in general, and married life in particular. No one is going to look out for you in this life, other than your own self. So stop expecting anything from others. Also, you cannot control how others behave you can only control your reaction to it. And only that can determine whether you will be happy or not. Kiyunke you have only control overy your emotions and actions.

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go to the uk, have the baby but PLEASE MAN UP...come back, and face your responsibilities as a parent. For GOD'S SAKES THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED NOW...GROW UP. These petty is ne yeh kaha us ne woh kaha is gonna make you and your kids into nutcases...

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Btw, what does your own parents have to say about your all so casual decision to live at their place with two childern and no husband? Are they in any way encouraging the six months long separation?

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Listen to this woman!!!

She speaketh the truth!

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hey ok ok, well firstly im not staying 6months after birth, its 3months after birth, and my husband will come to the uk after 2months after birth and stay there for a month with me before we come back...secondly, im going in oct, due in jan, me and husband thought it was best as im 23 weeks preg and i have an infant with me, and airlines dont let u go after 26 weeks or so......so all in all, it has to be this way.

thirdly, most imp, vaccinations here in pak, are so many, and not enough info given. even today, i have been in pak a while and all my info is off the net. docs here are uncertain about things, i got my daughters MMR done recently, and the doc giving it spoke pure pashto and couldnt relay any info to me, plus men not allowed to take the kids, only females...so alot of problems here esp in peshawar...

so its best to stay 3months after, for all the immedicate vaccinations can be given to baby. thats more important. and husband knows and understands this. even if i did only the 40days thingy, and came back, itl be early march, im coming back end april WITH HUSBAND anyway....

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lol, no. they dont even know. and i just told them yday my husband has booked it ahppily, he knows all the stuff we have to do, birth cert, passport application, applying for paki id card, vaccinations etc all takes roughly 2 to 3months anyway after birth.....

im sure this wouldnt be the case had i decided to stay 6months with HIS parents and not MINE...

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why is my husband a saint for ALLOWING me.....come again?

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She doesn't mean it in the way you think. I believe what she means is he isn't making such a huge fuss where it becomes impossible for you to go. His cooperation is a pretty big deal in this scenario nadz...you will need it.

Dont leave the battleground woman...that is pretty good advice.

Another point she has is the child to parent bond which your husband will want with his baby...I think she is trying to tell you not to deprive your husband of that.

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yeh i know, but im sure he must know the benefits of me being there, plus we now have an outbreak of dengue here in pakistan, so it just keeps getting better, he also knows the lack of info from docs here, so im sure he must realise himself without me hammering it home.
we decided to get my daughters pakistani id card made here in pak we thought itd be easier. well it w asnt, took ages, process is long, and theres no helpline as such incase of queries, we couldnt keep taking her as it was soooo hot, and shes only little....and we still havent got the card yet.

Now had we stayed few more weeks in uk, process wouldve been easier and better. things here are complicated and take far too much time. he realises that now.

and yes, i dont wish to deprive him of any bond, but even if i gave birth here, he wouldbnt be allowed in labour room, and thats one thing i wanted. and it would be his sisters wedding in those days, he should be ok, if he wasnt feeling ok, he wouldve something by now.....plus hes not the emotional type, hes more practical and knows what needs to be done....

now since the dengue virus has hit peshawar, hes very worried about his daughter and me, so am sure he would be relieved when we finally out of here safely....

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His coperation is a big deal, i appreciate it. so is mine, for living here.

:)

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children under 18 don't have a id card they get a B form based on the NICards of parents. Being a single parent I had to face alot of problem getting B form of my daughter but even after that I got it in two weeks and I did not take my daughter even once to NADRA. They don't ask for the children to come to NADRA Office only parents are asked to come.

Pakistan is an ugly state with ugly and horrible people living in it. Please do yourself and this country a favour and leave . I wonder why you wed someone " made in Pakistan " since Pakistanis can never come up to your high standards.