Re: just found out something new...
if i were you i'd put so much laxative in the mil's chai, she'll poop for a week.
Re: just found out something new...
^ I wouldn't suggest that, because Nadz may have to clean it all up.
Re: just found out something new...
seriously, i would whoop her ass good. this world is lucky i'm not a wronged DIL.
Re: just found out something new...
Maybe whatever you post now and then is true...and maybe not. Who knows. ** But have you seen a shrink lately for treatment of POSSIBLE paranoia/**confabulation...and projection?
(Anyone who has confusion should read the meaning of these three words)
He told you to go ask his mother and you decided not to...and still blame him for not being supportive?
You should be concentrating on your pregnancy...he is right.
Wow.. the irony..
This from someone who accuses every other new poster of being a troll or secret Indian..
Is there anyone left who's ever said anything even slightly negative related to Pakistan or its culture that you haven't labelled a liar or troll???
Re: just found out something new...
Wow.. the irony..
This from someone who accuses every other new poster of being a troll or secret Indian..
Is there anyone left who's ever said anything even slightly negative related to Pakistan or its culture that you haven't labelled a liar or troll???
A lot. Including myself. ;)
Re: just found out something new...
Is any of this really new, nadz? Seems like you've known their feelings for a while. But you won't win them over by moping on here or around the house, or complaining to your hubby or to us.
What will work?
Re: just found out something new...
just found out from a good friend in the family, shes also a cousin, that basically my mil and sil before marriage were against him marrying me, and also still are. she told me that whenever mil gets together with her sisters and sis inlaws, they all sit there and she talks against me, always negative, mostly lies, she says things like wakes up at 2pm, i dnt do anything, i dont read namaz dont do rozey, argues with son, etc etc and god knows what else, im useless and so on and so forth......sil also says similar things to these lot, they dnt know that my cousin is also a good friend of mine and i asked her what they were saying so she told me. and so her entire family, as in my mils family, dont like me. all this wasnt a shock to me, but still stung. i ws upset, i had to tell my husband, as i found this all too much. just seemed her hating me more real, when someone else tells u. he told me to go and ask his mum infront of family, and ask her why shes saying this...he was supportive, but i still feel like hes just giving me advice, he just told me to forget it and concentrate on my pregnancy and not actually involving himself, shouldt he be more on my side here? or am i wrong.....
so glad im going back next month
So many MILs and SILs talks against the bahus that were chosen by themselves after a long exhaustive bahu shopping ..... kitne larkian reject karkay bahu lati hain aur phir wohi bahi kharab ho jati hai ......so what is new in that ? Bahus also talk bad about MILs and SILs ..... you open thread for them here. Why are you making an issue of it ? Your husband is right and you should listen to him.
sach main nadzz some threads of yours really made me sad and threads like this makes me think kay tumhara kuch nahi ho sakta ..... tum tension khud dhunti ho.
Re: just found out something new...
Ummm...anyone who says she should go and talk to her MIL directly about this needs to stop smoking.
You NEVER confront. Its not your job to. You arm yourself with patience, a huge smile and act like nothing they do is a surprise.
Because it shouldnt be.
I don't understand what you expect from your MIL...love? Compassion? Ladies, your mothers gave birth to you...not your MILs. If your MIL is nice, you're lucky and you should do what you can to make her love you even more. But if your MIL is not nice, don't be surprised.
Who cares what she says? Yeah, I know it hurts. But when was anything worthwhile handed to you on a silver platter nadz? Why are you expecting everyone else to just understand these things on their own without you having to teach some lessons?
You want to fix this right? Start using your brain.
Re: just found out something new...
The best revenge is to treat your enemy with kindness.
In this case, over the top kindness will work best and freak out the MIL, SIL, and their friends.
Re: just found out something new...
The best revenge is to treat your enemy with kindness.
In this case, over the top kindness will work best and freak out the MIL, SIL, and their friends.
Lol, that's the fun part. You treat them with kindness because you shouldn't emulate their behavior.....be better than them....but make them squirm. Agree with the points made above by Reha about you using your brain......and the one made by Diamond about how some of your threads are depressing and not so much because of your MIL/SIL's behavior (which is still wrong)......but more because one and a half children later.....you still don't seem to get it, Nadz.
You sound so stressed in your threads, I wonder how stressed you are in real life. And that tension that you feel will seep into your interactions with your husband and your children and affect those relationships. Right now your daughter is too young to understand, but kids are not dumb....they pick up so much from the adults around them....they sense your tension/mood. What are you indirectly teaching your daugther? That she should allow every single issue to consume her....eat her up from the inside? Or would you rather teach her to rise above and put out the fires in a more positive way...with greater composure/maturity...and clarity of mind? It's something to think about. Constant complaining is toxic, Nadz. It eventually drains loved ones of patience and positive energy....it can make them resent you and love you less. And all for what? Idiots that are never going to accept you?
Re: just found out something new...
the thing is, they are b*****ing about me to people that KNOW ME and know them, i come on an anonymous forum and its people who dont know me let alone them......so there is a difference.
and secondly, there is another thing that is worrying, and will most likely be happening in my absence, is brainwashing of my husband....his mum has a way of saying things and turning people against people. if she can do that in my presence, im sure shel make most of it without m...plus they are beginning o make me feel guilty about going for 6months....should i feel guilty....my husband will natuirally be upset/or whatever, how do i make him realise its something for the best, rather than me being selfish....i dono. i have a feeling that she will use the 6months to turn him against me....
Re: just found out something new…
now you have already found yourself a problem that’s a *remote *possibility for your next six months already ? honestly nadzi …what can you do about it then? Maybe not go to the UK so your MIL wont brainwash your hubby…come on am sure your hubby is quite rational ..don’t make him sound as a complete puppet 
Re: just found out something new...
nahi man, its a serious possibility, cos i know her. she already says things WHILE im here, im sure she will def say things such as deko how could she leave for a long time why cudnt she have kid here, how cud she take the 1yr old with her and miss her phupos wedding, what kind of bhabidoes that, does she not care for us, etc etc and slowly it will seep into his mind,
she works differently, she never OPENLY will say ur wife is xxxxx, she will make the other person THINK it for themselves by slowly seeping ****e into his head.....and at the end of the day, he aint over the moon about me going, hes not being moody, but its obvious he will be upset, so she can play on that already......
Re: just found out something new...
I have to go uk, for myself. im unhappy here. but its hard to explain this husband. as much as he knows it all, daughter in laws dont just runoff if they unhappy right? The baby being born there now seems like an excuse to me, i just wana get the hell outta here, but take husband with me preferably...lol.
Re: just found out something new...
I have to go uk, for myself. im unhappy here. but its hard to explain this husband. as much as he knows it all, daughter in laws dont just runoff if they unhappy right? The baby being born there now seems like an excuse to me, i just wana get the hell outta here, but take husband with me preferably...lol.
Stop being so ungrateful. Ek to you are going already to the UK for six months. That is more than enough time to overcome your unhappiness, meet your friends and family and self reflection ! Man if I were in your place I would run off to see my parents and friends (only the opposite would be there are in Pakistan) even if it's just for 2 weeks and then I would come back happy and content.
With deaths of loved ones, losing children at a young age, some couples craving to have kids, others losing their husband or ending up in a divorce - don't you have anything to be thankful to Allah for ?
Yes you could have everything your way. Whisk your husband off to the UK, with your daughter if everybody else was just a lifeless puppet/doll and you were the director of the whole play. Life isn't like that !
Just be thankful for what you have
Re: just found out something new...
i am, but im talking of the fact that what if she turns him against me in the time im away....make him think nadz didnt need to go uk it wasnt as if babies are not born here...and turn it against me.,dont advise me now NOT to go, cos id rather go....but yes i am afraid of her brainwashing him,.
trust me, i dont wish to think of issues....they exist.
Re: just found out something new...
the thing is, they are b***ing about me to people that **KNOW ME and know them, i come on an anonymous forum and its people who dont know me let alone them......so there is a difference.
....
Nadz, your MIL and SIL are not going to ***** about you on an online forum. Yeah, DUH, they'll ***** about you to mutual family members. So, where's the surprise in that? She probably started doing that before you and your husband got married. And you must tell mutual relatives about your in-laws as well. For example...your parents/siblings.....your cousin who is a close friend, etc. Maybe you do it on a smaller scale than your MIL....but I'm sure you've confided in a few family members here and there. Again, I'm not justifying your MIL's actions.
As for the brainwashing......I've told you several times already to behave in the opposite way of how your MIL describes you to people. Actions speak louder than words, right? So, if your positive behavior contradicts your MIL's comments about you......who woud appear the fool? Your MIL! People won't be so trusting of her.....and you'll be undoing her work without stooping to her level. People have told you to strengthen your relationship with your husband....quit complaining to him so much.....or calmly/cleverly tell him "Haan, we'll see when we get there" for issues that you and him don't agree on......to basically keep your marriage as free of tension as possible....so that when and if your MIL does try to brainwash your husband....he won't be so easily swayed by her because he'd know (through your actions) that you're nothing like what his crazy mother is making you out to be.
Re: just found out something new...
^ Stop offering her solutions. She doesn't want to resolve the problem. She wants to wallow in it.
Re: just found out something new...
sahar- I do wish to resolve them. it would make my life easier.but giving mil and sil gifts before i go-hmmmm i dont think so. but yes i can be nice and whatever. i dont complain to husband as much as everyone thinks i do here, its literally when im crying my eyes out, which isnt all the time, maybe 3 times in the last few months....i have said it calmly maybe once or twice too, that aaj yeh baat hui, i dont understand why shes like this......
but i am trying not to say anything to him,
Re: just found out something new...
but yes i can be nice and whatever.,
Then continue being the bigger/nicer person. Eventually your husband and others will see the difference between you and your MIL/SIL. Rather than waste your energy on people you can't control and who won't change...spend it on those that matter more, such yourself, your husband, kids, sincere friends/relos. If they hurt you, they'll get their comeuppance from Allah...He can punish better than you. It has to be tough for your husband as well...maybe even more so than it is for you...because he knows he can't fight every single issue as he'll be stuck between you and his mother and it's impossible for him to please everyone. Even for him to admit to you that his mom is wrong is a huge deal because I know some guys who can't even do that.