just found out from a good friend in the family, shes also a cousin, that basically my mil and sil before marriage were against him marrying me, and also still are. she told me that whenever mil gets together with her sisters and sis inlaws, they all sit there and she talks against me, always negative, mostly lies, she says things like wakes up at 2pm, i dnt do anything, i dont read namaz dont do rozey, argues with son, etc etc and god knows what else, im useless and so on and so forth…sil also says similar things to these lot, they dnt know that my cousin is also a good friend of mine and i asked her what they were saying so she told me.
and so her entire family, as in my mils family, dont like me.
all this wasnt a shock to me, but still stung.
i ws upset, i had to tell my husband, as i found this all too much. just seemed her hating me more real, when someone else tells u.
he told me to go and ask his mum infront of family, and ask her why shes saying this…he was supportive, but i still feel like hes just giving me advice, he just told me to forget it and concentrate on my pregnancy and not actually involving himself, shouldt he be more on my side here? or am i wrong…
If I were you nadz, I wouldn't let this get to my heart and I would concentrate about going back and looking after my baby daughter and spending a good time with my husband.
People love to gossip. Isn't that what Life1 is about. Am just wondering what would happen if some of the horror MILs stories are read by the real MILs herself (she registers an account here, it's a high tech IT world now :p) what fireworks would come. And we know you don't like your MIL or your SIL either.
Your SIL's getting married and she'd probably be too busy to gossip anymore because she would have these issues herself to handle. Meanwhile instead of being whiny about it and thinking of a tit for tat revenge...be the friendlier bhabi and bahu...and then with your head held high go to the UK and have all the fun you want.
And another idea: why don't you give your MIL and SIL nice presents before you leave and say 'you both have been so nice to me and been all praises about me too, I can't thank you enough for the support.' Say this out of goodwill, no spite! And then move on...other people shouldn't matter to you. It's your own family you should care about
Maybe try a reverse approach. When those relatives (that your MIL/SIL complain to about you) come to your home....or when you go to their home.....praise your MIL/SIL in front of those relatives. Let the relatives think that you're such a wonderful DIL who has such a horrible MIL and SIL. It's sneaky.....but it makes them look bad without you having to stoop to their level. And who knows...when your MIL/SIL see you praising them so openly in front of others....they may feel guilty enough about their own actions. It'll make them squirm...and that's always entertaining to watch, lol.
reason i know its not lies and is true, is because she has said the same stuff before to her other son, my bil, and i heard it all. and she says similar stuff almost to my face without the actually masala added to it, which she adds to her sisters....
dont worry about why my cousin told me, it wasnt gossip, but i was already wondering why her entire family ( who were around my house) WERE acting odd. she said they told her not to talk to me anymore and not to talk to my bil ( they liked each other).......
thing is, its not as if, all the things she said are true. they are lies. and ive done lots of cooking and i do my housework, but she doesnt WANT to like/compliment me...she will never aknowledge it, ive seen it myself....
and the reasdon i dnt like THEM is BECAUSE they dont like me..otherwise i have no issue with anyone...
Also, the most your husband can do is to acknowledge that his mum and sis are wrong and try to distract you so it doesn't affect your pregnancy. He knows that confronting them will only make matters worse. It doesn't matter if he confronts them on his own....or if only you do it...or if you and him do it together with your cousin in tow.....just gonna backfire. Besides, you know that your in-laws will never admit to their mistakes and apologize. I think that the reason your husband told you to go confront your MIL is because he knows that you'll come to realize that it'll be a futile effort.
I feel like this middle person "your friend/cousin" wants you fight with your MIL or she is just simply turning you against her. If she is such a good friend why doesn't she question your MIL right there an then when she says something against you. Nadz, your husband's family is your family. Things happen... people get upset.. there are arguements, fights but I think an outsider shouldn't get involved in your matter with your husband and your MIL. Next time your friend comes to you with "your MIL was saying this this... " tell her please be kind and tell her off from me. You shouldn't listen to anyone, do what you think is right. If you think your in-laws are okayish despite all the differences, who cares then what anyone says.
My husband's entire family was against him marrying me (they wanted him to marry his cousin), but you know what, after shaadi I started meeting them, I started inviting them over for dinners. I stayed in touch with them, bought presents etc. Now they are all crazy about me. Sometimes you just have to try harder because of the situation you are in. I didn't have to do all of this but I did to show them that I could be part of their family too. I sometimes still hear it that my husband should've married the cousin, I don't give a damn. That's a should've, what he did was totally different. Aisa hona chaheay tha, waisa hona chaheay tha.. yeah sure.. magar hua to nahi so who gives a ... If they talk bad about you, don't care. You are still married to their son who loves you, everything else doesn't matter.
And in her eyes, she will never be wrong. She will never admit her guilt or apologize…even if you were to capture evidence on video camera, lol. Heck any attempt from her at making amends…will just be a version of “Haai haai…main bechari…boorhi maa. Lekin phir bhi chalo..maafi maang leti hoon.” She’ll play the martyr role. Oh can’t you just picture it? C’mon try to find some humor in the situation.
Don’t dwell on her. Just praise your MIL openly when you and her are around relos. Make her look bad and feel foolish/guilty before the very people she gossiped to…without stooping to her level. Plus, since your preggers…the relos are going to be more sympathetic toward you (at least mentally) when you employ this strategy.
just found out from a good friend in the family, shes also a cousin, that basically my mil and sil before marriage were against him marrying me, and also still are. she told me that whenever mil gets together with her sisters and sis inlaws, they all sit there and she talks against me, always negative, mostly lies, she says things like wakes up at 2pm, i dnt do anything, i dont read namaz dont do rozey, argues with son, etc etc and god knows what else, im useless and so on and so forth......sil also says similar things to these lot, they dnt know that my cousin is also a good friend of mine and i asked her what they were saying so she told me.
and so her entire family, as in my mils family, dont like me.
all this wasnt a shock to me, but still stung.
i ws upset, i had to tell my husband, as i found this all too much. just seemed her hating me more real, when someone else tells u.
he told me to go and ask his mum infront of family, and ask her why shes saying this...he was supportive, but i still feel like hes just giving me advice, he just told me to forget it and concentrate on my pregnancy and not actually involving himself, shouldt he be more on my side here? or am i wrong.....
so glad im going back next month
please have mercy on yourself!
marriage, by itself, requires a lot of work & effort, but you seem to be working overtime to make it even harder for yourself!
You talk about your in laws and the problems you have with them on this site all the time. I have yet to recollect you ever talking about them in a positive way. So why is it different when they talk about you to others behind your back when you're guilty of the same?
Budhee ka demagh kharab hay why you want to go crazy like her at young age ? Go on with your life or work on winning her heart by saving her life somehow. Like if she is choking use Heimlich maneuver or if she is drowning save her from drowning , or if the house is in fire save her from that fire . Short of any of these heroic attempts you will never win her heart.
Now you can hire someone to create one of those situations and be her hero :D or keep getting all those heartaches. :@:
When she’s choking…pretend like you know what you’re doing with the Heimlich maneuver…but do it wrong, instead. If she’s drowning…jump into the lake, but then come out and say you couldn’t find her (even if you did).
For the sake of your own peace of mind, never ask others what they think about you. They may actually tell you the truth:) Similiarly, don't try to find out what people say behind your back. All of us, at one point or another backbite or say nasty stuff about others when they are absent. Hey, even you are always saying only negative things about them all the time here. So why does it hurt more if you get a taste of the same medicine?
And what do you expect your husband to do, to confront his own mother or to think that his mom is evil? That's totally absurd. Which child in the world would like to think that of their parent? Which child in the world, no matter how wicked their parents are would hate them, or side against them for the sake of others. You are his wife, yes that's true. But she is his mother, she gave birth to him, she raised him. I am surprised that you cannot grasp this simple fact even though you yourself are a mother too. Would you like it if one of your children comes tomorrow to confront you or to chide you for your behaviour for the sake of pleasing their spouse? So aisi situations create karne ki zaroorat hi kya hai.
Sabhi ek doosre ki ghair mojoodgi mein kuch na kuch aisa kehte hi hain. Just ignore it if it's not true, she will pay for it in hereafter if she is lying. Socho, agar woh gheebat kar rahi hain ya buhtaan laga rahi hain tou unhain hi gunaah hoga, tumhara kya jata hai?
And what do you expect your husband to do, to confront his own mother or to think that his mom is evil? That's totally absurd. Which child in the world would like to think that of their parent? Which child in the world, no matter how wicked their parents are would hate them, or side against them for the sake of others. You are his wife, yes that's true. But she is his mother, she gave birth to him, she raised him. I am surprised that you cannot grasp this simple fact even though you yourself are a mother too. Would you like it if one of your children comes tomorrow to confront you or to chide you for your behaviour for the sake of pleasing their spouse? So aisi situations create karne ki zaroorat hi kya hai.
Did she say that? Desis really need to get over this mentality of parents, husband or whoever else being on such a high pedestal they're seen as never being wrong.
Not talking about Nadz situation but it really shouldn't come down to taking sides blindly.. Parents deserve respect but at the same time if they do something wrong or unfair you shouldn't just think that's ok just because they gave birth to you.. They're only human and they can and do make mistakes... I would be happy for my future kids to be objective and not follow me like sheep just for the sake of it or out of some twisted sense of duty or loyalty.. would make me think they actually have a sense of right and wrong..
Did she say that? Desis really need to get over this mentality of parents, husband or whoever else being on such a high pedestal they're seen as never being wrong.
Not talking about Nadz situation but it really shouldn't come down to taking sides blindly.. Parents deserve respect but at the same time if they do something wrong or unfair you shouldn't just think that's ok just because they gave birth to you.. They're only human and they can and do make mistakes... I would be happy for my future kids to be objective and not follow me like sheep just for the sake of it or out of some twisted sense of duty or loyalty.. would make me think they actually have a sense of right and wrong..
quite true. If ones elders/parents are being unfair or going wrong somewhere it's ok to tell them very respectfully where they aren't right. It's more of the type of behavior to our parents that matters. Nobody would ever mind if a son/daughter corrects his/her parents on something obviously wrong and does it in a tameezdar manner. It's the badtameezi, rudeness, sulkiness which is wrong
just found out from a good friend in the family, shes also a cousin, that basically my mil and sil before marriage were against him marrying me, and also still are. she told me that whenever mil gets together with her sisters and sis inlaws, they all sit there and she talks against me, always negative, mostly lies, she says things like wakes up at 2pm, i dnt do anything, i dont read namaz dont do rozey, argues with son, etc etc and god knows what else, im useless and so on and so forth......sil also says similar things to these lot, they dnt know that my cousin is also a good friend of mine and i asked her what they were saying so she told me. **
and so *her entire family, as in my mils family, dont like me. *
**all this wasnt a shock to me, but still stung.
i ws upset, i had to tell my husband, as i found this all too much. just seemed her hating me more real, when someone else tells u.
he told me to go and ask his mum infront of family, and ask her why shes saying this...he was supportive, but i still feel like hes just giving me advice, he just told me to forget it and concentrate on my pregnancy and not actually involving himself, shouldt he be more on my side here? or am i wrong.....
so glad im going back next month
Maybe whatever you post now and then is true...and maybe not. Who knows.
But have you seen a shrink lately for treatment of POSSIBLE paranoia/confabulation...and projection?
(Anyone who has confusion should read the meaning of these three words)
He told you to go ask his mother and you decided not to...and still blame him for not being supportive?
You should be concentrating on your pregnancy...he is right.
Nadz, whether her/they wanted you there or not doesn't even matter anymore. You are a part of her son's life and that's what counts the most at this point. She probably feels defeated which makes YOU the winner. Ignore the comments and concentrate on all the good things in your life.
anyone else here will also pay RV for her advice? total chalako massi stuff right here!
