Just 5 years to live

[Dubaiwali]

The doctor has told you that you have a heart condition and you just have 5 years to live. You are nikkahfied/engaged to someone. Would you tell them what the doctor has told you? What if you were not nikkahfied but just engaged and your shaadi was tomorrow.

Would you still go on with the marriage?

What if on one side you tell yourself that you still have 5 years to live and you have every right to be happy with the person you love and live the rest of the remaining life with him. On the other side, you think you cannot be selfish enough to destroy his life. You are going to depart after roughly 5 years, you are going to give him love, happiness, and maybe children and then leave them all. You are going to take back whatever you gave him. You are going to leave him alone and hanging without you in this world.

Who is going to marry him after you leave him? Who is going to marry a man with a kid whose wife died due to heart condition? You have so many things on your mind and the time to take a decision is fast approaching.

You want to seek help from someone and confide in someone so that they can help you come to a decision but you are hesitant and scared to tell anyone. It is a matter of life and death. What are you going to do?

You want to cry and are angry with god for putting you in a situation like this, yet you think that did not god say that I am going to test people on earth and the ones that get the most hardships on earth are the ones that will be rewarded in Jannat.

what do you do? do you call off the marriage/annul the marriage or do you go ahead with getting married and think about telling the person later on?
So many questions, so little time…

[waterfall99]

Re: Just 5 years to live

Is everything alright ,Aisha?:aq:

[Skittlez]

Re: Just 5 years to live

Oh boy, thats a tough one. I wouldnt marry the guy because I know it'd be a selfish thing to do and that he'd suffer immensely later on for it, and kids would just be so lost without a mother. Thankfully though we dont have to worry about such things.. I dont know of any heart diseases out there where the doctor could tell you how much time is left of your life.

May God have mercy on us all.

[Dubaiwali]

Re: Just 5 years to live

Skittlez what if you are nikkahfied and you find out about this. What would you do then? It is an even more tough situation right?

[Skittlez]

Re: Just 5 years to live

Well to be honest, there is no such thing as a heart disease that puts a timeframe before death… but if the doctor were to tell me something like I have cancer and its spread too much and I probably wont make it, then yes fiance or no fiance, I would just leave him. Very very tough thing to do, especially when you’re already sick and dying, but if you love the person you want whats best for him. If he marries you, spends all these glorious moments with you, only to die every second afterward thinking that each day is one day closer to your dying date, well then thats not a life that I want him to have. Its better to sacrifice that than to leave him all alone hurting and lost without you when you finally do depart. Knowing myself as well, it would probably make me weaker also just to see him everyday and know that our time is much shorter than what I had expected or wanted. It would kill me and I think i would fare better without him. I couldnt see him suffer because of me… and I couldnt continue being with him knowing that its all gonna end very soon. Thats just the way I am though.

Its a sad thing, and its not something I ever wanna have to really sit down and think about. But I understand the basis of your question… these kinda things do happen. :hinna:

[Dubaiwali]

Re: Just 5 years to live

I know there is no such disease but there are some diseases where doctors say roughly you have these many years to live as in cancer or AIDS or there are some heart diseases! So if you were nikkahfied and you found out out that you have a life threatening disease/condition will you get a khulla then?

[Gr8Heera]

@Aisha Dubaiwali

Skittlez what if you are nikkahfied and you find out about this. What would you do then? It is an even more tough situation right?

Thanks for asking this question Aisha.

First Allah shifa day us ko jis ki bhi aap nain baat ki hai. Allah kuch bhi kar sakta hai.

Doctors are not god. They can just tell you but they can't gurantee you for those 5 years of living. Sometimes may be what they say be right and can happen.

Yeah doctor also told one of my relative she won't life almost a year. She will die very soon as her breast cancer is too bad. Masha Allah after many years she is still loving. I know one of my relatives she was a doctor herself got breast tumor and found out very late and died very quickly. So everything depends on Allah. Not on doctors. lol don't say I'm doctors hater. I don't know I don't like what doctors say. In my opinion they just do tukka and Allah give shifa to the ppl lol.

Now coming to the point. Mera rule to yay hai Aisha no matter what always tell the truth. No matter what hardship or nuqsaan you get just tell the truth and belive in Allah that you will be rewarded.

Don't mind telling me truth what I think. Agar main us person ki jagah hota to bohat khush hota kay Allah nain mujhay 5 saal day diaay apni jannat bananay ka aur koi aur kisi qism ki zimmaydari naheen hai sir pay. I think Allah nain apnay us bunday ko chun lia hai reward denay ka tareeqa ub us bunday pay munhasir hai kay wo apnay is time ko kis tarha reward main badal leta hai.

Aisha agar hum sirf aik baat sochain kaay agar hum Allah say mashwara letay to wo kia kahta kay jhoot bolo, dhoka do, ya khudgharz bun jao. Hargiz naheen.

So I would say tell the truth to the person. Don't be mean and don't add up more gunah to your short life.

Go ahead tell the truth. If that person loves you would love you more for that. Go marry him as you were engaged or nikahfied before according to Allah's will. Don't thing about what would happen next. Would you get kid and leave kid with him. Allah take care of very thing which is best for them. Allah pay poora yaqeen rakhain.

I think that person is lucky so don't blame Allah and don't do any shikayat to Allah. I would love to die with knowing that I have such or some times to live. I would involve myself every minute in trying to get Allah's khushnoodi and to get jannat. We all muslim surely know that this world is not our ultimate place. We come here to achieve JANNAT FOR US.

So yeah go ahead with your every day of life. Go tell the truth to the person get married. Only Allah knows how long would you live. Enjoy your life to the fill in the circle of Religion. Try to leave like a person who would ppl would like to follow.

Never ever shikayat to Allah but thanks to Allah.

You or Your means that person.

No matter what If something involves with someone don't forget to tell the truth as it's his right to know the truth. Marriage is two way traffic. So that person is supposed to know every thing truth about you.

Go ahead and first tell the truth.

[Dubaiwali]

Re: Just 5 years to live

What if you are scared to tell the truth? Scared keh kahi he will leave me? Scared keh sometimes even if the guy agrees and still loves you and wants to stay with you his family se pressure hota hai? Keh aik larki jo is tarah ki condition seh suffer kar rahi hai, how can you marry her? I am understanding what you are saying but aaj kal keh zamaney mai loog har kisam ki cheezain soochtey hain. So have to think from every angle?

[Gr8Heera]

Oh boy, thats a tough one. I wouldnt marry the guy because I know it'd be a selfish thing to do and that he'd suffer immensely later on for it, and kids would just be so lost without a mother. Thankfully though we dont have to worry about such things.. I dont know of any heart diseases out there where the doctor could tell you how much time is left of your life.

May God have mercy on us all.

Agar ussay shadi say pehlay pata chalta to? ya phir buchchay honay kay baad.

Allah take care of every one. We can't that is our wrong way of thinking.

That is not selfish to go ahead. If she tells the truth and person after knowing wants to marry her and have kids then it's not selfish at all.

For leaving kid it's a hard thing for me. But again you can't stop a soul to come in this world. You can just cure to try to not to bring but you can't really stop. It's all Allah's control. I also don't like controling myself what Allah made to happen.

[InToXiCaTeD]

The doctor has told you that you have a heart condition and you just have 5 years to live. You are nikkahfied/engaged to someone. Would you tell them what the doctor has told you? What if you were not nikkahfied but just engaged and your shaadi was tomorrow.

Would you still go on with the marriage?

What if on one side you tell yourself that you still have 5 years to live and you have every right to be happy with the person you love and live the rest of the remaining life with him. On the other side, you think you cannot be selfish enough to destroy his life. You are going to depart after roughly 5 years, you are going to give him love, happiness, and maybe children and then leave them all. You are going to take back whatever you gave him. You are going to leave him alone and hanging without you in this world.

Who is going to marry him after you leave him? Who is going to marry a man with a kid whose wife died due to heart condition? You have so many things on your mind and the time to take a decision is fast approaching.

You want to seek help from someone and confide in someone so that they can help you come to a decision but you are hesitant and scared to tell anyone. It is a matter of life and death. What are you going to do?

You want to cry and are angry with god for putting you in a situation like this, yet you think that did not god say that I am going to test people on earth and the ones that get the most hardships on earth are the ones that will be rewarded in Jannat.

what do you do? do you call off the marriage/annul the marriage or do you go ahead with getting married and think about telling the person later on? So many questions, so little time...

whoop ....... back up .......... back up a little. you did't need to go all the way with that post.

I can only comment on the red bolded part in your post, the rest is just foggy emotional thrust.

Now plz tell me why would this person believe in what this doctor has to say. A doctor can only tell you what s/he thinks is true based on their experience or what they have been taught from all those "stupid" researches/studies. I am not gonna give up on life just because a doctor told me that's it.

There is so much to this topic but let me tell you this. If you really believe that you have only so many days/weeks/months/years to live, then that's all you really have, not one day more. you are talking about heart condition here, but there are people with spread-out cancers and other diseases who are living examples of "happiness" and those same doctors who told them to say good bye to all family members ages ago, have no words for these patients' persistence.

In this case, yes one needs to take precautions and positive outlook and discuss it all with their partner but that doctors assessment should't be the primary concern.

[Dubaiwali]

Re: Just 5 years to live

@Gr8Heera

Agar ussay shadi say pehlay pata chalta to? ya phir buchchay honay kay baad.

Allah take care of every one. We can’t that is our wrong way of thinking.

That is not selfish to go ahead. If she tells the truth and person after knowing wants to marry her and have kids then it’s not selfish at all.

For leaving kid it’s a hard thing for me. But again you can’t stop a soul to come in this world. You can just cure to try to not to bring but you can’t really stop. It’s all Allah’s control. I also don’t like controling myself what Allah made to happen.

So according to you, she should just get rukhsatified and live a normal life and try to forget about what is in her mind? How can she when she will have told her fiance/husband about it and each and everyday she will have to be reminded about it by her life partner and also she will have to keep on visiting the hospital and have medicines?

It is a bit hard is it not? At least what I am getting from you is that she should not be selfish and get married if the person is still willing to accept her even though she has that condition and get a shoulder for support and a shoulder to cry on?

[Dubaiwali]

whoop ....... back up .......... back up a little. you did't need to go all the way with that post.

I can only comment on the red bolded part in your post, the rest is just foggy emotional thrust.

Now plz tell me why would this person believe in what this doctor has to say. A doctor can only tell you what s/he thinks is true based on their experience or what they have been taught from all those "stupid" researches/studies. I am not gonna give up on life just because a doctor told me that's it.

There is too much to this topic but let me tell you this. If you really believe that you have only so many days/weeks/months/years to live, then that's all you really have, not one day more. you are talking about heart condition here, but there are people with spread-out cancers and other diseases who are living examples of "happiness" and those same doctors who told them to say good bye to all family members ages ago, have no words for these patients' persistence.

In this case, yes one needs to take precautions and positive outlook and discuss it all with their partner but that doctors assessment should't be the primary concern.

Well of course the rest is just foggy emotional thrust, if you were told by someone about life expectancy will you not get emotional for a little bit for awhile? or you will not? Ok, let's say even if that is true and you do not believe the doctor and live the happy life, is it not true that your life expectancy will be shortened than what you could have had if you were not suffering from this disease? Lot's of visits to the hospitals and eating lots of medicines makes a person sick too is it not? Physically and mentally?

I know about the cases where patients have survived even though their deaths were pronounced by the doctors and they called it miracles. I am talking about in this particular situation when a girl is about to get married or engaged what she should do.

[adeeba]

Re: Just 5 years to live

^G8H……Thats should tell it alll

Aishu.., How can the doc determine that you(figuratively) got only 5 yrs to live?

Coming clean is the best thing, and you know what..if i was nikkafied to a person and then came to know about it, i would still love that person so much more…is that not why i married him?? and will spend so much more time with him.

Aur bachi bacchon ki baat,kya bolun…dont have any, if you are blessed with them..so much more love to share and to give the child of yours(you & his)..:). Mother’s die giving birth, they dont even have time to think ke, mere bacche ka kya hoga-- they dont even get to pick up the kid they gave birth to…yours will be so much more luckier.

Allah Taa’ala ki Marzi hai, if He has given a problem, He has provided with a solution as well.

[Dubaiwali]

Re: Just 5 years to live

OMG adeeba jee you are right! I did not even think about that from that angle! Of course some mothers die during childbirth and they leave their husbands behind with the baby! This way at least you can spend time with your husband and see your child before you die! But would not that be more painful to you?

IT WILL BE!

BECAUSE when you die during childbirth you are not going to know that you are going to die, you are not going to miss your husband that much and certainly not going to feel pain leaving your kids behind!

After spending some time with your husband and child if you suddenly know you are dying everyday and every breath will be painful and hurting to you because you will know keh its possible I might die soon. No mother want to leave her child behind and no husband wants to see his wife go.

Adeeba jee as I said in some diseases it can be roughly figured out or doctors do say. They say in some heart diseases because heart is a very sensitive organ and in some diseases you can get a cardiac arrest easily and die etc etc. This is why they give a time frame and also in AIDS. Anyways that is besides the point, the point is what the girl should do.

I know Allah ki marzi hai, of course agar Allah ki marzi na hoti she would not have been suffering wi†h this disease in the first place!

[Gr8Heera]

So according to you, she should just get rukhsatified and live a normal life and try to forget about what is in her mind? How can she when she will have told her fiance/husband about it and each and everyday she will have to be reminded about it by her life partner and also she will have to keep on visiting the hospital and have medicines?

It is a bit hard is it not? At least what I am getting from you is that she should not be selfish and get married if the person is still willing to accept her even though she has that condition and get a shoulder for support and a shoulder to cry on?

Exactly it's very hard and impossible to forget for a single second for that person that she is that much sick and going to die soon. I can't forget that day when Doctors said once that my mom is not going to live enough or one or 2 days if she couldn't get operated. Due to some reason reasons opertion room was not available and all were doctors even my uncle aka mama was a surgeon and couldn't help her anyway instead of crying and fighting with the doctors you could do this and that do what ever to save my sister. But yeah I don't know what they did and they manage to her get operated. I was too young at that time and I knew every relative was so mean and jeolous with us and I was thinking what would we do without the only person who was sincere to us. Oh my Allah I can't tell you my that feeling and fear during those days. Alhamdolillah. No one was there to help us. But you know what. Allah help everyone so yeah others helped us and my mom lived for masha Allah many years.

1 more time she asked us to talk me and my sister to secretly talk to us. She told me that she is going to have a operation and she might die so you have to take care of everything and do such a such thing. I was young at that time again can't tell you my feelings in words how I felt by thinking of living without the only person who took care of us. Again masha Allah she survived without operation. Lived a long time.

Yeah you have every right to live and live happly and achieve whatever you got. Yeah if that person agrees go marry if Allah give you kid take care in a best way. Take care of your husband. Do you know agar kisi ka husband kah day kay ussay jannat milay to us aurat ko jannat zaroor milay gi (if I'm wrong please don't hesitate to tell me). So try to win his heart by your behaviour and work for him. As far as I know kisi ka dil khush karna mutlub Allah ka dil khush karna hai.

So yeah by telling the person and if he agrees go ahead. If he agrees go get kids. Believe always in Allah that your life is in his hand not what doctors said. I lived whole my life surrounding doctors and I also have some kind of degree belongs to doctors. But I believe solely in Allah. not in medicine neither in what say. Yeah I do take precaustions.

[Gr8Heera]

@adeeba

^G8H……Thats should tell it alll

Aishu.., How can the doc determine that you(figuratively) got only 5 yrs to live?

Coming clean is the best thing, and you know what..if i was nikkafied to a person and then came to know about it, i would still love that person so much more…is that not why i married him?? and will spend so much more time with him.

Aur bachi bacchon ki baat,kya bolun…dont have any, if you are blessed with them..so much more love to share and to give the child of yours(you & his)..:). Mother’s die giving birth, they dont even have time to think ke, mere bacche ka kya hoga-- they dont even get to pick up the kid they gave birth to…yours will be so much more luckier.

Allah Taa’ala ki Marzi hai, if He has given a problem, He has provided with a solution as well.

Thank you friendy.

I do believe in telling the truth and rest my case in Allah’s hand.

Agree with you too.

Exactly friendy kitni maain to delivery kay waqt hi Allah ko piyari ho jaateen hain. To kia Allah unko naheen paalta? Sub ka sub kuch karnay wala Allah hai aur hum samajhtay hain kay hum sub kuch kartay hain jo bohat hi UNISLAMIC SOACH HAI.

[InToXiCaTeD]

I know about the cases where patients have survived even though their deaths were pronounced by the doctors and they called it miracles. I am talking about in this particular situation when a girl is about to get married or engaged what she should do.

In this case, yes one needs to take precautions and positive outlook and discuss it all with their partner but that doctors assessment should't be the primary concern.

and I am sorry I did't mean to come across as harsh. I can understand this situation. It is emotional but then that's how life is.

If it was me I would definitely talk to my partner (would-be). It is not something to hide and who knows, may be this open communication would bring more happiness and joy in their life.

just read the rest of your posts in this thread ......... I think this person needs to set their priorities straight. ........ and not worry about those people (log kia kahein ge stuff). We give examples in geneal that "life is too short" but in this case that is so "real" so why worry about what other people say right?

[Dubaiwali]

Exactly it's very hard and impossible to forget for a single second for that person that she is that much sick and going to die soon. I can't forget that day when Doctors said once that my mom is not going to live enough or one or 2 days if she couldn't get operated. Due to some reason reasons opertion room was not available and all were doctors even my uncle aka mama was a surgeon and couldn't help her anyway instead of crying and fighting with the doctors you could do this and that do what ever to save my sister. But yeah I don't know what they did and they manage to her get operated. I was too young at that time and I knew every relative was so mean and jeolous with us and I was thinking what would we do without the only person who was sincere to us. Oh my Allah I can't tell you my that feeling and fear during those days. Alhamdolillah. No one was there to help us. But you know what. Allah help everyone so yeah others helped us and my mom lived for masha Allah many years.

1 more time she asked us to talk me and my sister to secretly talk to us. She told me that she is going to have a operation and she might die so you have to take care of everything and do such a such thing. I was young at that time again can't tell you my feelings in words how I felt by thinking of living without the only person who took care of us. Again masha Allah she survived without operation. Lived a long time.

Yeah you have every right to live and live happly and achieve whatever you got. Yeah if that person agrees go marry if Allah give you kid take care in a best way. Take care of your husband. Do you know agar kisi ka husband kah day kay ussay jannat milay to us aurat ko jannat zaroor milay gi (if I'm wrong please don't hesitate to tell me). So try to win his heart by your behaviour and work for him. As far as I know kisi ka dil khush karna mutlub Allah ka dil khush karna hai.

So yeah by telling the person and if he agrees go ahead. If he agrees go get kids. Believe always in Allah that your life is in his hand not what doctors said. I lived whole my life surrounding doctors and I also have some kind of degree belongs to doctors. But I believe solely in Allah. not in medicine neither in what say. Yeah I do take precaustions.

Awww my ears have just swelled up with tears after reading this post! You must have had a lot of patience going through that. I have no words. May Allah give jannat to your mom, ameen. Alright, now the question comes to how she can go about telling the guy? It will be hard for her, and also telling her mom. What if the guy's mom says sorry to girl's family. We cannot let our son marry your daughter, she will be heartbroken is it not? Sick and heartbroken...

[Dubaiwali]

and I am sorry I did't mean to come across as harsh. I can understand this situation. It is emotional but then that's how life is.

If it was me I would definitely talk to my partner (would-be). It is not something to hide and who knows, may be this open communication would bring more happiness and joy in their life.

just read the rest of your posts in this thread ......... I think this person needs to set their priorities straight. ........ and not worry about those people (log kia kahein ge stuff). We give examples in geneal that "life is too short" but in this case that is so "real" so why worry about what other people say right?

I am sorry if I made you feel as if you were coming across as harsh to me. This issue is close to the heart and that is why I got a bit emotional. I know it is how life is. Full of ups and downs. Alright as I said, now the issue is how does she talk to her partner-to-be? what if she is the conservative type and she has not really talked before with HIM?

[Gr8Heera]

@Aisha Dubaiwali

Awww my ears have just swelled up with tears after reading this post! You must have had a lot of patience going through that. I have no words. May Allah give jannat to your mom, ameen. Alright, now the question comes to how she can go about telling the guy? It will be hard for her, and also telling her mom. What if the guy's mom says sorry to girl's family. We cannot let our son marry your daughter, she will be heartbroken is it not? Sick and heartbroken...

Yeah I don't know how my mom felt as she hid her emotions from us. But I rember those days I saw her not sleeping whole night. How much she would be worried about us leaving in dushmuns hand. And those dushmans to meri bahnon ko kothay pay bitha detay is tarha kay thay. Now I can understand how much she must have gone through during those days.

She didn't even tell her mom then she would be going through lots of pain without sharing that to a person who cares or who would become some comfort to her.

Tell your mom and him as soon as possible. Yeah I'm too conservative too. But If you are nikahfied then you are legali his wife so go dirctly talk to him either over phone or meet him some place. May or may not tell your parents or mom. Or may add her and ask her advice would be better. Yeah it would be tough for her to listening that news.

How to tell In my opinion go some place first ask over the phone to meet some place that I want to talk to you about some important things. Then both of you decide what to do. If he ask to involve his parents and want to tell then let him to whatever he wants or his parents want. If you both agree not to disclose to parents (his) then I think that's ok. But best is to involve them too.

Yeah don't worry about if his parents regects you for that that would be from Allah wil be best for you.

So don't worry about the future. Just believe in Allah. Aisha you won't believe when you totally believe in Allah then Allah help you in a way that you would say that is miracle.

So yeah tell him. It's up to you as you can understand your situation better what to do. May be use your mom to break your news or you tell yourself.

By being conservative. Agar main aap ki jagah larki hoti to ask my mom to involve and take care of everything.

That would be tough for your mom too. Be prepared to have bad news too. So that way it won't hurt you more.

Why not do istakhara and ask Allah to help you.

Ask your heart. Your heart will always tell you truth. No matter you follow or not.

If you love him it's better to have him. If he loves you then he would love to have no matter how much time he gets would love to spend with you.

I am sorry if I made you feel as if you were coming across as harsh to me. This issue is close to the heart and that is why I got a bit emotional. I know it is how life is. Full of ups and downs. Alright as I said, now the issue is how does she talk to her partner-to-be? what if she is the conservative type and she has not really talked before with HIM?