Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
Many of us like to mould Islam to fit our culture and desires, and of course we also like to make additions and subtractions in Islam to suit our needs. Hence, the reason you were seen as being bad mannered.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
And to be quite honest I think it makes a lot more sense for the aging parents to live with the married daughters. I mean there won't be any MIL-DIL tension, both the women in the house will get along, daughter would not have to live with the museebat MIL. It is a win-win scenario.
Actually in South American culture it is the norm for the old parents to live with the married daughter.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
^ so if the BIL move in with ur ILs, who'll be taking care of his parents? :(
plus its supposedly bad for the mens ego to move into theri susraal :rolleyes;
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
plus its supposedly bad for the mens ego to move into theri susraal :rolleyes;
pussies
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
his sister!
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
There is nothing written on stone. Every case is unique. If you're a daughter who wants to stay home and take care of your parents then great - more power to you, either find someone who'll live with you or dont get married -- same goes for the guys.
If you have so much trouble moving in with your husband's parents then marry someone who is not required to stay back and take care of them. If you think this is not something that you feel comfortable discussing with the guy before getting married then good luck, cuz youre going to need a lot of it.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
^ at the mercy of the elements” ? ‘just because dear wifey doesnt like living with the old hags..” ??? dude, as much as we appreciate the melodrama , it’s hardly ever that simple no matter how convincing bollywood might seem to you. That’s just being an irresponsible, good for nothing idiot to let things come to such a point, rather than being joru ka ghulam. It's got more to do with him as a person and his relationship with his parents, why bring the wife into it? Typical desi (sissy) mentality of blaming everything on everyone but the guy , not to mention, making it your business when it shouldn’t be in the first place. So much for being ‘da man” and Islamic.
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Desi parents all have it made in their minds that the daughter will leave the house one day or the other so they dont count on her to stay back and take care of them. They have sons for that. And for that reason they expect the sons to stick around.
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So all those parents that are ‘stuck’ with just daughters should consider it as a curse from Allah mian? Ayam-i- Jahiliiya anyone?
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I know its a bit wierdish this desi culture but its not something that goes against Islam. And according to islam after our duty to Allah our next priority is our duty to parents. We have to make sure we do everything to please our parents as long as their wishes do not contradict Islam.
If you are a daughter who is required by your parents to stay back and take care of your parents and if you yourself truly want to take care of them, then find a guy who is willing to move in with you *or *willing to let you have your parents move in with you two. These are decisions that have to be made before the shadi, not after.
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Eh? It works both ways. It’s the responsibility of the wife too to take care of her own parents and she has no obligation whatsoever towards your parents. Your expecting her to fulfill duties on your behalf is something you should discuss with your wife before getting married otherwise it’s plain dhoka. And no, it’s not your right over her. If she does choose to do that, she’s doing you a big favor. Make sure you show your appreciation by canceling subscription to all the sports channels for the rest of your life. And while at it, make sure you tell her how you plan to fulfill her islamic right to a separate room and kitchen etc. too.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
Actually in South American culture it is the norm for the old parents to live with the married daughter.
This is how it is in Malaysia. I have some good friends who are Malay, and they say that the family dynamics at home are much better, because the women who are at home all day with each other already get along well. Son-in-laws contribute to the household income (since they live there), and give to their parents as they are able. Her husband claims that it is an ideal situation since he knew that no one could take better care of his parents than his sister. She said that nowadays only one family will live with the parents, because it's unislamic to have more than that and not beneficial to the family structure. All in all, it seems like a situation that would work well, but I think most desis would miss the drama ;).
Even in the US when a parent is going to move in with a child it is almost always the daughter.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
If you have so much trouble moving in with your husband's parents then marry someone who is not required to stay back and take care of them. If you think this is not something that you feel comfortable discussing with the guy before getting married then good luck, cuz youre going to need a lot of it.
What does it say about men who want their wives to live with their parents, whereas would require notice in advance to accommodate their wives' parents or to look after them?
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
Yep, better stick to stating the obvious. Now bact to the topic..
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
taking care of each other is not ghulami but some peoples r just stubborn about it n just created their own terms for not being loving their love ones.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
I agree with Fayz. Everyone has personal reasons for how they live their lives. Some decisions are made for us not by us.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
you do know that not everyone has sons...right?
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
Actually in South American culture it is the norm for the old parents to live with the married daughter.
u think like me.....ur a genious :D
i always tell people this very same thing. It just makes more sense to me as well. But the desi culture never makes sense. :)
and to be quite honest....i've seen daughters take better care of their parents then sons....they can spend more time with them, be more nurturing etc.
whenever i talk to "rishtas" i make it very clear ...that my mom and I are a complete package...take it or leave it....and if he has elderly parents 2 care for as well (who live alone).....well the more the merrier grins
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
pussies
but who is saying to move into the susrals? the couple get a home of their OWN....then have the parents and/or in-laws move in.
Re: Joru Ka Ghulam
Are we ever happy?
There are men who don't listen to their wives, and do whatever they want. They make decisions on their own, without considering the wife's opinion. Those husbands are labelled chauvinists. Then there are the ones who actually *are *considerate of the wife's feelings/opinion...but they end up being labelled "joru ka ghulam." That doesn't make sense. What's the *right *answer then?
Totally agree with sadzz. There should be some independance in a relationship, but that doesn't mean the husband has to make all the decisions or he'll be labelled a joru ka ghulam. Caring and doing things for each other doesn't mean being a slave. It just shows love and understanding.