Joru Ka Ghulam

[AQ]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

I agree with Cheegum and Ume-Zafeerah....

The real Joru kaY Ghulam are the one Cheegum mentioned....

The one which are labelled by people are mostly not... It's just a way people express their jealousy....

[LP]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

The guy who dumps his aged and withering parents leaving them to the mercy of the elements and decides to go live separately with his wife who he has just known for barely over a year but suddenly holds way more importance for him than his parents who spent their lives raising him and faced countless hardships to give him a good life-- just because dear wifey doesnt like living with the old hags.

agreed…very well said…

everyone needs to maintain some independance in a relationship, but doing something for ur significant other doesnt make anyone a slave..

yes…there is a difference between ghulaami & showing love…& as AQ said..ppl label tht mostly 'cause they r jealous…

[Capricorn]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

Too tricky a topic. I agree with what Cheegum says and consider this to be the worst form of joru kee ghulami. As most of you have said, there should be a clear balance between the two and none should be coerced to do this or that. Freedom from fear of wife is what makes a man free from joroo kee ghulami.
On a second thought, why do gals change so much after marriage? A contract to live together as man and wife does not nullify each others' right to continue at the same degree (or with a little variation) with the blood relations and social circle, does it? A friend of mine said that his mom is searching a "chirya" type gal for him who wont make any nuisance at home......He told his mom, that how sure she was that the "chirya" wont turn into a "cheel"? Apparently, his fears became a reality soon after he married his mom's selected chirya and now the couple is living separately

[Jal_Pari]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@funguy

I make my wife a hot bowl of oatmeal in the mornings as soon as she takes the first angRRaaee. The bowl is ready and at the kitchen counter as her highness steps in the kitchen.

Now, people think I am being a joru kaa Ghulaam. But I think I am keeping her from eating paraathaas and omlettes and thereby keeping her in good shape. you be the judge.

hahahahah this is soo cute......I am sure it works too ;)

[Jal_Pari]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

hummm a girl who leave off her house and her aged parents to come and live with the guy and then cooks and clean for them as well, not considered a ghulami riteee.

[Sadiyah]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@Jal_Pari

hummm a girl who leave off her house and her aged parents to come and live with the guy and then cooks and clean for them as well, not considered a ghulami riteee.

Good point. :k:

[amana]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

I think any spouse who has to bend themself completely to the desires of the other spouse at the exclusion of his/her own becomes a ghulam.

That said, a person who moves out to live separately is not a joru ka ghulam, but one who moves out and neglects his parents would be. You can take care of middle-aged parents without living in the same house.

[Fayz]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

The dynamics between a couple and their respective families are only know to the ones dealing with it.
For desies it may be hard not to judge a couple but a mature approach is to mind your own business.

[Princess_Fiona]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@BulBuli

abay frogan its joru not goru

ak hee bat hain

[funguy]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

another quite rude label in Punjabi for such creatures is "run dai thallay lageya aiy"

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@Jal_Pari

hummm a girl who leave off her house and her aged parents to come and live with the guy and then cooks and clean for them as well, not considered a ghulami riteee.

excellent point.......for cheegum and the others who agreed that a guy who leaves his aged parents and lives in a separate house with his wife is a "joru ka ghulam"...keep in mind that it goes both ways....

the wife who does the same becomes a "shohor ki ghulam" .....it is farz on both to take care of their parents...and those that dont because of their spouse are def considered a ghulam!

[Capricorn]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@AnGeL EyEs

excellent point…for cheegum and the others who agreed that a guy who leaves his aged parents and lives in a separate house with his wife is a “joru ka ghulam”…keep in mind that it goes both ways…

the wife who does the same becomes a “shohor ki ghulam” …it is farz on both to take care of their parents…and those that dont because of their spouse are def considered a ghulam!

In the eastern arrangements, a girl who marries comes into a different family to live with them. Its not vice versa. Taking care of their respective parents here has very different connotations.

[amana]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

Maybe people should be more concerned with Islam and less with their culture. Allah (swt) won't be judging based on how well you adhered to Pakistani culture. A woman has just as much responsibility to care for her parents as a man, both financially (particualrly if there are no siblings to help out here) and physically. Men and their families should keep this in mind.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@Capricorn

In the eastern arrangements, a girl who marries comes into a different family to live with them. Its not vice versa. Taking care of their respective parents here has very different connotations.

so you are saying that the girl wont be looked at as "shohor ki ghulam" in the eastern world if the girl neglects her obligations to her parents?

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@amana

Maybe people should be more concerned with Islam and less with their culture. Allah (swt) won't be judging based on how well you adhered to Pakistani culture. A woman has just as much responsibility to care for her parents as a man, both financially (particualrly if there are no siblings to help out here) and physically. Men and their families should keep this in mind.

EXACTLY!!

[Sadiyah]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

@amana

Maybe people should be more concerned with Islam and less with their culture. Allah (swt) won't be judging based on how well you adhered to Pakistani culture. A woman has just as much responsibility to care for her parents as a man, both financially (particualrly if there are no siblings to help out here) and physically. Men and their families should keep this in mind.

Unfortunately, for many culture takes precedence over Islam and everything else.

[Sara516]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

Funny, a wife who does everything for her husband is just being a good wife, whereas if a husband is equally considerate and kind, he's her slave..

[Cheegum]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

Desi parents all have it made in their minds that the daughter will leave the house one day or the other so they dont count on her to stay back and take care of them. They have sons for that. And for that reason they expect the sons to stick around.

I know its a bit wierdish this desi culture but its not something that goes against Islam. And according to islam after our duty to Allah our next priority is our duty to parents. We have to make sure we do everything to please our parents as long as their wishes do not contradict Islam.

If you are a daughter who is required by your parents to stay back and take care of your parents and if you yourself truly want to take care of them, then find a guy who is willing to move in with you *or *willing to let you have your parents move in with you two. These are decisions that have to be made before the shadi, not after.

[Sadiyah]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

I don't have a brother. If I decide to get married, should my parents to be left on their own and should my parents and I make a mental note that the prospective husband is not supposed to take care of them or me for that matter, unless they discuss is openly prior to the marriage?

Afterall, according to our culture the wife is supposed to selflessly devote the remainder of her life to the husband, his parents and siblings.

[amana]

Re: Joru Ka Ghulam

^ I understand that this is the culture, but maybe it's time to cut the cord with some of these hindu traditions and educate people. After all, even desis are having fewer children, and some do have only daughters. One of my bhabis is an only child, and my ILs are constantly on about how sad it is that they will "die alone". There is no reason why they couldn't all live together, the house is certainly big enough, or why my BIL couldn't move in with her parents, as there are enough people to take care of my ILs. When I suggested this my MIL told me that I was bad mannered and that Islam does not it. Give me a break!

Islam requires both men AND women to obey, respect, and care for parents. It isn't just an obligation for men.