I dont really wish to have people put in their own two sense on the issue.
My request is pretty clear cut:
Is there any hadith, quranic verse, lecture by a muslim scholar, etc that advocates one system over the other or that mandates one system over the other?
I dont really wish to have people put in their own two sense on the issue.
My request is pretty clear cut:
Is there any hadith, quranic verse, lecture by a muslim scholar, etc that advocates one system over the other or that mandates one system over the other?
P.Gudia
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
Sorry if doesnt measure up to your criteria of comments but .Islam being 1500 yrs old ,joint family was the rule & i dont think term nuclear family was even heard of before industrialization of 18 th century & more urbanization of 19 & 20 th century necessitating the modern bane of "nuclear family ": Just like Pollution ,Global warming,crime ,divorce ,materialism,etc.etc.
Its not enough to know what islam advised 1500 yrs ago if we cant devise or solve the problem of HOW TO …IN THIS INEVITABLE MARCHING MOMENTUM OF CHANGE…!!!
Obviously there is pros & cons in both the systems…
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“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.” – Unknown
PCG-
Great question! I don't know the answer as I'm not a scholar of Islaam but I would also like to find out.
There are ads & disads to both. People have to decide what is in their best interest & their parents'. Personally, I think it would be nice to live on your own with parents close by but when they need to be taken care of, have them move in.
Ok, I wanna know Islaam's viewpoint, if there is one on this topic.
Well, Azad Munna, I suppose you're the type that believe in changing with the times. If so, i'm with you on that.
I figured there might be something related to the responsibilities of a newly wed couple to their inlaws and their susral, etc.
I mean, if birth control methods , and tv, and computers, etc have been declared haraam or fitna, when they didn't exist in the prophet's time, then why wouldn't there be something on the issue of family arrangements?
[quote]
Originally posted by PyariCgudia:
Is there any hadith, quranic verse, lecture by a muslim scholar, etc that advocates one system over the other or that mandates one system over the other?
[/quote]
There isn’t any specific Quranic verse or hadith regarding this topic that I know off.
It’s your choice (this matter) depending on what works for you.
Sooner or later we all stand before God in judgment -- are you going to be in "smoking" or "nonsmoking"?
Actually, as said above, there is no hadith or Quranic verse stating the pros and cons of the system…but we are told to take care of our parents when they grow old…and it is obligatory upon us…the thing is 'won’t it be difficult for a son to take care of his parents if he lives in a nucleur family ?( i was just introduced to the term
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)…I am an advocate of joint family system actually
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as i have seen kids leaving their old parents to live alone…and seriously it is really disheartening to see the situation of the parents and all their kids can do is call them twice a month!!
enchanted...please dont keep your minds closed to the possibilities.
My family lives in a nuclear system -- and yet, my father still sends back money to his mother and she's taken care of by his brother , and my mother's mother is taken care of by her brother.
So what's the harm in the nuclear system in such a situation, right?
But definitely, you can't just dump your parents in a home (although my dad has asked me to shoot him in the head if he's not physically able to take care of himself when he's old -- i'm NOT going to do that, but still it shows how scared pple are of old age), but can't u live alone, and take care of your parents only if they need to be taken care of - like if they became disabled, or due to their old age, lose their senses and can't do simple things like take themselves to the bathroom?
I for one will probably end up living far away from my parents and so will my sis, but the minute one or both of them needs me, i'll be there until the day they die.
[This message has been edited by PyariCgudia (edited June 15, 2002).]
Yeah ofcourse there are exceptions...but if parents can't take care of themselves then children should not under any circumastances leave the....For example when they are the only kid...I have an aunt living next door...she has three kids...two in UAE and one in Canada...her husband has died and she is 65 years old...i mean i really feels sorry for her....
And yeah it differs a little in case of a son and a daughter....daughters have to go to another home...but sons shud stay with their parents..but girls who go to another home sud have this in mind that their husband's parents need her as much as her own parents.
[quote]
Originally posted by enchanted:
And yeah it differs a little in case of a son and a daughter....daughters have to go to another home...but sons shud stay with their parents..but girls who go to another home sud have this in mind that their husband's parents need her as much as her own parents.
[/quote]
The best person to take care of once parents is their daughter. But in our so-called culture - they are sent away after marriage. Pity!
Sooner or later we all stand before God in judgment -- are you going to be in "smoking" or "nonsmoking"?
Ofcourse they are daughter....but it not only in our culture they are sent away....they are sent away in all cultures... i mean how many guys like to b a ghar damad?? But girls have to go and they can't help it....but what they can do is that if they are near their parents..i'e' in the same city they can go to them and take care of them when they are in need...but if they are away..what can they do?? of course some can still go to their parents..if they have the resources but what abt the rest of them? But after marriage the girl also has to take care of her inlaws.
I think it's natural for kids to go away, if they get the oppurtunity, which they should seek in the first place. This might be for job or education, the ideal age being around 18 to 20. Then you really get to know life and the world. You can go back later, or stay alone, I prefer the later.
You can only paint with the colors you're given...
...so get what you like and like what you have.
well, in the nuclear family, BOTH the girl and the guy go away...if i was moving into a nuclear family, instead of a joint system, i think it would be easier to me to know that my husband is moving away from his family also.
Besides, if his parents and my parents are capable of taking care of themselves, then I dont want to deal with the jhanjat of putting up with a nosy susral. I mean, privacy in marriage must be respected, and i think its best respected in a nuclear family.
Plus, the girls in my family have had some bad experiences in their susral - to the point that some got divorces. So I suppose, I have a bias, like everyone.
[quote]
Originally posted by enchanted:
Yeah ofcourse there are exceptions...but if parents can't take care of themselves then children should not under any circumastances leave the....For example when they are the only kid...I have an aunt living next door...she has three kids...two in UAE and one in Canada...her husband has died and she is 65 years old...i mean i really feels sorry for her....
[/quote]
Goodnes, I wouldn't feel too sorry for her. There really is life after 60!!! People can still get out and do things, and met people, etc.
My father passed away three years ago, my mother is 69, lives alone, and loves it!!! She is retired and can do what she wants to, when she wants to, and with whom she wants to. She has a lot of female friends. My sister and myself and our kids visit a lot. So why would I feel sorry for her? At least she had a real family.
Brenda
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst!!!
Hehe, Brenda...Pakistanis are a bit different...65 year olds like living with thousands of grandchildren in the house...
I know plenty of old people that like to live alone...but I think Pakistani mentality is different
either way, if an old person wants to be left alone - i say leave 'em alone...and if they feel lonely, then they deserve some company from family, no?
I think I come from people that think a little differently than even the average American. My mother felt that my father was her family, and now that he is gone, she doesn't feel she has a family anymore.
She really never was the cookie baking, loving to have lots of grandkids around type. She really only wants to see them once or twice a year. Any more than that and she acts like they get on her nerves.
She seems happy just visiting her lady friends and sisters(she is the oldest of 8) So if she's happy with that, I'm happy with that.
Brenda
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst!!!
[quote]
Originally posted by bcsm57:
** Goodnes, I wouldn't feel too sorry for her. There really is life after 60!!! People can still get out and do things, and met people, etc.
My father passed away three years ago, my mother is 69, lives alone, and loves it!!! She is retired and can do what she wants to, when she wants to, and with whom she wants to. She has a lot of female friends. My sister and myself and our kids visit a lot. So why would I feel sorry for her? At least she had a real family.
Brenda
**
[/quote]
well brenda there is a large difference in the family system in west and in east...i mean there is nothing for her to do....she stays at home the whole day...comes to our place sumtimes...but what shud she do??? she misses her grand children and children...and well the age limit in pakistan is 70...so i don't think she has much time left...and she is ill..what shud dhe do...i can certanly understand ur reaction but u have to understand that there is a large difference in the impact the age has on a person in west and in east.
Well here i guess i differ…well my elder bro is married and his wife lives with us…u know joint family system…and it is so nice…she is like our elder sister…and well i would feel it easier to go in a joint family system…i love the system in our house…and i have no worry that when my elder sister gets married off and I too then my parents would be alone because she cares for them as her own…and well i have learnt alot from her…and one thing which i have learnt is that: when u go to a new home try to adapt urself to ur susral…because one person can change but not the whole family…and secondly treat ur father and mother in law as ur own parents…ur own life becomes easier
kya? The age limit in Pakistan is 70?
Lol - what do you mean by that? Do people die off by the time they hit 70 in Pakistan?
I understand there is a difference between family systems, and I certainly understand missing grandchildren(I have two: a boy 6 and a girl 1, and I only see them about twice a year. Not nearly enough!!! We live in cities 200 miles apart. I am 45)
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I assume by the age limit, you mean the average life expectancy, not that everyone just suddenly falls over dead on their 70th birthday.
I know things are different in Pakistan, but can’t she visit with ladies her own age? I know it isn’t the same as seeing her children and gradchildren, but wouldn’t it be better, than staying home by herself being sad?
I will be in the same boat myself by the time I am 50 and my youngest has left home. I will just have to find ways to keep busy!!!
In any case write her a lot, and talk to her on the phone when you can. You sound like a very loving and caring person, she is lucky to have you.
Brenda
[This message has been edited by bcsm57 (edited June 18, 2002).]