Newlywed couples get less time and opportunities to get accustomed to each other
A lot of sociopolitical drama, where everyone and their mother (in-law) want to be the one in charge.
Which again puts a lot of strain on relationships.
(Mostly) Everything is transparent
Positives must be, having a lot of people around you ALL THE TIME, for those who enjoy that type of stuff
Well, Iām against joint families, and I moved out when my older brother got married. But I would like to hear from those who are for this type of arrangement?
I for one would be very uncomfotable living in a joint family setup.
for selfish people, it isn't a good system. for loving and caring people. it is!
no system is perfect but one is more adaptable than other.
i've been living with my brother and Bhabhi and their kids for the last 14 years and now that i'm getting married possibly moving to another far away country by Fall, 2015, i'll have my own place. iA
All families are dysfunctional. Joint families are beyond dysfunctional.
Living with brother and bhabhi does not show joint family has worked. Getting married and then multiple families living under the roof in harmony would be the litmus test.
Which no family in the history of mankind has passed. Yet.
All families are dysfunctional. Joint families are beyond dysfunctional.
Living with brother and bhabhi does not show joint family has worked. Getting married and then multiple families living under the roof in harmony would be the litmus test.
Which no family in the history of mankind has passed. Yet.
I expect you to be more rational and provide statistics to prove your claims.
Living in a joint family is very hard. There is always a power struggle. Problems arise when the mother in law/father in law (ie the elders) butt too much of their noses into the couple's life. Don't do this, don't go there blah blah.
The thing is, if your son/daughter in law is trusted enough to get married and carry their own family, they should also be allowed to make their own decisoins. Typically though, that doesn't happen, and that's when fights etc start.
In joint families, there is no expectation of privacy, and even if you do get some, you will still have to answer for it later.
I think it depends on the people involved. Inevitably there will always be that one person who will have to compromise more than the rest. Usually that ends up being the daughter in law. Some people can do it others can't. The joint family system is mainly an Indian tradition that just got passed on to Pakistani people as well. Islamically, there is no obligation to living as a joint family because the daughter in law is given her right of having her own home and space. Unfortunately tradition and culture is seen as more important.
Here are my pros and cons. Keep in mind this is what I have come up with after moving out after two years of living in a joined family. Our family was not dysfunctional at all and I didn't mind living with them.**
Negatives:**
Less privacy
Lack of space
You are not incharge
You do not want to be responsible of feeding/cleaning after his family
Not always being able to do what you want to.
Positives
Saves a lot of money! ex. Not having to take a mortgage, can go travling, buy whatever you like ect
A lot of help with raising kids, cooking, cleaning ect
You are able to teach pakistani culture better, show what it means to be a family ex. Eid is more fun.
It's as easy/difficult as you make it for yourself.
11 years, 2 Bhabis, 3 nephews and a 4th on the way. 10 of us at all times, 11 when my grandfather comes to stay. Wouldn't change it for the world. You have good days and you have bad days, but the good most certainly outweigh the bad, Alhamdulillah.
Growing up when spending our summers in khi we stayed at our daada daadis which also housed their 6 sons 6 wives and all their kids lol my dad was the 7th one and lived abroad. It was fun as all the cousins under one roof yet even though their house is massive it still felt like everyone was in everyones business lol! Two uncles have moved out in the last 10 years but i remember witnessing a fair few arguments between the jethaanis and devraanis lol
I myself when got married lived with my inlaws it just didnt work we lasted 5 months but thats because they are a total dysfunctional family
Living with relatives as a holiday is completely diff to living with them full time. I really hate joint family system. It causes too many issues in your own relationship with husband let alone the wider family.
Lack of space, especially in the West, is the only disadvantage, IMO.
Everything else (privacy, chores, minding your own business etc. ) can be worked out depending on the people involved and how much they really want it to work.
I would say that if there are more than 3 families living under the same roof then its a huge crime. People shouldn't be forced to live under the same roof if you're related to one another. What kinda backward mentality is that? I lost an aunt because of jahil family politics. She was severely depressed and eventually succumbed to death. I will never forget her susral waley for what they did to her. Everyone deserves to live on their own.
