Re: Jethani…or lack thereof.
Okay it’s his farz to take care of his parents, but what about her parents? Who’s going to take care of them? The whole son is the only one to take care of parents is cultural bullshiit. I had a conversation wiht my mother about it and i asked her about ppl who had no sons, only daughters, what happens to them, and she said “buss unki kismat burri niklii” 
It’s crap like that that I want to leave behind when I have kids and raise a family.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
Sara, this is another issue you have raised and I agree with you here. I think the circumstances surrounding the relocation is the problem here. Also, if someone cuts of ties to his/her family to keep his/her wife happy, that's just wrong.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
How old is she - 16? she sounds very immature.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
catwoman - she's in her 20's (mid). Yeah, I feel that she is immature. When someone tells you they are "spoilt" by thier own parents in front of your in-laws....that's just silly. She was born after many years and so she believes her parents raised her and spoilt her.
To announce this in front of your own husband and brother-in-law is very immature. Even if you are spoilt why would you want to say it ?
Re: Jethani…or lack thereof.
^ I say it in a joking manner even if it’s true :rotato:
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
Diva4U: I mean i am sorry if my words are going to hurt you but that is not my intention but i just don't know how else to say it.
Why can't you just let the whole thing go??? I mean it also seems like you are having a accepting issue here with her moving. So what she moved??? Her husband maybe weak but he did it to please his wife, his life partner. He should never cut ties with his family but they have a right to decide where they want to live permanently.
You are also beginning to sound immature by bringing up every little silly thing she did. Maybe, she wanted a loved/welcoming atmosphere from her inlaws and you which she never received and now has cut off all communication. People who have received attention in their childhood years constantly desire attention. Simply, she does need to grow up in this area - not everyone is going to give her the same attention she received from her parents but again it is their life and their decisions. Let them deal with it. You are being kind to her and your inlaws.............that is great and you will be rewarded for that.
Re: Jethani…or lack thereof.
That is something her husband (or your bro-in-law), your parent-in-laws, and this girl, and her parents need to worry about. What decision was made, was made with everyone knowing what the reasons, etc are. And they made that decision and accepted it.
I don’t see where YOU come into this picture. So whether it was wrong or right what she did, the point is that its not your headache.
Jeez woman, worry less about these people and more about your own life and your own immediate family.
You know, by the way you sound, I’m not surprised she has cut off ties with you.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
^^ Wow, some harsh words there from many of you. I am sorry if you think that this is all I do all day long. Bash at my jethani. Forgive me, I came here to get some advice and not to be looked down at, called an aunty etc.. But by some of your reactions, it appears like you all think of me of some kind of loser who's out to destroy other people's lives. Highly doubt that at all. That has never been my intention and never will be.
I have my own life and she has hers. Simple as that. I came here for some feedback and to chat about it as I have no other outlet. Simply to make observations of the whole perspective from others point of view. Everything I mentioned was based from my own observations and knowledge of the whole situation.
I think there is no need to further discuss this...at least from my end. Things can only get better from here onwards. I hope and continue to pray. Again, I do not wish to jepordize any family relationships that already exist.
Thanks again.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
I have my own life and she has hers.
Look at this statement of yours and then look at my previous post and what words of yours I quoted. Zameen asmaan ka farakh hai.
I think you are actually very concerned about this woman, and you don't see your life as separate from hers, and hence why you want to be so chummy with her simply because your husbands are brothers. I don't think you're indifferent about her, otherwise you wouldn't have opened up a post, and then further on pulled out of nowhere this irrelevant issue of her moving away from her in-laws and taking her husband with her. You clearly don't know any details about that situation, and you're passing comments on her that she's manipulating her husband??
Clearly, you are quite intolerant of people who don't think the way you do, and don't do things the way you do them.
Someone here said the perfect statement. If she was just another random person, and not related at all to you by marriage, would you have even cared to be her friend?
Chances are, no. So who cares. But def, don't sit there and worry your head and pass judgements over this girl's marriage. Its really none of your business. Yes, they are harsh words, but really. How would you like it if she was sitting there assuming that you're some insecure bahu who is kissing her in-laws butt just to suck up, or something absurd like that?
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
Well, is there anything wrong wtih trying to be friends with your jhethani pcg? i mean why shouldn't we have good , close relationships wiht our family members, either by blood or marriage? Marriage si a big thing, she's not just a classmate or some random lady.. i kinda c diva's point too now.. I don't think trying to be frends with your husband's brother's wife is a bad thing at all, but yeah diva like everyone said, she's rejecting all ur advances, so let it go... if she tries to start a freindship in teh future, just be there for her if u can :)
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
^ Thank you Sara - I will keep your words in mind. Thanks again.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
PCG - I started off this relationship on the good foot, because I am generally a nice person to everyone I meet, without judging them. I was there for her as a sister, a friend, whatever...She was new to the family and I accepted her with open arms. But as time went on, I noticed that her attitude was not the same as mine. She never emailed and called etc. Therfore, I accepted it and lived with it for years. I still live with it without any major issue.
I guess my problem is that I wasn't able to comprehend how she just rejected my friendship, without turly getting to know me. Maybe she didn't even want to try. All in all, it has left a bad taste with me. I will always be there for my whole family regardless of their attitudes. I hope that she will come back to me as a sister and a friend. If she she chooses not to, at least I hope our kids will be there for each other. This is my true and honest opinion.
Hope this clears up the situation as to how I feel towards all this.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
I'm not ag/ her trying to be friends with the jethani. I'm against her badmouthing her jethani because of some unknown reason, the jethani rejected her attempts at friendship. Focus on the problem, which is that she is not returning your favors. No need to bring in personal decisions that belong only to her and her husband.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
OK, the thing that really ticked me off is why on earth is everyone "blaming" this girl for moving with her husband?
If I understood the posts correct, she discussed the issue of moving to her parents state BEFORE marriage. Her husband CHOOSE to marry her even after she told him she wants to live near her parents after marriage. Now how can anyone say anything negative about the girl about the moving after knowing that??!! If the husband wanted to live near his parents for the rest of his life that badly, all he wanted to do is not marry this girl.
And if this man has the type of personality where he's weak and let's other people run all over him, again, how is that her fault? What about him being an adult man and standing up for himself? What about the kind of values/morals his parents taught him about standing up for yourself? How on earth can anyone say anything negative about this woman b/c he's weak??!!
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
Ok guys relax...this is getting out of control. Forget the issue about moving...that was merely an observation. They have all right to live where they want. Never mind. They can go to Timbuktu if they wish.
The post is more about the girl's attitude in general. Baas, lets keep it at that pls....if you wish to discuss that is. Otherwise, forget all the other issues...it is their life and they conciously made those decisions...whatever their reasons were as a couple. They have all right to choose where to live and what they wish to do in terms of profession.
Re: Jethani…or lack thereof.
Wow. Look, maybe it’s a difference in upbringing or the kind of people I’m surrounded with. So once they got engaged, this girl told her husband something like “I want us to live near my parents after marriage”. Now from where I come from, this is called being HONEST with your fiance BEFORE marriage…not an attempt to “fool him”.
How did this marraige take place anyway? I’m assuming they didn’t elope to Vegas. I’m assuming HIS parents were involved in the process. The whole comment on “he was weak and he went along with it”…what on earth does that mean? Did he marry this girl because his parents wanted him to OR because HE HIMSELF wanted her? Sounds like this girl made it very clear to him BEFORE marriage that she wanted to live near her parents. The guy knew that in order to have her as his wife, he would need to sacrifice living near his parents, and he CHOOSE to make that sacrifice.
All this talk about being weak and crap…you guys make this guy sound like some naive 16 yr. old who doesn’t know anything about being an adult. This poor girl is being slandered for being honest and minding her own business. And besides, it sounds like 1 son is already living near his parents, isn’t that enough? It’s not like his parents don’t have anyone near them at all. I don’t understand why no one talking sh*t about the husband. Everything is getting blamed on this “evil witch” who is supposedly in total control of her husband’s actions.
Heck I don’t have any brothers and I’m the oldest. So when my sisters and I get married, are all of us supposed to live near our husband’s parents? What about my parents? When people talk negative about girls who, along with their husbands, choose to live near her parents, it really irks me.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
^^ Lost :- there's more to the story than what is just mentioned in bits and pieces here. Maybe I did a bad job by bringing up other issues anyways. My bad. Let's just forget I brought up anything because everyone is seeing one thing or the other.
It doesn't reall matter anyways.
I apologise for any misunderstandings and any explanations that were taken out of place bu anybody..
Let's just end this topic here. Please take it no further.
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
Geez... what's with all the attacks?
Diva, I know you want to end the topic, but I think you should stop comparing her to yourself. Everyone is different. You and your husband know that you've tried your best to welcome her in the family and get along with her. If she doesn't reciprocate, just let it go. I mean if I were in your position, I wouldn't let it bother me too much. Heck, if she doesn't care, why should I?
Re: Jethani....or lack thereof.
Carebear, the attacks are quite fair, I think. Maybe Diva didn't mean it in the tone we took it as, but seriously, like Lost, I'm quite offended as well. I don't have a brother, and likewise, should I move near my husband's parents to do their khidmatein, when they have other sons, and meanwhile my parents don't have anyone?
I hope Diva, you didn't mean it like that.
Re: Jethani…or lack thereof.
^ Guys she already said, that wasn’t really the issue anymore, and i think we all forgot her original problem in focusing on the moving out part.. we all made our opinions be known about it and she already explained herself, so leave diva alone.. :halo: