hehe that’s what I was thinking. Diva you sound a bit like my aunts who are coming up with stuff to talk about others Sorry! the whole “she didn’t salam to me or call me on Eid” sounds exactly like what some of my chachis would say
I think living in the US we have sort of become conditioned to “live and let live” and don’t get bothered by the fact that if someone wants to visit us/meet us or not. Most of us lend a helping/friendly hand to begin with be it family or neighbors but if we don’t receive a warm smile back then we just let it go.
I don’t think there is a ‘real’ issue here. If she wants to mingle with you she will. If she doesn’t then don’t worry about it. I could see you being concerned if she was ‘using’ you but looks like she is not initiating any contact or wanting to continue any contact.
^^ I am not sure what you guys think of me, but I am definitely not a DESI AUNTY. Far from it actually. I am sorry if I came out appearing the way you guys thought. Its just that I have never really had someone ignore me in this manner before. I am trying to understand this woman as a person, so that I am not judgemental, but if I seem like I am coming across like that then I apologize. I don't have that much free time to meddle in her life and/or affairs. She and her husband have full right as to where they live and what they do.
I also have my own life and my own actions to worry about but sometimes you have to look at the person as a whole to figure out why they may be behaving a certain way.
Hey desi aunties are kewl, they're our mommies and nannies and puhpos :D
Anyway i dunno why u shud get mad that she moved away.. but as for the other stuff, her not saying hi n stuff... i've heard my mom and others saying tht exact stuff, "oh she can't say hi?" etc etc... maybe its just her personality, im sorry maybe i missed it in another post before, but if she behaves this way with everyone then, just let it go..
Diva, even after this last explanation of yours, I would still say, whatever, kick back and have a halaal pina colada and chill. She doesn't have the same way of interacting with you, so accept it.
I myself, to be quite honest, am not the kind of person who likes to call up all my friends and chat with them on the phone in the evening multiple times in one week. I dont have the time. I dont have enough calling cards. And I don't find it necessary to do all that crap to maintain a friendship.
I'd rather send cards and make nice friendly gestures when I find myself being genuine doing it. For me, a lot of these gestures you might find necessary, I don't find necessary. Frankly, a lot of it is just a waste of time. Now, I might not be as stand-offish as your jetani, but I am not going to sit there and jibber jabber with you all the time and become your best friend just cuz our husbands are brothers.
Maybe, who knows gasp, she just doesn't like you. Accept it and move on. Not everyone will like you. And that goes for everyone, not just you.
You don't like her apparently. By the sounds of it, I think she's made her peace with that and moved on.
Diva4U: It is alright for the feelings you have for your jethani. But, i think the main problem you are having is accepting her. I think you need to stop comparing her with yourself. You are probably thinking she moved back into her parent's state and your inlaws never made a big deal or your hubby, etc. And if you did that it would have been a bigger deal. So, everyone is different and we all have our own ways of dealing with things. Like, Lost mentioned..................you don't know what is really going on in her life so just leave it at that. It is no one's businesss. As long as the hubby is not complaining...you should'nt be either.
I know you just want to understand her personality and etc but just look at the ppl around you do you really understand all of them??? I did'nt think so.........It is not our job to understand every human being on this planet. And, if she wanted to open up or become friends with you she would have expressed that by now. Since, she has not, you need to let go and enjoy your life because if you started complaining to your hubby too much he may even think of you as one of those desi aunties that Sara and Lost mentioned:)
Thank you everyone for your personal and candid responses. I have lived with this matter for the last 3 years and yes it bothers me, but I also know that I cannot change individuals and their own personality. As adults, there are certain norms that most of us follow. I am happy with my in-laws and my husband and in the end thats all that matters. You can't pick and choose every single future relative and I guess I have to accept that.
I just wrote all this on gupshup because I wanted to get a "feel" for what others think about this situation. Would you have done any differently ? Your responses were all honest ones and my case is a genuine one also. In the end, I am happy for the most part and that's all that matters to me.
Diva, dont try to find a sister or friend in your in-law rishta. This is exactly what she is doing. Living her life without interfering in others, and not wishing others to interfere in her life!
I really dont think there is anything wrong with that. She is an independent woman and her husband is mature enough to make the decision to move himself. What is wrong with moving to the same state as her parents?
Maybe she was way too depressed of being away from her parents?Maybe she had a different upbringing at home than you did and maybe she has a closer relationship to her parents and siblings and want them to be around when she'll have kids.
There can be so many factors that you cant sit n guess what the situation may be with her. She did sound depressed in your description and above that having back pains can just be killer!I have had back pain for long time now and whenever I have the pain I certainly dont want to talk to anyone.
If you have initiated salam to her, it has been a nice gesture from your side not to forget the reward you get.
I am just wondering if you miss your own family a lot and trying to find substitute rishtas in your in-laws??
^^Every girl misses her family and wishes she was with them after marriage, but I just don't think one should make up excuses and hide behind them, like I have seen her do. I guess its hard to tell the whole entire story online but trust me there have been more excuses.
Anyways, I am done being nice to her. I know how to resolve this. Keep my disctance from her just like she has done with me and others in my in-laws family.
I am not saying she has to stay with her in-laws, but she made that choice to move...I guess it was her choice. Not his, he didn't want to leave his family but had to because of her.
It happens. My mamoo cut off all tied to his side of his family to keep his wife happy … including moving to America where he knows nobody so that he can run a business which is conveniently owned by her brother. Hota hai. The husband is to blame here for being a buzdil … not the wife. She see’s a weak man, she will play him for a fool.
In any case, I digress. Ignore her behaviour and carry on your activities even if it means talking to her husband. She will come around, eventually. It may take years. In the mean time, I wouldn’t grovel for her attention.
^^ Exactly Mehnaz...you said it to the point. She manipulated her husband to move, made him quit his job, now in the last 2 years, he has moved from job to job (about 4 of them). He has no stable job like he did for years when he was living with his parents back in the day. He is weak...no doubt. Even my husband agrees. Batown batown mae, he said once that she had made him decide to move when they were engaged (meaning once they were married, he would move to her family's state). Meaning, she tried to fool him pretty early on, convince him etc. It was not his personal wish but he was weak and so went along with it, hoping that if he did, she would agree to marriage with him.
Also, I am not grovelling for her attention. I just wished we could be just good friends, but her lack of relationship with me, even after me trying many times has caused me to be distant with her and not close. So, personally, I do think its her lose. Maybe she may realise it later, maybe not. At this point I am not going to try further.
Well i think you have a right to be annoyed about everything else, I think you do have a point about your offer of friendship getting rejected, hell i'd be pissed too (if i wasn't the rejector :p), it's just the moving away part that bothers me. Again, i dont c why it's always the girl's responsibility to make sacrifices, to quit her job, get a job, move, etc.
Sara - nobody is saying quit your job, move homes and sacrifice as a girl. But do remember that just like one is a girl and has her parents, so does the boy. In this case, the boy's parent's are elder and it is his farz to take care of them. If a girl insists that they move, then the guy should stand up and ask why ?
To me personally, just because she wants to be close to her parents and make more friends, is not a good enough reason !
Sorry! the whole “she didn’t salam to me or call me on Eid” sounds exactly like what some of my chachis would say 
