How come jethani and devranis relations are always so sour…jethani starts hating devrani which makes devrani hate her and so on…my jethani is reaching her limits!!! intentionally trying to make me look bad in front of everyone and always giving me attitude but anyway I just want to know why can’t jethani devrani get along…?
Re: jethani devrani...
because they love to play 'freaking control game'...the bigger and badder mouth always wins! :D
Re: jethani devrani...
You already know the answer. It's insecurity...fear of the other person being more appreciated, admired, receiving priority etc.
Re: jethani devrani...
........jethani starts hating devrani ....?
assumptions are the mother of all..........
Re: jethani devrani...
How come jethani and devranis relations are always so sour...jethani starts hating devrani which makes devrani hate her and so on...my jethani is reaching her limits!!!! intentionally trying to make me look bad in front of everyone and always giving me attitude but anyway I just want to know why can't jethani devrani get along...?
not always sour. i have seen some very good examples of friendly and supportive devranis jhetanis.
Re: jethani devrani...
Not always.
But why don't you be the one to iron things out?
Re: jethani devrani...
put two women together under same roof........its bound to happen.
Re: jethani devrani...
That's not entirely true. My jethani is a sweetheart and we get along really well. My devrani, on the other hand, is a different case.. and yet, we always try to be as nice as possible to her when we can very much gang up and give her the attitude back. But it's better to act like mature adults than be petty. The key is to keep your 'ikhlaq' high regardless. If the other person doesn't reciprocate then atleast you can sleep peacefully at night knowing you are above them :)
Re: jethani devrani...
I get along well with mine. She is a sweetheart and a great support now that my MIL is no more.
What relation is a jethani and devrani?
Re: jethani devrani...
Initially my Jethani tried to control me. Not being rude but very politely, nicely, lending gifts and what not. My In-laws quite liked me and every time I used to sit with her, her pure intentions were to tell me what my nand or my mil or FIL say at my back about me.
Things that might have said in humor, were delivered to me as a sarcasm or taunt at me. As time passed by and being with her most of the times, I realized, it was she who was trying to idher ki udher kerna. She used to say positive gossips in a negative tone that led me towards lot of misconceptions. Times make you learn accordingly and so did I and my in-laws about me.
I am glad I realized the type of girl she is. Its not like I have bad relationship with her at the moment but now I am kind of neutral listening to her and don't believe in what she delivers to me. I see, I observe myself and then do what I want to.
I think, when SHE realized that I was a good bahu in my in-laws view, that's where she started spreading wrong things about me to them and about them to me... but alhamdulillah.... she failed in it. Now at least I know how to handle her and not take her seriously.
Precisely, yes, it's insecurity!!
Re: jethani devrani...
Not always.
But why don't you be the one to iron things out?
i have tried so much but she continues to pont out my faults to my saas who never says anything to her.....
Re: jethani devrani...
put two women together under same roof........its bound to happen.
This is the biggest problem....I guess this is the reason for problem...if she lived away then my life would be perfect...can't wait to move out inshalla
Re: jethani devrani...
That's not entirely true. My jethani is a sweetheart and we get along really well. My devrani, on the other hand, is a different case.. and yet, we always try to be as nice as possible to her when we can very much gang up and give her the attitude back. But it's better to act like mature adults than be petty. The key is to keep your 'ikhlaq' high regardless. If the other person doesn't reciprocate then atleast you can sleep peacefully at night knowing you are above them :)
Safinaz I guess things hav not change for you..? By the way I hope you not still upset at my posts to you...
Re: jethani devrani...
Initially my Jethani tried to control me. Not being rude but very politely, nicely, lending gifts and what not. My In-laws quite liked me and every time I used to sit with her, her pure intentions were to tell me what my nand or my mil or FIL say at my back about me.
Things that might have said in humor, were delivered to me as a sarcasm or taunt at me. As time passed by and being with her most of the times, I realized, it was she who was trying to idher ki udher kerna. She used to say positive gossips in a negative tone that led me towards lot of misconceptions. Times make you learn accordingly and so did I and my in-laws about me.
I am glad I realized the type of girl she is. Its not like I have bad relationship with her at the moment but now I am kind of neutral listening to her and don't believe in what she delivers to me. I see, I observe myself and then do what I want to.
I think, when SHE realized that I was a good bahu in my in-laws view, that's where she started spreading wrong things about me to them and about them to me... but alhamdulillah.... she failed in it. Now at least I know how to handle her and not take her seriously.
Precisely, yes, it's insecurity!!
wow I feel like you have the same situation as me....am glad we both know the reality of our jethanis now just pray the saas does too???!!!!!
Re: jethani devrani...
What relation is a jethani and devrani?
Fatimah if your hubby has a brother then is wife is your jethani if he is older brother an if younger his wife is devrani....
Re: jethani devrani...
Safinaz I guess things hav not change for you..? By the way I hope you not still upset at my posts to you...
No, not at all. And she has not changed.. I highly doubt she will. At first, I thought of her as an additional sister and how fun it would be for us three to hang out together. Now I treat and think of her very differently. I have really limited the way I interact with her.. since she's a family member, I try to be as polite and cordial as I can muster up at the time (trust me it's hard when all you get is attitude back) but why make myself look bad in front of anyone.
Re: jethani devrani...
i have tried so much but she continues to pont out my faults to my saas who never says anything to her.....
Does your saas believe the things your jhitani says about you? If not, then that is all that matters. If you get defensive every time jhetani points put your faults and try hard to convince your saas that she is wrong......it can make you appear guilty too. One might wonder that why is Aisha getting so worried if jhitani's criticism is false?
It is easier said than done, I admit. But try to stay calm and positive; this will make you appear more confident than jhetani; ut shows that you don't have the energy or desire to defame any family member. Let jhetani run her mouth and you can prove her claims false through your actions which will contradict her words. You can beat jhetani at her own game by using the opposite approach, one that has more dignity. If you, too, resort to her cheap tactics, it places MIL in a situation where she will get irritated because she won't know who to believe. Rather than taking the risk of annoying her and making her lose trust in both you and the jhetani....try not to react as it makes things more complex. Let jhetani exert all the energy, only to see it bring her down and lose respect. I have seen this dynamic play out in the joint system....where over time respect is lost for the one who makes the most noise and displays frequent lack of verbal control (jabs, snidery, etc). Of course it helps if your MIL is not one to get sucked in to the drama.
Re: jethani devrani...
No, not at all. And she has not changed.. I highly doubt she will. At first, I thought of her as an additional sister and how fun it would be for us three to hang out together. Now I treat and think of her very differently. I have really limited the way I interact with her.. since she's a family member, I try to be as polite and cordial as I can muster up at the time (trust me it's hard when all you get is attitude back) but why make myself look bad in front of anyone.
I really wish my jethani was like you....but inshalla am praying things get better between you...they usually do as time goes on and when she gets married maybe it will change I hope it does...
Re: jethani devrani...
wow I feel like you have the same situation as me....am glad we both know the reality of our jethanis now just pray the saas does too???!!!!!
Truly speaking, my Jethani has been there in this house before one and half year than me and thankfully speaking, my MIL, SILs and FIL already knew the kind of woman she is.
Good part is, I never found my MIL, SIL especially back biting about her with me. That's where I realized, it's actually she who is creating troubles. When the troubles started between me and her, my SILs and MIL told me, they knew the kind of woman she is and that "it's not new for us", my SIL in fact said, we knew you are a grown up and we don't need to tell you who's right and who's wrong...eventually tumne samajh hi jana tha, and in that case they were right. Sath reh reh ke I realized everything.
My In-laws are not saint and at times they have turned on cruel to me too, but something that I learnt was, jab jab I had issues with my in-laws, baat hoti, issue raise hota, thori mairee thori unki suni jaati....kuch ghanto main clear hoti hain waheen khatam hojati...... dubara na niklti.....
but with my Jethani, she loves creating fusses and she doesn't forget bad incidences. In fact baat clear bhi hojati tab bhi wo dil main rakhti aur agli larai main doobara nikaalti...... so thats where I differentiated between my in-laws and my Jethani. My fight with in-laws is kind of fight I could have with my own family... jisme tu tu main main hui aur kuch arsay main bhool bhula gaye.... but my fight with Jethani..... at this stage, never takes place............and its because.... to me, she doesn't even worth speaking to... !! Its kind of really neutral and liye diye wala relationship with her. Totally formal.