Does your saas believe the things your jhitani says about you? If not, then that is all that matters. If you get defensive every time jhetani points put your faults and try hard to convince your saas that she is wrong......it can make you appear guilty too. One might wonder that why is Aisha getting so worried if jhitani's criticism is false?
It is easier said than done, I admit. But try to stay calm and positive; this will make you appear more confident than jhetani; ut shows that you don't have the energy or desire to defame any family member. Let jhetani run her mouth and you can prove her claims false through your actions which will contradict her words. You can beat jhetani at her own game by using the opposite approach, one that has more dignity. If you, too, resort to her cheap tactics, it places MIL in a situation where she will get irritated because she won't know who to believe. Rather than taking the risk of annoying her and making her lose trust in both you and the jhetani....try not to react as it makes things more complex. Let jhetani exert all the energy, only to see it bring her down and lose respect. I have seen this dynamic play out in the joint system....where over time respect is lost for the one who makes the most noise and displays frequent lack of verbal control (jabs, snidery, etc). Of course it helps if your MIL is not one to get sucked in to the drama.
My saas is nice to me so I guess she doesn't believe her....it's just so hard to stay quiet when I feel like slapping my jethani..!!!!! But what you saying makes so much sense...thanks a lot
My saas is nice to me so I guess she doesn't believe her....it's just so hard to stay quiet when I feel like slapping my jethani..!!!!! But what you saying makes so much sense...thanks a lot
I have seen this play out in various settings (not just the in-laws). Those who engage in public "fault-finding"...,,Over time they lose both the respect and trust of people. They are the biggest losers in their own game.
I think it depends if the jethani is mil’s ankh ka taara or ankh ka kaanta prior to the devrani is married into the family. In the former case,she’ll not get along with devrani and will try to put her down to maintain her position; in the latter case,both will be friends because dono kay dukh saanjhay hain just an assumption !
You are 100% true about the last line… in fact this “sanjhay dukh” discussion helped my Jithani to control my behaviors towards my MIL and other in laws… but alhmadulillah im out of anyone’s chungal now… I am now enough wise to observe who’s at mistake. Also… tabiyaaaat… tabiyaaaaat of people around u help u judge the entire situation. If u know someone has a lying habit…u would certainly not believe in what he/she says!!!
Posted in the wedding forum about an experience my sister had with her jethani. I agree many people have great relationships with their jethanis and devranis but then are some that have the worst. It all depends on their personal nature. I think the bigger problem is why are some girls such jerks and so evil? With that personality, they ruin relationships of all kinds not just jethani devrani. I just read my prayers and Quran and hope that Allah saves me and my family from the nazar of such evil people. Things like inlaws drama are small but can lead to much more serious things. My sisters jethani even does horrible things to me! So I feel it's more about the person than the relation.
I think I don't get jethani devrani dynamics because I don't have any. I mean I have a devrani but I think we never really thought of each other as anything else but married into the same family. It was never I am the jethani and you are the devrani and u have to be bad and i have to be good. I mean if we're both good (as viewed by our in laws) then isnt that win-win? And I think both of us would see no point of specifically scheming mean stuff against one another because what would be there to gain.
I really think the scheming ppl are sorta sick in the head, have way too much free time on their hands and too much free/useless brain power to keep track of all the lies said and comebacks and plan b's. Doesn't that take too much work. And then if the plan falls flat on ur face u have to think of a plan c to fix it, it's just too much stress in my opinion, wouldn't u rather just be normal and live ur life instead of trying to one up everything?
My case is completly differ from all of u. i am jethani. and my daver will get marry soon. And my daverani is my enemy. Means her mother was like best friend of my mother and lived in front of my mother's house. after some years she moved to a residential part of the same area. during all that years , she shows herslf a gud friendby sharing her problems. but she never shares her dress, child's school or tutuion, even she moved to another house , if she want to attend call she picks, otherwise her daughter said she is busy with guest or nt at home.
At my marriage , her daughter show interest in my daver and exchange phne number herself. we all unaware from this. after 3-4 months, my MIL went to her house and she immediatly told us. we were shocked. and said to her if she likes my daver , go a head , v r nt doing any commitment( means larka kaisa hai thk hai kam krta hai ya nahi). After this her mother stopped to call us. and saying bad to everyone abut us.
Nw i am completly dont that her daughter become my daverni. but nothing in my hand, its love marraige. and her mother saying bad to MIL abut me and my family. I am thinkng wt would be happen when she will be at my house. occassionally whenever i hv to visit her house like on eid, v hardly excahnge salam and nothing more.
i am thinking she never be gud for me. and i will keep myself bound before her. dont need to talk.
wt do u say? any opinion?
My case is completly differ from all of u. i am jethani. and my daver will get marry soon. And my daverani is my enemy. Means her mother was like best friend of my mother and lived in front of my mother's house. after some years she moved to a residential part of the same area. during all that years , she shows herslf a gud friendby sharing her problems. but she never shares her dress, child's school or tutuion, even she moved to another house , if she want to attend call she picks, otherwise her daughter said she is busy with guest or nt at home.
At my marriage , her daughter show interest in my daver and exchange phne number herself. we all unaware from this. after 3-4 months, my MIL went to her house and she immediatly told us. we were shocked. and said to her if she likes my daver , go a head , v r nt doing any commitment( means larka kaisa hai thk hai kam krta hai ya nahi). After this her mother stopped to call us. and saying bad to everyone abut us.
Nw i am completly dont that her daughter become my daverni. but nothing in my hand, its love marraige. and her mother saying bad to MIL abut me and my family. I am thinkng wt would be happen when she will be at my house. occassionally whenever i hv to visit her house like on eid, v hardly excahnge salam and nothing more.
i am thinking she never be gud for me. and i will keep myself bound before her. dont need to talk.
wt do u say? any opinion?
Uff. Really?
I would just suggest you to speak to your husband about her. Do not talk to your inlaws about that because that would only make them feel you are insecure. So, only speak to your husband. Tell him the entire history and tell him to be ready for the upcoming dramas!!!
Yh really, mray sath tv drama wali situation hai. :-P
and yh i hv told him all that when they came for rishta. and nw i am saying when she will come here after marriage , i will nt live with her at same house. You hv to take another house whther it will be small. still he is silent.
she and Her mother r very sharp before me. I cant understand their devil things. and most impotatnt my memory is nt sharp. i forget the things very soon. she will take advantage of this.
Yh really, mray sath tv drama wali situation hai. :-P
and yh i hv told him all that when they came for rishta. and nw i am saying when she will come here after marriage , i will nt live with her at same house. You hv to take another house whther it will be small. still he is silent.
she and Her mother r very sharp before me. I cant understand their devil things. and most impotatnt my memory is nt sharp. i forget the things very soon. she will take advantage of this.
I pray that you be safe from the bad intentions anyone holds against you.
I hope everything solves at your end!!
I hope that’s not true! Why should their relationship be based on antagonism with the MIL? Why not actually aim for a relationship based on their own personal connection that has nothing to do with villifying the MIL? Can’t they all just get along?
just an assumption !
I am now enough wise to observe who’s at mistake. Also… tabiyaaaat… tabiyaaaaat of people around u help u judge the entire situation. If u know someone has a lying habit…u would certainly not believe in what he/she says!!!