What’s up with this jealousy that some people, specifically desis, show? Is there a reason to act petty and immature when you see good things happening for others?
When you see someone living a good life, marrying into a good family, happy with their husband/inlaws, having beautiful children, being promoted, having lots of money, having good looks, holding a good job, being successful.. etc etc etc…
…Is it really so necessary to get jealous and target them rather than trying to wish them well for a change?
The recent big one I have seen which is VERY common amongst desis now is.. who's having a bigger wedding? The more lavish it is, the more the jealousy it seems.
I dont have time for jealousy because more often than not...it shows something very sinister about the person who is jealous. As soon as I see someone getting that way, I stop caring about them, period. Because if you loved me, you wouldnt be jealous. You would be happy and want to share in my joy.
Ive had moments in my life where Ive shared good news and I was so excited. But then I saw a very wierd look on someone's face and it disappointed me so much I made up my mind never to allow it to get to me again.
^lol.. this is not about anyone in particular but rather something that we see in everyday lives. there's so much competition in everything- jobs, friends, families, weddings, you name it.. it's starting to seem as if people have somewhat stopped caring for others and made life solely about competing with others. i mean is it really so difficult to look at someone being happy and be happy for them instead of having a snooty look and saying, 'i do this better' or 'i have better such and such than that' or 'my children are more studious/better looking', or 'i have better clothes/jewelry'.. etc etc etc.
psquared- i agree. if they care for you genuinely then there should be no envy/jealousy to begin with.
I think SOMETIMES it's good to look at other people and compate yourself to people who are doing better than you - it makes ME (atleast) strive to do better. Go back to school, work harder on my kids, read more namaz etc
But jealousy is the most unproductive thing you can do. I think you can take the same energy and drive yourself to do something better for yourself
At the end of the day if you are content - who cares who has the biggest wedding, car or house.
yeh i knw jealous desi r everwhr !!! I’m really sick of it. I’ve seen ppl get jealous abt the most silliest of things.
Part of my extended family have everythings, ferraris multi million pound businesses and a agenerally very happy family, with no problems at all, which is gud mash’Allah, but when they hear of us going on holiday or even buying sum silly old trashy car they get jealous, totally ridiculous.
I’ve cum to the point now whr i dnt even bother telling ppl im going holiday or am taking driving lessons lol stupid i knw but ppl just seemto get jealous for no reason
There are some people who have nothing else to do in their life, they just spend their whole day in spying others like what other ppl do, where other ppl go and WHY they go. such type of jealousy is useless. I usually don't care and don't bother to notice such people. YES but if one of your close friends or any other relaives whom you blindly trust get jealous and you don't know then it can turn out to be something real serious. Jealousy is a force that can make people do anything to harm, and the worse thing for me is "Black magics " I am really afraid of such things :S
Okay how exactly do we define and/or recognize jealousy? is it easy to spot if its just someone you hardly ever see reacts a way that you dont expect? or is it only recognizable in those you know well and can expect their reactions?
I’m not sure if it’s a cultureal barrier or what, but when i see something nice, like an outfit or style or whatever i like to compliment it. And oddly enough when I do, right away someone is ready to jump in and say “oh but your stuff is nice too” as if 1. I am only complimenting something so that they compliment my stuff or 2. i am being ashamed of my own things? I dont see how “___ is very pretty” is jealous in any way??
Once i complimented the way my friend had decorated her room and someone else said “tum toh hamesha jealous ho gee.” On the other hand, most of the non-desis i come across, they all just say “thank you” when i compliment them.
On the other hand, ppl have told me that others are jealous of me…and I honestly have no idea why.
Also, I do think a little bit of jealousy and competition is healthy; ONLY if it can help you to strive for better. And, to paraphrase what someone once said to me, second you start resenting yourself or your family b/c they dont have what someone else has, that's when you've gone way too far.
I am SO not into jealousy...but I do suffer from occasional bouts of envy. The whole "keeping up with the Joneses" type of mentality is the biggest reason I think that US is in such a dire credit crunch. Big weddings, big diamonds, flashy cars, these are all wasted money IMHO...yes even if you have that kind of money to toss away. There are SO many better uses for that money methinks.
I DO get envious when we visit others and they have such beautiful, airy, big, new homes. YET....we bought a fixer-upper so even tho our house isnt big OR airy or impressively pretty, our mortgage is small. We can survive a job loss, we can survive economic downturn mashallah. Many of those who I envy are facing bankruptcy.
So I count my blessings. I STILL envy lol...but yes I;m human with all the failings that it comes with :)
Once I hit lotto, I'll GET that mansion in the hills of Wyoming and have horse herds, sheeps, chickens, staff to cook and clean while I play with my boyz and our farm herds.
Wyoming...open skies, clear clean air, horses, stunning nature, gazillion stars in the sky at nite, wholesome, clean living. Less PEOPLE. Less of that "ok, my kid goes to karate lessons, dance class, piano lessons, tennis lessons and soccer, he's occupied every minute of his waking day..." attitude. Brothers can enjoy being brothers, enjoy nature and natural happenings without having to make excuses.
Snobby society aint for me. In any way, shape or form. And truly if I won the 50 million lotto, I'd buy a farm in wyoming. Cody Wyoming to be exact.
I guess I should elaborate here a bit on the whole subject....Jealousy IMO is when you bear ill-will towards a person for the reason that they have things that you want. ENVY on the other hand is being sad that you dont have what someone else has....there is no ill-will intented when being envious as there is when being jealous. Both things are wrong for sure...but one has evil intent against innocents, the other does not. Thats my take on the whole thing.
and not making much sense.
On the other hand, most of the non-desis i come across, they all just say “thank you” when i compliment them.