Basically, I think what has happened is that because of the way Pakistani society was constructed, women had little control over anything outside of their homes. Some don't even have that. They rarely have direct control, but begin to exercise control through their sons, who are indebted to them. So they are extra sensitive to any change or external influences in their homes, and so instead of seeing the DIL as a family member, some (the more insecure and the more stubborn) they see her as a threat and treat her as such (as in the front car seat thread).
In addition, many (most?) Pakistani women are homemakers and have devoted their lives to raising their children. They have sacrificed their happiness for that of their elders, children, husband, families, etc. The assumption is that one day, these people will return the favor. So instead of doing what makes them happy, the culture dictated that it is the next generation that must give us happiness.
When these children grow up, the mothers have little to occupy them, unless they have other interests and means of feeling productive. Some mothers will continue to keep a hold on their children and will make the children feel guilty for any sign of independence. This isn't good for mother or child. The problem is, without having pursued other skills and interests, many women don't actually know what will make them happy. So they feel idle and demand more grandchildren and interfere unnecessarily in others lives in a way that I doubt makes them happy.
It's one thing to be consulted and to be part of the family; it's another to feel entirely dependent on others for fulfillment.
At some point, the cycle needs to be broken. We need to make it okay for people to look for their own fulfillment while still respecting and giving to those they care for. We need to encourage women to take pride in their motherhood but also their other skills, talents, and interests. We also need to legitimize women's voices, so that women feel empowered to act in the home as well as outside of it, and do not need to rely always on others for control and influence.
BRAVO!! hats off to you for such a thought provoking post. i agree with you a 100 percent. its true that its the way society has been shaped... with due respect to the "home maker", they have idle time to think, talk and socialise. not to say that working women do not gossip( i work and i can assure you, i do gossip too, who dusnt??) but not as much as the home makers. no matter how busy they are running after kids, cooking, cleaning etc... they do get some free time which is spent in idle time and talking. they cannot exercise power in their own homes... becus the husband has the last word.. when the son grows up she expects him to listen to her and pay back. Sahar, you said the same thing which my hubby says.. these ppl are kids he tells me, when they are old.... all their lives these women listen to parents, husbands, relatives etc... when their son grow up, they get a sense of ownership and power.. its so unexplicable really but its so true.. my own husband said that cus he knows women need the power to control something also.. after all, they have been in someone else's control for so many years.