Jahez culture

[muqawwee123]

Re: Jahez culture

Does the concept of Jahez exist only in the middle class ?

I don't think so. Upper and lower classes are also into it.

[Blacklisted_Prince]

Re: Jahez culture

@muqawwee123

The plays were effective enough and people of that period appreciated the message, but when that generation faced the actual life, they followed old traditions. The media is now more about shashka and glamour. Any such serious play will not get TRPs so no one would dare to produce such stuff considering shallow audience.

Its very difficult to make and implement a law against practices which got acceptability as social norm.

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hmmmmmm
We’ve seen laws for shadi mein khana ziada na dena ( ya phr kisi ache restaurant mein bando k hisaab se booking cuz of the strict law ) and shadi ghar jaldi close krwana etc laws in the past
And these laws worked for a while too
Don’t u think if a strict law implemented regarding dowry, it will work ?

[muqawwee123]

Re: Jahez culture

It is difficult but not impossible. What are we doing as individuals to solve this problem? Nothing. Simply talking about it won't solve it. Why don't we use the means at our disposal to atleast give it a shot? The internet ! We have Facebook and other online forums. A large portion of our youth uses these. We can get through to them. Later the members can help each other organise campaigns in their schools/unis/work/ neighbourhood etc. Once it gains popularity, talk shows, serials etc will show interest.

Not a bad idea.. but billi ki gardan main ghanti bandhe kon? The issue has been talked on various forums. BaRi BaRi begmaat must have done seminars on this in centrally air conditioned five stars, but these begmaat might have prepared a long list of Jahez while marrying their sons.

[Blacklisted_Prince]

Re: Jahez culture

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Well I think ppl come to the internet n social sites and all of them talk bari bari batein
And everyone agrees on this but when it comes to apply in real life, they are all bounded or don't want to !

[muqawwee123]

Re: Jahez culture

@Blacklisted_Prince

.
hmmmmmm
We’ve seen laws for shadi mein khana ziada na dena ( ya phr kisi ache restaurant mein bando k hisaab se booking cuz of the strict law ) and shadi ghar jaldi close krwana etc laws in the past
And these laws worked for a while too
Don’t u think if a strict law implemented regarding dowry, it will work ?

The instances you mentioned about one-dish are easy to regulate as they are one off occasion. But even in these cases, people might have gone for expensive reception after simple one-dish walima. If not that thousands might have been expense out in the name of family lunches and dinners.

The situation with dowry laws can’t be monitored what a girl goes through, if her family followed those strict laws.

[LP]

Re: Jahez culture

Not a bad idea.. but billi ki gardan main ghanti bandhe kon? The issue has been talked on various forums. BaRi BaRi begmaat must have done seminars on this in centrally air conditioned five stars, but these begmaat might have prepared a long list of Jahez while marrying their sons.

At an individual level, we have to start with ourselves.

[LP]

Re: Jahez culture

.

[LP]

Re: Jahez culture

. Well I think ppl come to the internet n social sites and all of them talk bari bari batein And everyone agrees on this but when it comes to apply in real life, they are all bounded or don't want to !

A negligible amount of us apply it in real life too.

[Blacklisted_Prince]

Re: Jahez culture

@muqawwee123

The instances you mentioned about one-dish are easy to regulate as they are one off occasion. But even in these cases, people might have gone for expensive reception after simple one-dish walima. If not that thousands might have been expense out in the name of family lunches and dinners.

The situation with dowry laws can’t be monitored what a girl goes through, if her family followed those strict laws.

.
So we returned back to girl facing In-Laws prbz

I remembered something, that most of the arabs follow Islamic rule,
So as for the making of a home, furniture etc and expenses of the whole marriage ceremony is the responsibility of the groom
But somehow, I heard that they have begun to divide expenses between the both families

[muqawwee123]

Re: Jahez culture

At an individual level, we have to start with ourselves. I for one decided 5-6 yrs back that when I get married, i wont take Jahez with me. I will take the clothes and personal items I might need during the first few months and a few gifts. Thats about it. I clearly told that to my mother and didn't let her collect Jahez.

There are examples when individuals took stand against these things.

Bantwa Memon community is famous (infamous) for this dowry. They have to give a home to their daughter in dowry and value of dowry depends on the prospect (profession, earning, etc) of groom. There is actually groom's auction like situation in the community due to these practices. One of our colleague form Bantwa Memon family stood against this by saying that I've only one condition. The girl should follow purdah. His father told him that he should arrange for home himself, as he would not be able to provide him home because his sisters were yet to be married. Today, that guy has his own home, but I don't know whether he will stand against dowry when his daughters are going to be married.

[Blacklisted_Prince]

Re: Jahez culture

@Little Princess

A negligible amount of us apply it in real life too.

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yeah, but they are aatey mein namak k brabar

[muqawwee123]

Re: Jahez culture

@Blacklisted_Prince

.
So we returned back to girl facing In-Laws prbz

I remembered something, that most of the arabs follow Islamic rule,
So as for the making of a home, furniture etc and expenses of the whole marriage ceremony is the responsibility of the groom
But somehow, I heard that they have begun to divide expenses between the both families

I personally think that groom should be able to provide reasonable accommodation (not necessarily owned property) before getting married.

[LP]

Re: Jahez culture

@Blacklisted_Prince

.
So we returned back to girl facing In-Laws prbz

I remembered something, that most of the arabs follow Islamic rule,
So as for the making of a home, furniture etc and expenses of the whole marriage ceremony is the responsibility of the groom
But somehow, I heard that they have begun to divide expenses between the both families

I didnt hear of dividing expenses but I did hear that they organise it now in a way that its not a burden to either party. The close relatives of both sides give gifts (which is normal) so now what they do is… they decide which household item to give..every relative chooses the one they wish to give from the list of household items needed to furnish. If something is v expensive..2-3 ppl pitch in and gift it together. Everyone gifts acc to their budget.
Even a few wedding service providers provide these services.
This way the gifts arent repeated and the new couple have lesser burden.

[LP]

Re: Jahez culture

@muqawwee123

There are examples when individuals took stand against these things.

Bantwa Memon community is famous (infamous) for this dowry. They have to give a home to their daughter in dowry and value of dowry depends on the prospect (profession, earning, etc) of groom. There is actually groom’s auction like situation in the community due to these practices. One of our colleague form Bantwa Memon family stood against this by saying that I’ve only one condition. The girl should follow purdah. His father told him that he should arrange for home himself, as he would not be able to provide him home because his sisters were yet to be married. Today, that guy has his own home, but I don’t know whether he will stand against dowry when his daughters are going to be married.

Good initiative :k:

[Blacklisted_Prince]

Re: Jahez culture

I didnt hear of dividing expenses but I did hear that they organise it now in a way that its not a burden to either party. The close relatives of both sides give gifts (which is normal) so now what they do is.... they decide which household item to give..every relative chooses the one they wish to give from the list of household items needed to furnish. If something is v expensive..2-3 ppl pitch in and gift it together. Everyone gifts acc to their budget. Even a few wedding service providers provide these services. This way the gifts arent repeated and the new couple have lesser burden.

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Well if its happening so, The average rate of unmarried couples in arabs specially gulf is v high n one of the main reason is the expenses.
But I must say, there must be they r following the way u mentioned n thats v good n should b practiced in our society as well, ye tou bht ajr o sawab ka kaam hai !

[Jolie]

Re: Jahez culture

In modern day, the word Jahez or dowry is simply replaced with the term gift. I totally agree with the poster who quite rightly said that change has to come from individual level. Just look at how many so called educated and middle class girls themselves want bari consisting of 100 joras, matching jewells and shoes, lavish wedding, all honeymoon and weddings expenses covered. This is essentially all Jahez, 30-40 years ago, the parents would've arranged all things by themselves, but today, the only difference is that brides are open and eager about indulging in mindless extravagance. It's a same product with different packaging.

To this day, in our society, ridiculous level of emphasis is placed on arranging opulant weddings than securing successful marriages. The new generation is equally responsible for this clossal level of superficiality.

[Ethan_Hunt]

Re: Jahez culture

Jahez is a disease.

[Dhoti_Main_Dhamaka]

Re: Jahez culture

Jis nay apny dil ka tukra tumhay dai diya us saay kuj hoor mangty huay sharam nahen ati?

[muqawwee123]

Re: Jahez culture

@Dhoti_Main_Dhamaka

Jis nay apny dil ka tukra tumhay dai diya us saay kuj hoor mangty huay sharam nahen ati?

dil ke tukRe ko sahoolaten dene ke liye mangte hain log

On a serious note, there is other side of the story as well. tumhe pata nahin jitni tumhari tankhah hai itne main to meri beti ka joota nahin aata.

[Dhoti_Main_Dhamaka]

Re: Jahez culture

@muqawwee123

dil ke tukRe ko sahoolaten dene ke liye mangte hain log

On a serious note, there is other side of the story as well. tumhe pata nahin jitni tumhari tankhah hai itne main to meri beti ka joota nahin aata.

fair abba ji rakho apny dil dai tukry nu frame karwa kay:smack: