I understand some of you girls are married and some are getting married soon. My question is how are you dealing or dealt with the big Jahez question?
Were you asked for it…if you weren’t, did u give it anyways? Why?
We are taught Jahaiz aik la’nat hai but then all of us give and take it all the time. what gives
p.s. Please unban PCG..I wanna hear what the doll has to say 
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Fayz I'm a Arab and with us its the other way around, the girl does not give jahez to the guy, the guy gives it to the girl.
but what are you asking in terms of?
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
I see.
Well, it is not encouraged in our culture but we give our daughters jahaiz anyways, primarliy due to external pressures. The guy's side sort of expects it and the girl's side feels obligated. The exchange is sort of extravagant but we still do it. I don't understand the politically correct statements that we dish out but we still are a part of it. So my question to the married girls is why were they part of this tradition....and to the ones getting married is..if they are taking a stand against it.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Fayz oh we give gifts to our daugthers when they leave their fathers home. We give gifts for the girl, like clothes, jewerly, things for the house and etc.....I thought you meant giving the guy stuff for him and his family alone.
Giving gifts for your daugther is something even the Prophet (saw) did.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Maj, what you're referring to is mehr, and that's Islamic, not an Arab tradition.
I really don't see anything wrong with giving your daughter and her new family gifts when she gets married. We can practice cultural traditions without going against Islam. However, it is wrong to expect it and be obliged, and for parents to worry like crazy about having daughters because they will never afford for them to get married. Selfish idiots.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Recently my cousin got married and he got the whole furniture for his house in Jahaiz. I was kind of left speechless cuz I thought Jahaiz was discouraged in our family. Hey, if it is not, and it is 'acceptable' by both sides, then I should cash myself in soon.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la’nat hai?
This reminds me of my cousins wedding in pak. Larkiwalay from gujranwala, sent an entire housefull of furniture and stuff to Lahore (where he lives). They live in a small nice place, but her stuff wouldn’t even fit in their house, and they ahve to store it in a neighbor’s house. Her family sent everything, from garbage cans, to 4 sets of dishes, bedset, comforter, rockign chair, etc. While all the guys were loading hte stuff off the truck, all the neighbors were watching (of course) and of course there was a lot of bullsiht later on about how they’ only married the girl for her money, and how my cousins family are kameenay, which is SO NOT TRUE…low jerks 
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Why didn't your cousin refuse it? He knew he has a small house.
You know life would be so easy if there were websites like laRki ka baap.com where all baaps should have their profiles listed.
Occupation: Business
Age: has five more yrs max
Bank balance: 2 million
Picture: send a request
Religion: money
Jahaiz: Just Ask.
Let's play it fair shall we...
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la’nat hai?
Mahr is the dowry that the guy gives his wife and it is obligatory Islamically. Let’s not confuse it with the jahaiz, which is the gifts that the girl’s family gives her. The guy’s side has no right asking the girl’s side for anything. It’s the guy’s responsibility to provide everything the couple needs to spend their life together. OK enough lecture.
Agree with you and the last part is hilarious!
To answer your question, my in-laws didn’t ask for anything coz they know it isn’t right. My parents did give me gifts but not too much because I didn’t want a lot and they were nice and practical, things I would be able to use everyday.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Yeah I know all that. However, Arabs have jehaz also but it comes from the guy to the girl. And I also think its wrong to expect it and it shouldnt be obliged. With Arabs its the guy that has a hard time getting married b/c he cant afford the jahez.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
^yeah my arab friends were saying that's why a lot of arab guys get married late coz they can't afford the jahez...this came up because i was wondering how come my arab friends were marrying guys with whom they had a big age difference (10 years or so).
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
^ not all. In other countries the family helps out the guy. I've seen guys married as young as 17
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
My inlaws havent asked for a single thing but my mom is persistent on doing the whole jahez thing. My fiancee doesnt even want my parents to buy him the usual clothes etc. I have had several arguments with ammi on this but at the end i lost. If it makes my parents happy then what else can i do?
Btw, Ammi was telling me in her time, jahez constitututed of the smalles things ever. So far Ammi has only bought stuff we can use around the house, kitchen utensils and machinery etc etc. That kinda puts me at ease too instead of worrying over how we are going to have to settle down etc etc .
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
^lol i had lots of arguements with my mom for the same reason.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
Exactly, see that's what I don't understand. We teach out kids jahaiz aik lanat hai and then we are the ones insisting on giving out goodies. Why preach something that we can't live up to. If you can give your daughter..fair enough. The display and sho sha is neither 'celebration' nor 'help' really.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
lol yeah and it takes you no where, does it?
Plus a married friend gave me advice taht if your parents are doing it all because they want to, then dont say no. It does help out in the end.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
I actually know a couple who got divorced partly due to the whole jehaiz thing. It's more the girl's parents fault cause they kept buying stuff for the guy and his entire family and giving them presents well before they were actually married. Not minor things, but designer clothes, perfumes/colognes and even designer jewellery. The guy's side obviously didn't mind, but then they started pushing for more stuff even after the couple got married, including demanding money for 'furniture' while the couple were living with his family. It got a bit extreme and ridiculous. Long story short, it became obvious they (groom's side) were only interested in money and the couple got divorced. They wanted cheques made out to them. Ridiculous!
Personally, I'm against the whole concept of jehaiz. It can bring out greediness in people and it's not always pretty.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la’nat hai?
no jahaiz
my father is totally against this concept and my susraal walay never mentioned anything about it either. i got clothes ( well i made them myself actually) and some jewelry that i had from past, so i dont think that counts as jahez. i did get gifts from family and friends. the only thing i guess i got for jahez was behashti zewar ( a book in very old urdu, that i read it with my grandma) and molana modudi’s Quranic tafseer.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
They were showing a documentary last night on CTV where guys go to desiland to get married, get all the jahaiz and leave the girl hanging. Although, I liked the idea..I don't think it should be encouraged. Which generation is going to take a stand? I don't see it changing..everybody gives in under social pressure.
Re: Jahaiz (dowry) aik la'nat hai?
No jahez. I am against it and my husband's family has never mentioned it.