Really lol. Maybe 100 years ago? Just asking, considering where already talking about your breast feeding.
You don't have to share but you sound very young and just a teeny tiny bit immature. I know your going through a lot but if you took some of the advice and applied it, you might be able to be more productive. I thought you had mentioned you and your husband had a better relationship? Stop complaining to your hubby about his dad and just stick to talking about yourself and what your feeling and that your not going without him. Find some time and talk to him like an adult. You started the thread a week ago. When are you expected to go?
We do have a better relationship but my FIL keeps him occupied so much! Like in the other thread I mentioned, he always close the door for privacy with him in. They can't be talking secrets all the time? And when ever he comes to me for few moments FIL finds some excuse to call him back in., in these instances I feel he has brainwashed him against me hence a lot shouting and him getting angry on me more often.
Another thing I forgot to say was, you should try not fight in his presence. Leave the house or go to the car if you want too. That's probably also not helping the situation. He sits with him and closes the door? They don't sit in the main living areas?
No not living room. I'm so scared my GIL had a go at my hubby shouting why hasn't my pass arrived as I have submitted for name change. He goes main keh raha tha fast track service karte hain.. He's hell bent on getting my pass bk so we can apply for my baby ASAP! I hvnt even told my hubby that I don't wanna go with him Bcz I know this will hpn, my FIL will shout at my hubby why doesn't she wana go, we r her family and hence more drama! This will mk hubby angry and I will b forced to go! Plz help
Either let the drama happen now then going to Pakistan and spending couple months in misery. If he wants to shout at his son, let him. Your husband needs to find a way to deal with it.
If you say you do not want to go, your FIL will argue with your husband, who in turn will argue with you. Even if he agrees to you not going, he will most probably hear it no end form his dad and may be in turn you will too.
Has your MIL or whoever you have in your in laws met your baby ? They probably all want to see her and that is why your FIL wants you to go.
Do you know all of your in laws are like your FIL ?
Why do you not want to visit ?
Why don't you go and visit his family but request your husband to come with you for a week and also to shorten your visit and stay there for may be 2 more weeks after your husband comes back. Do you really have to stay for months there ?
Rose, it's inventible, the drama. If your willing to go then no one can help you as you just have to deal and make the best of it. And if your willing to stand up for yourself then you have to deal with the drama. I guess this isn't a win win for anyone. Your FIL treats you guys like little children. If you end up going cant you spend sometime with your family over there as well? Like relatives so you have some time too?
My relatives live very close to me there, it's like one min walk but you know what my in laws don't let me go there every other day like casually! They say it's not good to go like every other day as it looses ghar izzat? I tried this before too but she wouldn't let me go. It would be different without my hubby. I don't get this..
The plan is to go and bring my MIL as her visa will b expiring. But that's not going to happen because my SIL delivery date is in April and she will be there for months.. So yes I won't be back till late June.. Again once in July we will all go back with MIL and we plan to spend her first birthday there! I want it to be grand and I have mentioned casually to my hubby that I will go with you in July just to save costs.. But he's like main akela chala jaon ga!
Yep, lots of desi in laws are like that. I had to go too with my baby and my MIL did not let me visit my parents much, because if someone comes home they will say " whT babu is not at home?". It was awful but I had to go. They also want the bahu to go and do housework there because they think here in USA, the bahu has escaped her in laws and having fun with no one to be strict about housework with her as if she's a slave.
Either you stand up for yourself and don't go but if you don't have the guts then go and just make the best of it. Don't argue there etc because if will make everything worse, I would suggest that you start studying even if it's community college and stand on your two feet. That way you will also have an excuse in the future not to go due to classes etc.
My parents are here but lives few hours drive away. I haven't been there since my Chilla that too only for one week. During the course my hubby stayed With me and we had to leave Bcz he was ill. And he promised me we will go again in months time but that never Hpnd! It's strange when I had my op I didn't get enough care from him during my post ill recovery days and yet while he was ill I cared for him a lot. It was stressful enough with the baby and me recovering period. My SIL come n go every few days but for me? Double standards n hypocrisy!
Op even if u end up having to go then make it a condition that ur return is fixed and that they'll not make u stay for months on end. And if that's not going to happen then atleast u can have some reason to say why u don't want to go (k itll be for so long and that's where ur putting ur foot down). Waesay if there were so many logistical issues then why would fil come alone to u guys? Generally dads find it easier to just travel with their wives, especially the dads who r a little reserved and as u said he finds it difficult to spend time with ur daughter or u alone. The wives (mil) offer a buffer zone and keep them generally occupied and somewhat at ease, and also take care of the little things that they r used to, like khana ya naashta itnay bajay, chai aesay chahiyay hae, sotay waqt yay wo chahiyay etc. I thought such husbands don't travel alone because of all of the intricacies involved.
And now ur telling us that after months of FIL ur going to have months of inlaws and then mil comes back with u for months. Man I really feel bad for u. Now what do all the ppl commenting about how bad she is for trying to get out of it have to say? (again to be clear, I'm not saying u should kick anyone out of ur house but I think it's completely understandable for u to feel this way). I say just get out of it, refuse to go, I think ur husband is going to have to hear kahaniyaan from his family anyway, might as well u hear them in the comfort of ur home far away from the in laws. The kind of in laws sound like ur going to have multiple rounds of baby Ko aesay Kyun Waesay Kyun and what not. I think all that and then not knowing when ur mil is going to decide to finally leave sil to manage on her own, is gonna be way more stressful for u. I say brave the sh!tstorm from ur house then from pak.