Re: I’ve had it!! Enough is enough
My mom, Alhumdolillah, had an overall good relationship with my dada/dadi. The source of contention was her jhetani. I’m not a fan of my taya’s wife; she can be a troublemaker and her husband doesn’t seem like he’d take things seriously. For a long time my mom would get mad at my dad for not taking a more aggressive stand against her…and it would strain their relationship, My dad is the kind to resolve matters peacefully or to let things slide if they are only going to bring more trouble. My mom is more at peace now because she doesn’t dwell on my aunt anymore; she’s realized it’s not worth it. To confront her or teach her a lesson would not be worth it cuz it would have fueled feelings of vengeance and made a bigger mess. Yes it is easier said than done to put yourself in that frame of mind, but it’s not impossible. I can understand the importance of providing emotional comfort to the OP…it has it’s place…but to only coddle and not offer suggestions to improve the situation isn’t helpful. No doubt empathy is comforting and it makes one feel validated…but it’s not very empowering. Op cannot control an old man set in his ways any more than she can control other people. If she’s going to sit around waiting for him to change…or continue arguing with him so that he can one day hopefully accept her worldviews…and as a result feeling let down each time and entering a “victim” mentality. She’s not entirely helpless. There are things that she can do on her end to alleviate her tension. Let’s say that FIL’s criticism stems from insecurity. Maybe he wants validation. Op can try agreeing with him, complimenting FIL in front of her husband…and see what impact that has on him. If it has none on the FIL, the positivity will have an impact on her husband…it can reduce the stress in the marriage…and if FIL still persists in being critical…his behavior will stand out even more…like a sore thumb because OP will not be acting in kind. If arguing with FIL and husband has only made things worse, time for a different approach/strategy.