Re: I’ve had it!! Enough is enough
Oh I assumed the main source of OP’s happiness would be a stable relationship with her husband where she doesn’t feel like she’s losing him & there aren’t constant arguments. Part of being an adult is deciding what sources of happiness are most important to us since life isn’t perfect.
OP doesn’t live with the FIL permanently & this isn’t a case where’s she actually experiencing verbal/physical/emotional abuse. FIL makes comments about her cooking and her mothering skills. Every single mother I know has heard some type of negative comment about her mothering skills, housekeeping skills, cooking whatever…whether that comment is coming from in-laws, some nosy neighbor/aunty, some other mom at school whatever…snarky/rude comments are just part of life. I can very much relate to having to hear negative comments about stupid stuff on a daily basis and understand how annoying it can be. Like I said earlier…OP is free to claim her right to be respected but afterwards, she shouldn’t be shocked if her relationship with her husband gets worse b/c he starts resenting her for how she behaves towards his father.
Of course this is not the last visit. But now that OP is experiencing this visit, she can do things to make it better next time. I believe being in a small flat is putting everyone on edge due to the lack of space. If the FIL is going to be visiting every year or whatever…perhaps OP can speak with her husband about moving into a bigger place by next year if they can afford it. She has the option of finding out from MIL what the FILs favorite dishes are & getting recipes for 2-3 dishes. Then making those dishes during his visit. This is killing 2 birds with one stone b/c I can’t imagine her husband not loving the fact that his wife is (1) Communicating with his mother to get her recipes…food he grew up eating; (2) He sees that wife is making an effort to make his father happy.
In addition I imagine that baby isn’t going to stay 5 months old forever. As the baby becomes a toddler or older, the FIL will also be kept busy b/c then he can actually interact/play with the child. Of course OP should have a conversation with her husband about the halal eating issue so that won’t happen again. If a wife is truly being mistreated then of course she should stand up for herself. But when dealing with stupid drama from our desi in-laws, we need to learn to pick and choose our battles. We need to think about whether we’re willing to accept the consequences of our actions. The whole stand-up-for-your-rights-and-demand-respect sounds great until the marriage goes sour b/c the husband is pissed off that his (1) Father isn’t being treated in a manner which he feels is respectful; and/or (2) FIL goes back and tells the rest of the family that the bahu was rude to him and then the husband has to listen to comments coming from other family members. So while the FIL comments are hurtful, OP needs to seriously think about whether standing up for herself is worth the risk of having her husband move even further from her emotionally.
I couldn’t agree more! And this is why OP needs to learn that it’s ok for the FIL not to like her cooking or not liking how she’s raising her child. She will never be able to please everyone & there will be people out there who will make nasty comments. Which is why she needs to stop caring about FILs words so much and stay focused on keeping her husband happy (and I don’t believe her husband is complaining about her cooking or mothering skills).