I've had it!! Enough is enough

[LucyMay]

Re: I’ve had it!! Enough is enough

@Paheli00

1. I was raised to treat ALL guests staying in my house with respect. I don’t treat a guest differently just because they’re “long term”. This may be a difference in values b/t you and I but from what I have been taught, when you have a guest saying in your house, you don’t leave them alone in order to go have a romantic dinner with your spouse. If FIL had MIL or other adults in the house with him, my opinion MAY be different. But to leave a guest alone, especially a man old enough to be my own father, in the house with an infant while hubby and I go out on a romantic dinner isn’t something that’s acceptable in my book. Its rude…plain and simple.

Good for you. We obviously differ in our philosophies. Leaving an adult alone in the house for one meal is not sacrilege in my books.

@Paheli00

2. Yes, maybe OPs dad MIGHT have offered to stay back and babysit. But that didn’t happen. We’re talking about the FIL who did not volunteer. Of course it would’ve been nice for him to offer but it should not be expected. As I said earlier, if OP is really this desperate for a couple’s night out, she should discuss the matter with her husband, hire a babysitter, and have a romantic date.

That post of mine was a speculation in response to another speculation by a different poster. And yes, I do agree it’s not fair to expect FIL to babysit. She should have just hired a babysitter and gone for the dinner.

@Paheli00

3. BTW, go back, re-read what OP wrote, and tell me exactly what led you to believe that her husband was ok with or was planning on leaving his father alone in the house with the baby. The husband put OP in charge of picking a restaurant and did not tell his father that he wished to have a “date night” with OP alone. Clearly the husband and OP were not on the same page. And as I said earlier……if OP nags her husband into leaving the FIL home alone when the husband clearly doesn’t want to do it…..how does this improve OP’s relationship with her husband? Is this really going to make OP’s husband love/respect her more?

She obviously has things to sort out with her husband. And how is your solution which is essentially “bend over backwards to accommodate everyone and screw your own happiness” going to make OP any happier? And before you say this is just one visit, this is not the last time she’s going to have FIL in the house. This problem, which is clearly making her unhappy, is not going to go away unless it’s addressed. Sometimes you have to take a firm stand on things. Life is not a popularity contest

@Paheli00

P.S. I find the comment about “as long as he had a decent dinner at home” it’s fine to leave FIL alone very disrespectful. The people I know who have cats/dogs think of their pets like this. As long as the pets have food and shelter, it’s fine to leave them alone in the house. It would be nice for us to think of our elders a bit differently than how Westerners think of their pets. And I repeat, it would be very different if the MIL or another adult was with the FIL. But here, we’re talking about leaving the FIL by himself with an infant and a “decent dinner”.

And I find your views extreme and laughable. Also, since you started the comparison between pets and elders - given how loved and well looked after westerners’ pets are, I think we should actually take a lesson or two from them on how to treat our elders.