I've got good news this time

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi guys,

I started talking to a cousin I like, we started chatting and chatting and chatting and I have to say, i like him. We talk about our family and how they are always fighting, he was upset about how my mum gets treated all the time . Basically we had a really good understanding.

Another thing I noticed was that during the time we spoke, he never over steps the boundaries. He asks every single day how my mum is, what is she doing? etc etc and that is a big thing for me. Someone who notices my mum, I mentioned this to him and he said yes, your mum is an exceptional woman and I miss her so much.

He hasn’t tried to get romantic or anything and is quite decent. ( which I wouldn’t mind hehe )

He has also kept his word about not telling anyone about the fact that we talk because it would create huge problems in our families. We share same favourite movies. He cooks and cleans as well, so he says.

The only slightly romantic thing he has said was last night, he said…I think about you during the day!! The problem though is that I originally was only speaking to him in English but he seemed to be struggling so I switched to Urdu, I’m worried that later in life…how am I meant to communicate with him when we are face to face.

My Urdu looks good in writing, not speaking and I hate speaking in Punjabi—so un romantic. Has anyone known of someone whose main language was English and they managed to get along with their life partner in another one. Is it really hard to adjust to someone who doesn’t know your main language? Can I have some tips, experiences?

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Re: I've got good news this time

It's nice to know you're taking interest in the guy and vice versa. I wish you two best of luck, hope everything works out just fine for the two of you.

For your last question:

I don't know anyone else besides me whose main language is English and managed to settle in well with the in-laws. I've been speaking English for as long as I could remember though I could understand Urdu as I was exposed to it throughout my life [family gatherings, granny scolding mom, parents sharing secrets in Urdu, etc].

Personally, I always found myself intimidated to speak Urdu with people who spoke it on a daily basis. Whenever my parents spoke Urdu at home, more often than not I'd understand their conversations but always found it easier to respond in English.

When I met my husband, he was very proficient in English but preferred Urdu. So we didn't have a problem communicating as I always replied him in English. As our relationship progressed, he asked me to speak Urdu and said he'd help me gain confidence in the language. I acknowledged his support, threw away my insecurities and realized he would never discourage me. Before I knew it, he made it a rule that everyday I would say 5 sentences in urdu during our conversation.

After a while I felt more comfortable, and eventually began throwing in occasional Urdu sentences in the midst of our conversation. Seeing him smile at my urdu encouraged me further. It actually brought us closer. He taught me new words, better techniques to structure sentences and everything. When it came time to meet my MIL, I decided I'd speak to her in Urdu. She and the rest of the family recognized my naive accent, but appreciated the fact that I was still trying for them. Instead of criticizing and labeling it as a problem, they found it cute. My BILs rather loved it that I was an Urdu newbie - they would crack jokes in super fast Urdu and laugh like lunatics. Five minutes later I'd realize it was about me [and beat them up, but that's a whole new story].

Up till now, I'm still learning much much more about the language itself and you know what? It's actually exciting when not just the guy you love, but also his entire family pays so much attention to you while you speak, corrects your statements, encourages you on, and smiles at the delight of seeing you speak their language. My advice? If someone like me can get through it, you'll do just as fine. You should take this opportunity to learn something new because it's going to give your future husband a sense of pride as he'll be glad to teach you something you haven't quite known before. It'll give you both memories that only relate to the two of you [a special feeling!] Both your husband and in-laws would be glad to aid your Urdu sentences whenever they find you stuck at it.

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Re: I've got good news this time

Very cool. All good signs mA!

Kindness towards your mom - huge plus.

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Re: I've got good news this time

Punjabi IS the most romantic language ever and best for breaking the ice.

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Re: I've got good news this time

I'm actually on my mobile, stuck in traffic. Not driving of course, and upon reading your thread, I certainly laughed a little inside. I do appreciate your insight of the female mentality. This guy does seem like a gentleman.

That being said, I laughed (internally) when I got to the language tidbit. I'm a native English speaker, and even though I don't fluently speak punjabi, I understand it... And it's a very esthetically pleasing language. It doesn't sound repulsive... But where I'm from in Pakistan they speak more multani/saraki... Again I have no problem comprehending these dialects, but my ability to speak is pretty subpar. It's pretty hot to have your significant other say, "mah tenu kutasai" or whatever... But yeah. As some posters have said... I wouldn't feel too weird about this... Personally my English is great with the standard Hollywood accent...but for some reason I prefer talking to my relatives and family in Urdu and my English becomes brown.., I think they enjoy the brownness... It's easier for them to comprehend the brown accent. That being said, I hope you overcome this minor uncomfortable feeling :)

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Re: I've got good news this time

Make an effort to learn the language and you should be ok, InshaAllah :).

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Re: I've got good news this time

For breaking the ice, breaking your heart, and breaking your bones Punjabi is perfect. But it does not have the softer cadence that Urdu does.

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Re: I've got good news this time

You been watching too much of Punjabi movies bro.

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Re: I've got good news this time

Actually, someone once told me Punjabis were Iike the rednecks of India/Pakistan. mind blown

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Re: I've got good news this time

Punjabies be jahils ......... stay away!!!!!!

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This sounds like a very jaahil and ignorant thing to say/believe.

Did they also tell you that everytime you feel a breeze, it’s god farting? Because that’s the kind of knowledge i’d expect from someone who holds such an opinion.

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Re: I've got good news this time

GUYSS, HE PROPOSED UN-OFFICIALLY AND SAID

I LOVE YOU!!!

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Re: I've got good news this time

so how long u two been talking?

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Re: I've got good news this time

^That's great, CG, and I hope that it smoothly progresses to an official stage. But it's yet to get there and it's easy to get carried away just hearing words that have yet to be proved thru actions. Enjoy this recent development, but stay strong and in control of yourself.

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Re: I've got good news this time


bas? shaadii kii date nahiiN dii? aaaaaaawwwwwww :(

good luck and i hope and pray that this rishta will work out favourably according to your wishes...aameen. :)

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Re: I've got good news this time

Lol guys, I am not getting carried away! No because both our families don't know that we are talking. I haven't said anything back to him apart from the fact that 'you are very nice'.

So I shall keep everyone updated on the progress. Inshallah it will be a fantastic journey for me

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Re: I've got good news this time

Congrats and Good Luck! :)

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Re: I've got good news this time

jeetay raho beta

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Re: I've got good news this time

What does he do? Are you guys in high school? Coz, that is what is sounds like to me...

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Re: I've got good news this time

Feels like that as well.

No I am in second year uni and he owns three shops and manages them. Also has a car rental business. He is 28 ( is that too big a gap? )