I think it all depends on people's intentions. The whole point of "going on dates" is to find out what the other person's deal is. People with the "desperate" mentality are the ones who I see settling alot with a person who is lacking major things... such as the desire to get married soon. For this reason, I dont see the point of girls dating super young guys.... like whats the point??? You know they are not going to be ready to get married anytime soon. Also, what is the point of dating someone who you know comes from a strict family that are against "love marriages"??? You know you will be up against a struggle. Pointless. Without getting emotionally evolved at all, one has to find out these sort of things. And in my personal experience and opinion... it doesn't take long to get these sort of vibes... one date.... two dates max? And by date I mean coffee at starbucks or dinner somewhere? Not really a big deal. We do this at times with friends.... to network... with coworkers.. etc.
And the whole pregnancy and STD thing???? I personally dont know any pakistani couples facing these issues. If their IS that intent to get married.... then there IS a huge element of respect as well. Respect that certain things should be saved for after marriage. Respect for the girl and her family. etc.
I personally didn't have a good experience with the whole "arranged marriage" rishta process... I thought guys and their mom's were being so judgmental about superficial things such as my looks and not even bothering to get to know me and my personality. I was turned off by this. I want a guy to be with me because of ME... not because I am "pretty", my "high punjabi caste", my dad's profession and overall family status, etc. It just seemed lame to me. My own parents were really turned off by this as well. It wasn't just me. They gave me the go ahead to find someone on my own.
So I never dated behind my parents back. Ever. They knew where I was going, at what times, etc. And the only guy that went beyond 2 dates with is the guy I am now engaged with :D We clicked right away and both of us knew that we were both looking for a "long term marriage commitment". And our parents knew about our relationship and never put pressure on us to "hurry up and get married". So yes Reha - we were able to ask for advice from our parents. My mom was my confidant! :)
So technically I have never had any breakups ... only boyfriend I have had is my fiance now. Parents were involved from the get go. Our intentions were discussed from the beginning. This seriously helped us avoid a LOT of issues and problems other couples have due to their "secret relationships".
I didn't see our relationship as work at all.... time just flew naturally! And before I knew it, I was done with my education and he was asking my parents for my hand for marriage :D It was very natural progression with ABSOLUTELY NO DRAMA and I do have that satisfaction that yes - he DOES want to be with me..because of me. Not because of my khandaan or our caste or whatever. We were able to meet each others parents... each others siblings... etc. while we were dating openly as well. This made things even more legit.
As for divorce... I think it is natural that it getting more prevalent...as girls get more educated and more independent .. they can think of this option as opposed to older generations where women were completely dependent on their husbands for everything ...especially financial security. That is why in alot of third world countries, where there ARE STILL MAJORITY arranged marriages.... there are still not that many divorces. Because lets all be real - a divorced girl living in pakistan ... that is a pretty miserable life. But a divorced girl here in the US... still miserable but you can survive and chance to live an independent life ...especially if you are educated. Do u know how many times I have heard that the only reason women didn't/don't get divorced is because they dont know what will happen with them??? They don't want to burden their parents by moving back home. They dont want to burden their brothers by moving in with them. It is an easier option for them to stay in an unhappy marriage.
I dont think it has much to do with luv v. arranged marriage. I think it has more to do with the girl's own mentality and circumstances.... her family situation ... the country she lives in ... her own educational status... etc.
Divorce sucks and no one wants to go through that if they dont have to. Even in the US ... it may be easy to be a divorced woman but it is hell to go through that process to BECOME a divorced woman.
Agree with PunjabiRose, I could never see myself going thru the more traditional arranged marriage setup (esp the tea trolley meetings and being wheeled out like some showdog), I know a lot of families nowadays are going the 'middle way' tho and arranging to meet on neutral territory like a restaurant or even just passing on the girl or boys phone no. to their kids to let them take it from there themselves.. The other thing that was really important to me was that the guy himself wanted me, I've come across so many who've said 'I didn't fancy her the most but I married her cos it made my mum happy' or they'll admit they like another girl more and are just 'settling' for this particular one.. I've always believed in 'the one' and the idea of just going thru the motions like a lot of ppl of our parents' generation do in their marriages is my worst nightmare.. their divorce rates might be lower but that's not to say they're happier than those who've had love marriages..
In our society it's so difficult to be female and divorced, apart from the gossiping and social stigma most women don't work after marriage and so obviously have no choice but to stay in situations they wouldn't otherwise be in, if it was easy to remarry and there weren't so many financial constraints I'd like to see how many of those so-called 'happy' women in arranged marriages would stick it out till the very end..