Its Complicated...

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Its Complicated…

:smiley:

I like dating. I think dating is a supercool thing to do. You’re with the program you know…you beee-long. You’re like the thing man. You know. Like everyone thinks you’re cool. You rock.

:chai:

22

whoa 40 types..
i need to do some catching up
and there I thought I had lived a dodgy decadent life
I am a freaking amatuer :frowning:

23

Re: Its Complicated...

its fun to go on a date with your future husband before getting married..

24

LOL ya pir it is rather disappointing to know that most of them have less to do with the actual deed itself.

To give you an example - if you look at a lady, apparently that is zina of your eyes. If a dirty thought happens to cross your mind, that is zina of your mind right there. The list goes on, and by the time it is fully revealed upon you, there is hardly a body part that has not been involved in the sinful act. So worry not, you would be pleased to know that you have been way more decadent than you think :hehe:

Like the lady said, “Its Complicated…”

25

dont you dare raise your filthy accusatory finger in the direction of my cleft chin it has done nothing of the sort..:mad:

26

claps

27

Some of those things don't really apply to all of us tho, my dad knew pretty much from the start about my other half, even tho he wasn't desi (or even a muslim right at the start), I think generally life can be as complicated as u make it, it's easy to list the negatives in any situation but there are also lots of positives (eg someone u feel u've bonded with and can confide ur innermost thoughts with as well as the obvious emotional 'high' u get), also not everyone goes thru messy breakups, yes, they might feel bad for a bit but then life goes on. Me personally, I couldn't imagine marrying someone I didn't have a close bond with and without 'seeing' them it wouldn't have been possible for me.

They might be the minority but there are couples out there not having sex (I know a girl who does everything with her other half bar the actual 'act') Stuff like STDs u can get from husband as well, esp nowadays when most guys in the west are prob **not **virgins when they marry and most young ppl won't tell their 'secrets' or most contoversial problems to their parents anyway, they'd be more likely to go to their best friend. I don't think love marriages/dating are necessarily better than the arranged marriage setup with no prior contact, just that everyone is different and should go down the route that they think best suits them..

28

YOu’re right. Lekin apna dimagh bhi istimaal karna chahiye hai na kabhi kabhi? I mean why get into something thats doomed from the start? So man people do that.

Word.

:hehe:

29

Re: Its Complicated...

Depends on intentions.
some people just want a break, want to relax and have fun....hence the relationship that may break off soon.
Then there are those who date around to find out what htey can stand and cant stand in a person.
Then there are those who date seriously with the intention of it to end in marriage.

30

Re: Its Complicated...

Dating, courting is complicated and so is any relationship between a man and a woman.

There are people who just date multiple times like a hobby (players) and don't marry till very late when they get more willing to settle down or get tired and there are those who date once and get married.

Unfortunately more men are players than women and women most often end up paying for the complications which arise from dating game. Men usually walk away clean and look for another prey.

Dating minds are curious, less committed, idealistic and many times unrealistic meaning they do not want to accept someone with some flaws. Even though they may find flaws in every person one way or other.

Dating before marriage has one set of problems and marrying without so called dating has other issues.

Depends what set of problems one likes in the end.

Depends what works out for an individual.

There does appear less issues with marrying without dating in modern sense.

31

Reha tbh with you most brown couples i know who are going out are not having sex. So the point of STD and unplanned pregnancies does not even come into play and if one of the two has been around stds can happen in arranged marriages as well so thats another thing. As far as solid advice is concerned most people don't share their married life problems with their parents either until or unless s**t hits the fan and u don't kno wat to do and when that happens in dating people go to their parents too. When I was dating someone my parents knew from week 2 that i was going out with someone and i was dead serious about them. As far as where the relationship is going i think you need to discuss that in both marriage and dating to see where u both stand and wat are your goals in life cuz communication is the key to any relationship and if we're judging how bad relationships are by how many threads we have on life1 then i think arrange marriages and evil in laws have the most threads so yea ...

32

Re: Its Complicated...

I agree with khumar about most of the things that she has said. You don't have to date someone just for the heck of it. For me personally I would not date anyone until i'm a 100% sure that this can lead up to something i.e. marriage. The point being I want to get to know a person a lil bit better so there are no surprises in marriage and she gets to know me too so shez not shocked afterwards.

I am in no way against arrange marriages. I think they work really well. If my mom forces me to go for it I will but even then i would like to get to kno the person. the question is if i would prefer it over picking someone for myself. Probably not

33

Not sure what you meant about 100% sure.

Your first post suggests you dated more than once. Second post suggests you were 100% sure those could lead to marriage.

And what is brown couples? :)

34

The problem is...no matter how much or how long you date...there WILL be surprises. Eliminating them is not possible. Thats the issue I see with dating. If you go in with the mindset that "I know everything about this person now and should fit right into his/her life"...it wont work. Guaranteed. The truth is, we dont know everything about them at all...adjustments are necessary in both scenarios...arranged and un-arranged. So, why not go into marriage with an open mind, ready and willing to accept whoever and whatever you get? Which is what happens in arranged marriages.

This is why dating just makes no sense to me. There have to be adjustments...so why not make them afterwards? After marriage, a couple gets to know each other all over again regardless of how long they date. So, why not just skip it and the drama?

35

Re: Its Complicated...

well frst post suggested that i dated someone ... and i was pretty sure that things could work atleast i made them work on my side but they eventually did fall apart ... and i didn't wanna date anyone after until i'm sure that i see a future with that person ... and by brown couples i mean desi couples as in indian/pakistani

36

See Reha this is where you and me disagree. I know that things will change after marriage and there is nothing that i can do about it. Its the same thing as reading a book and then watching a movie based on the book, u kno the movie is not gonna be the same as the book but you still have a better understanding of how the movie would be like. I agree and I totally understand that you have to make adjustments and living with a person is completely different than marrying them but why not go in with someone who you have an idea about that ok this wat he/she is like and this is wat they like/dislike and having a ball park figure rather than complete stranger where you don't know anything. Someone people think its the charm in a marriage but thats just my own two cents.

TBH there is drama in both marriage and dating. You don't abandon the marriage cuz of the drama (atleast most of the desi people) and most people don't abandon the relationship either cuz of drama unless its something really big. I think people should just keep their mind open about both the options especially when judging people.

37

Yes.

38

I understand what you're saying and it makes sense.

But if you're really honest with yourself...how many dating couples actually observe this theory in real life? Why is the divorce rate so high among us...the generation that dates?

39

hwo can you be 100% sure about some person that she is the one you are gona marry. there are thousands of things that you will realize about her after your first date and may or may not be those can impress you.

There are possibilities and lets say if the possibility is more on -ve side then you at least dated someone and didn't marry?

I don't get when people say that they are only date when they are about to marry that person .. .. the mai purpose of date is to see if you 2 can get along before the marriage and instead of living in a hell you decide whether to take the relation to the next step or not.

Its just stereotyping. Being confused.

40

See Reha I agree that that most people don't observe that theory in real life and alot of people are out to date just for the sake of it ... but thats the same with marriage too you have these abusive partners in a marriage who do not know how to treat a significant other (again life1 has many examples). If these people would have dated and gotten their behind dumped a couple of times because of this crap then they would learn how to treat a sig other. On the flip side of the coin you have these amazing people who were the best gf/bf and got dumped and took a complete U-turn.

The point I am trying to make is that you can't really say one way is better than another. Both have their negatives and positives and it pretty much comes down to a personal choice. Now if you bring religion in then it gets skewed to one side a little but even Islam gives us a choice to marry someone we like (not necessarily date). So if its coming down to personal choices then I personally would prefer to get to know the person a little bit better before getting married. Thats my two cents