how many of you have gone through this.. your parent comes to you and says: “beta we want you to marry so and so coz it was ur grand-mother’s wish, when you were little, she said that she wants …”
sigh, my bro just got into one of these situations and i just can’t help but worry what is going to happen next … i hate these desi thing..its just blackmail 
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Seriously, do istikhara. If it turns out well, then go ahead with the plan, else abandon it.
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
for him abandoning is not that easy Sadiyah.. (but it is an option)
he is engaged to a very close relative.. (my dad's sisters daughter) and if he breaks the engagement then he fears that he might create a void between family relatives and they will blame it all on to our parents..
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Why did he get engaged in the first place? Now that he is, obviously it won't be easy and would look bad as well.
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
yeah Sadiyah his engagement is a story by itself, i will tell you some other time.. .. i guess he just has to figure something out and communicate somehow..
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Emotional blackmail at it's finest. I've seen people who threaten to die on the spot or fake illnesses to get their kids to do what they want, meaning marry someone of their choice. Sad indeed. It is extremely hard to go up against anybody, particularly a parent, who is emotionally blackmailing you.
Has your brother tried telling them what he wants?
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Your family sounds like my family at times. Thank God I escaped the whole "grandmother wishes" deal when it came to my marriage. Although I loved my late grandmother very much but there was no way I was getting hooked up to a cousin of mine just because she wished it so. Thankfully my parents were on my side :)
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
MehnazQ: my brother is of short temper but he has controlled it since my dad is under alot of stress these days and he doesn't want him to get more stressed.. but he has told my mom what he feels and says he is still undecided about the whole situation
Rukhsarbibi: glad it worked out for you :)
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Well as far as your brother goes, my advice is to go with his gut instinct..I understand the family pressure, but from first hand experience, right now its fixable, but if he chooses to get married to this girl and it doesnt work out, it will be 1000 times worse should he get divorced, or whatever.
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
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Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
In families where kids and parents talk about "ristas" and needs early on, usually do not have this blackmail. All of us brothers and sisters married outside the family and I am sure there are some hidden grudges but that's just part of the deal.
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
ahmadjee, sometimes parents aren't willing to budge, so no matter how early or later on you talk, sometimes it just doesn't make much of a difference.
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
ahmadjee, i know that would be an ultimate situation.. but what if parents are of traditional thinking.. and by that i mean.. shaadi only within family.. i am standing against them with my marriage and my brother is with me.. but what happened to him is just unfair not only to him but to her too..
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Why is it that sometimes even very understanding parents just dont seem to understand.
I mean if he doesn't want to marry her why force him to do so.. things will only get worst if they are married without any happiness.
Ansoon why doesn't your brother want to marry her though??? I mean if she is a nice person and since your parents are very serious he might want to get to know her to see if things will work out.
Also my advice would be even though your father is under alot of stress these days he might still want to talk to him and explain that he really doesn't want to marry her because this is a life long commitment! Maybe he will understand... if not he can blackmail him and say but if you want me to i guess i will eventhough it will probably ruin my life. :D
I'm sure no parents want to see their children's life ruined :)
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
haha nice roshi.. advice will be forwarded :D
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
Well,
There are many people who may have suffered from this. I know some friends who were married on the wishes of their grand-parents, though they were alive at the time.
:) :) :)
It is not a bad thing dear. Many of us will want their grand-children to marry based on their wishes too.....:)
In short never blame your parents and grand-parents until you are amongst them too (i.e. you are a parent or a grand-parent). At that time many of us will do the same I guess..
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
umer i wouldn't say that .. just coz our parent/grand parents think in a specific way doesn't mean we would do the same..
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
oh my gosh Ansoon.....this is so weird similar situation is going with ppl close to me....That is scary. And the thing that sucks is the grandparents wanting it. Its like u want to listen to ur elders, yet at the same time want to be able to love that person according to ur wants and needs. It really sucks! And the thing I hate is that the family ties are so close that it makes it harder to say no otherwise ppl are like oh she has problems or oh we don't want to talk to her cuz she didn't accept the ristha. Or ur parents keep harassing u to marry someone u totally don't even like.
Gosh life sucks as u get older....so many more problems to worry about...why can't we just stay kids...:(
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
pretty messed up situation :-/
Re: it was a wish from your grand-parents...
check ur pm..