On average It takes a woman suffering against domestic violience 8 attacks to leave an abusive relationship if they do leave
This is what i heard in a Talk i went to today run by Refuge ( a charity that helps women), the talk was addressed at medical students with an interest in psychiatry and focused on the therapy that follows.
But that statistic just shocked me and i felt really sad.
There were some discussions in this talk about why women stay, most of it boiled down to fear. Fear or being alone, fear or what people will say, fear of revenge.
Its harder in the asian community with family pressures etc.
Why DO women stay in abusive relationships when they should be running as fast as they can!
Here is a music video by a group called Chase and Status which also addresses the issue and they support refuge, if you dont listen to music just put it on mute and watch it maybe? It really spells out the typical abusive relationship story in my opinion. In this case the woman went back to the abusive man
The conclusion is, A man has 7 chances to fix himself :-). And btw, how many times it takes for a man to escape an abusive relationship ?
On serious side of it. I dont agree with you. Depends upon the society you live in. Women in third world countries some times burn their whole lives in relationships despite all on going abuses.
The conclusion is, A man has 7 chances to fix himself :-). And btw, how many times it takes for a man to escape an abusive relationship ?
On serious side of it. I dont agree with you. Depends upon the society you live in. Women in third world countries some times burn their whole lives in relationships despite all on going abuses.
sorry maybe im being dumb...but i dont quite get what you are saying in your last sentence?
I mean I know some women stay, but why do they when they should leave is the discussion i wanted to bring up.
We all know that women in Pakistan are more likely to stay in abusive relationships than women in Western world. And when we compare women in Western world with the women in Pakistan, we will know why there is difference. The statistics provided by you might represent women in the West but then imagine what would be the statistics in Pakistan.
Women in Pakistan are not as educated, independent and liberal as in the West. They are expected to continue their marriages despite all the abuse. Divorce is a big stigma in our society and it is very difficult for divorced women to find a good match. The family does not support their daughter to get out from relationships most of the times. The woman does not find it easy to think about the life after divorce because of all the difficulties so she thinks continuing in an abusive relationship will be easy than the life she is going to face later after divorce.
The lack of willingness for women to get out of abusive relationships in Pakistan is clear. I wonder how and why women in the West would take so much long to leave an abusive relationship with such supportive legal and social environment????
all i wanted to say was that this average number is much higher in third world countries where women try their best to continue despite all the physical and verbal violence.
We all know that women in Pakistan are more likely to stay in abusive relationships than women in Western world. And when we compare women in Western world with the women in Pakistan, we will know why there is difference. The statistics provided by you might represent women in the West but then imagine what would be the statistics in Pakistan.
Women in Pakistan are not as educated, independent and liberal as in the West. They are expected to continue their marriages despite all the abuse. Divorce is a big stigma in our society and it is very difficult for divorced women to find a good match. The family does not support their daughter to get out from relationships most of the times. The woman does not find it easy to think about the life after divorce because of all the difficulties so she thinks continuing in an abusive relationship will be easy than the life she is going to face later after divorce.
T*he lack of willingness for women to get out of abusive relationships in Pakistan is clear. I wonder how and why women in the West would take so much long to leave an abusive relationship with such supportive legal and social environment????*
I think this is what struck me the most and i wonder why they do so!
Yes the statistic must be higher in the third world i agree with both you and kay z.
I think this is what struck me the most and i wonder why they do so!
Yes the statistic must be higher in the third world i agree with both you and kay z.
This shows that women are mazlooom and the weaker gender even in the Western world although the reasons might be unclear for such behaviour of women in the West. May be they would really want to save their marriage and try to compromise and children might be the biggest reason.
also its really sad the I imagine if i was a girl in pakistan in abusive relatioship...I have two choices..get rejected and beaten by my husband or get rejected by my family and community :(
SURELY this should not happen! it shouldnt be allowed!!
This shows that women are mazlooom and the weaker gender even in the Western world although the reasons might be unclear for such behaviour of women in the West. May be they would really want to save their marriage and try to compromise and children might be the biggest reason.
These women should take their children and run away and never return!
There are examples of women who escape abusive relationships, i wonder why some dont and usually blame themselves for whats happening
I know a Pakistani woman (she is a doctor with her husband less educated than her) in USA who was in an abusive relationship for 20 years and eventually her children forced her to get out of this relationship and they forced their mom to divorce their dad which she finally did. I really think its the society which forms the basis of the decisions of women. Hadn't her children supported her and forced her, she wouldn't have gotton out of this relationship.
Now I guess she is more happy as she has her children on her side since they had seen her going through everything. If she had taken the divorce when they were young, the woman might have feared that her children would have blamed her for dissolving the marriage and providing a broken family to them.
-They fear their abusers will become more violent—perhaps fatal—stalking them if they leave. Constant physical and verbal abuse and death threats create a sense of fear among the victims of domestic abuse. Women think that if they leave their home, there is a very real threat to their life and their children. Many women are killed when they try to leave. When the women is leaving is the time when the women is in the greatest danger.Constant abuse makes women so psychologically dependent that they fail to accurately judge what is right and what is wrong for them. They fail to take any independent decision. As a result, they are left with no other option but to stay in abusive relationships. You may across many cases where a person was murdered by his/her partner when the person decided to leave the relationship.
-There are periods of calm, nurturing and love between incidents of violence.Between violent episodes, there are periods of calm during which the abuser is charming, nurturing, and caring. Those traits which initially attracted him/her to his/her victim resurface and the victim sees her abuser as a loving person, thereby reinforcing her decision to stay. Many victims externalize or rationalize the reasons for their abuser’s behavior, casting blame of circumstances such as stress, financial hardship, job stress, chemical dependency, etc. Most of the women believe that their abusive partners will mend their ways, and they will eventually lead a peaceful life.
-**Lack of Resources
**
-Most abused women have at least one minor child.
-Many abused women are not employed outside the home.
-Many abused women don’t have property that is solely theirs.
-In many cases, abusers have cut off access to cash or bank accounts.
-Most abused women fear losing joint assets and custody of their children.
-Abused women fear a lower standard of living for themselves and their children.
So even in the West, not every woman is educated and financially independent.
-Many abused women don’t accept the notion of single parenting. They believe a bad father is better than none at all.
i believe a woman, regardless of whether she belongs from west or east, wants security and stability in a relationship. And its always better to be in a relationship than having none. So women just may keep on giving it a try to settle down and manage with what they have, inspite of the evils their relationship may afflict.
You see east or west, woman nature is same. Much same.
These women should take their children and run away and never return!
There are examples of women who escape abusive relationships, i wonder why some dont and usually blame themselves for whats happening
You end up with an incredibly low self esteem being in this type of relationship...its like rape, others blame you for it and you end up believing it I guess. Given that you have such a low self esteem, you are also less likely to believe that you can make it on your own. Also, women in the West might be more liberated, but there isnt as much support for them as some would like to think there is and 2) many of these women come from communities that expect her to stay in the relationship. I worked in a woman's shelter too and was shocked by some of the stuff I saw
from my personal experience I can say that women stay in abusive relationship for the sake of children but when children themselves come into danger or become another target of abuse they get out of it. Other important factors are financial instability , lack of support from family , log kiya kahain gy syndrome etc.
every situation is different and the one who is suffering in it knows about it. There is no aqalmandi in keep your marriage going till you get mentally unstable or get killed.
If Asian women have children and leave their husbands it's like the worst sin they could commit, even if the husband is a complete douche. Sometimes it's because the women are scared they won't be able to take care of their children (financially), they don't want their children to grow up without fathers and some still love their husbands, despite the abuse.
Also I've heard that women with daughters are less likely to leave because they feel that their daughters will be judged according to their mothers characters and so in the future it may be hard for them to get married off, sounds completely illogical to me but who am I to say? Maybe sometimes they feel like it's a 'phase' it'll pass over or something, it's a horrible truth and one that looks like it's here to stay, with all the support available in western countries women still tolerate abuse. I guess an onlooker can never actually know why these women do what they do.
