It is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation Catty. About five years ago when someone mentioned marriage to me, I would run in the opposite direction. I couldn't see myself settle down with one person for the rest of my life. It was a very scary thought that a man would run my life as he pleases and I would be trapped in a relationship that I won't be able to get out of. But alhamdulillah, things are different than what my crazy mind thought of :) The key is to find *that *person but then the question is how do you know who it is?? I think that's where you have to trust in your judgement and in God and take that chance. I personally went for the engagement because I knew that if things did not work out, I had the option to back out w/out causing a lot of harm. There was a lot of pressure to do the nikah but I couldn't see myself married to a person who I had known for only 4 months.
So the key is to find "that" person where your heart and your mind say yes, I believe we can get along, be good friends, and maybe spend the rest of our lives together. Get engaged and find out more about each other and then if you are still confident in your decision, you can move forward w/ the marriage.
its matural and most people have gone thru similar thoughts at different instensity when looking at marriage.
While you are afraid by looking at the couples who did nto work out or where the marriage exists but it is not a good marriage, you should also be looking at marriages where people are happy.
I know others who have a similar challenge, they have seen so many bad matches, politics, mind games, in-law issues, protocols, nakhray, phadday etc etc that they have just given up on the idea..atleast for now.
but, you have to do what you have to do, when its the right time, the right person and all you will know. But dont force yourself to get into something at the same time dont force yourself to avoid the subject.
Hey catty, what if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, so maybe you shouldn’t leave your house? Maybe there might be an earthquake and your house will come down on you trapping you in the rubble, maybe you should never go back home. Thinking ‘what if’ is a sign of weekness. You have to eventually have faith and take the plunge. If it doesn’t work out, then you learn from your mistake and move on. But if you never even try, you will end up the crazy lady on your block with 9 cats.
the engagement period is the best… u need that time to get to know one another. As in habits, dislikes and likes…