^ Responsibilities change because you go from caring just about yourself, to considering another's wishes, desires, needs, etc. It doesn't mean that you sacrifice your own (at least it hasn't meant that for me) but that you keep each other in mind. He does the same for me, and it's a really nice feeling. And the understanding grows and deepens as time goes on. I had known my husband for a long time before we were married, but, after this first year, it's amazing how much closer we have gotten.
There is always a fear of the unknown. Your fear is natural and it would be scary if you were not scared. However, you will always be scared if you don't take control of your future.
Marriage is nice but it's not an obligation, no matter how much pressure you get. It should be done for the right reasons...making sure you know the other person well and (most importantly at least for me) the other person knows you even better.
I c my cousin whos messed up in the head i think ( i put the thread up abt her) and i c my other bhabhi (cousins wife) who wud talk to my cousin all the time before they got married n he wud be so sweet n stuff n now he barely talks to her , takes her out anywhere n resents that he got married n had a daughter so early.. so umm i dunno that gives me doubts..
... just today half an hour ago, on Geo, there was Aik DIn Geo Kai Saath featuring Nighat CHouhadry, the classical dancer, she had a divorced wedlock, but she says, she will again go for marriage as she thinks she now knows what keeps the relationship alive forever, she said she thinks marriage does not involve two persons to live together, she says it involves four people 'a man and a woman' in man and the 'a man and a woman' in the woman, if there is harmony between these four, you have got a perfecto perfect relationship.
I think a lot of people agrre with this philosophy.
caty…I was 31 when I got married, had dated my husband for a year before we were engaged, engaged one year…etc.
It is a SCARY thing. Lifetime commitment…it’s scary to think that you’re making a decision to be with someone for 50 years or more… I think the older you get the more you realize how different people are, how much you change over time..etc.
But to be honest, our first few years were rough, major major fights..but you work it out. You figure out each others idiosyncrasies/crazys…give and take..let go of some of your own and he does the same…in the end it’s one of the hardest things you can do BUT i can not imagine being with anyone else…and he makes me so happy. It’s a beutiful feeling to know you’re together.
catty- yeah i am :) very nice guy etc - I never lived with family except my parents so i honestly dont know how to handle nakhre of khandan wale.
I am type of a person who likes to concentrate on her own life. I want to have a great career, reach where no one has ever gone. I dont see myself sitting home all day long and make parathey for the entire khandan.
There is so much more that comes with shadi Catty, you dont just marry the guy hits is family as well. Just pray the guy you like you will also get along with the mother. If you dont then my friend we both know women do know how to make anyone's life miserable.
Catty there is so much more and your personality have to be very flexible. You will have in laws giving comments every now and then. I can handle them very well. so far it didnt happen with me i know how to handle a B -since i am one as well ;). I know i have a very rigid personality its goign to be extremly tough for me. I hate fake people and most of the time you run in to fakeness. I honestly cant deal with that crap sometimes i feel sister in law is getting there. I do know very well when to put my foot down and if necessary both FEET.
I personally feel that i wasnt just to born to get married and pop out babies. I feel i have a lot to do in this world, give alot back to the society and do something for our Poor Pakistani Women and kids.
I sometimes feel bad for my UNN guy is lato over me and i am such a brat :d. he knows what he is getting himself in to very well.
As ameli mentioned there are fights and i hate fights. I hate it when people scream on top of their lungs to get their point accross.
Catty sorry for my negative views. But like i said before. If you find that awesome person who gives you that warm feeling of compeletion dont let them go. Hopefully mother in law is nice etc. inshallah and things will work out for you.
^ To add on to that, if your husband is one who loves and supports you, hopefully he will respect and support you if/when there is a conflict. And that's really the most important thing. In the end, if you two have a good understanding, you can handle the others.
N another thing… i dont get why the grls who r all “i dont wanna get married!!!” r the ones getting married n getting the rishtas.. its a thing ive noticed in our culture, like if u wanna do something good, like get married, then ur seen as being weird or abnormal or desparate.. I mean, im looking forward to it, to getting married, but i know ppl r gnna be like “sharam nahi ati” or suspect i have a boyfriend or something, n it sucks
Fight does not mean screaming at the top of your lungs..if you’re a smart couple you will move very quickly to realizing those screaming fights aren’t productive..and you work out a way to talk it out…not that both of us don’t get annoyed and frustrated.
Hi Catty try to think possitive and not negative, I know its a lil bit scary becoz
if you gettin married that's a whole different life but not that bad ;)
May i ask you what ur age is?
i used to be scared of marriage too and used to think how on earth can u spend your life with one person, what if he's not the one, what if i dont really love him, what if we hate each other once we are married... but u know what ... everything does work out... if only u let it :)
i used to be scared of marriage too and used to think how on earth can u spend your life with one person, what if he's not the one, what if i dont really love him, what if we hate each other once we are married... but u know what ... everything does work out... if only u let it :)
Sadzy...
You are a docile, demure and a very humble person...You are the kind of person that men search and want in their wives...(At least from your posts I get that impression)
Since it's your nature to be accomodating and forgiving, it's easy for you to make things work your way...Even if things don't go your way you can make them go your way...
Catty is talking about another problem...What if a girl is either incapable of becoming accomodating or can't stand to be too flexible...
My view is, for the girl it all works out...My sister is and was a headstrong person...But after marriage, she is now MashAllah a mama of 3 girls and runs the house as her husband likes...
hey lajjo aren’t I a docile, marrying type? no don’t answer that.
Sadzz, let me know when the ‘honeymoon period’ is over just kidding man. Yeah I think if you play your cards sensibly, are intelligent and aren’t a selfish person, you can make marriage work. :k: And I’m sure you will do wonders as a wife and mother!
i dunno... its not even about running the house the way the hubby likes or the way u like... before marriage, i used to be quite pyschotic (i think so neways) with what i wanted.. and its not as if you change or give in once u are married... you just have this natural feeling inside you to do things to make the other person happy... and its a two way thing.. you give a little to get something special back :)
hehe catty :) honey moon period is well and truely over... infact my marriage life started off with a few hiccups... but we made the best of them.. and now back at work and back to reality..
you've just gotta make the best out of a situation and never let ur ego get the better of u... it really isnt worth the trouble..
Runs the marriage as her husband wants? Jeez, amazing that you include even your sister in your conception of women as servants - made just to make men happy.
I wonder what you would do if your wifey and you had a difference on something. Would you give in to her to make her happy or expect her to do the vice versa?
I mean, im looking forward to it, to getting married, but i know ppl r gnna be like “sharam nahi ati” or suspect i have a boyfriend or something, n it sucks 
no don’t answer that.
just kidding man. Yeah I think if you play your cards sensibly, are intelligent and aren’t a selfish person, you can make marriage work. :k: And I’m sure you will do wonders as a wife and mother!