I see a possible connection here!! I hope 714 and Ana wont be hesitant to add me in their marriage ceremony's guest list. Dont forget to run a "background" check and istikhara.... :)
cookies? 
oh asif, ana is alread married! and if someone is crazy enough to actually WANT to marry me, well then i will send u an invite 
i know we have some very different views, plz don’t think that i hate you. as for background checks? 
my dad is king of background checks. His friends ask him for help in those. Anyways, I still have a year or two, before they start thinking abt it all. As for isthikhara, i had forgotten abt that actually. Thanx for reminding me. when the time comes, ill be sure to use it
714 are u calling ana a doll? ya phir mujhay? :)
anyways i always wanted to live with my parents..and u might not agree but i think that its part of our culture..50 yrs ago everyone lived together...just recently ppl migrated to different countries to better support their families
and i would never agree with total male dominance ..just because i would like her to live with me at my house doesnt mean i am totally dominating her..it doesnt mean my parents would be unfair to her and i would be ok with it...i'd be fair to both parties...and when i say we should all live together it doesnt mean we should all live in one room lol
sheraz-doll was for you. thats just the way i talk, i add a lot of endearments :D. i don’t think living with ur parents is a necessary good part of the culture, a part that can’t be let go of. would u ever consider living with ur wife’s fam? i hope u could be that fair, but u’d be a big man if u could do that. It usually doesnt work that way. In the end this is me. I want my own household. I would never think to send anyones parents to a nursing home 
(and grr on the person that said that to me-i hope u end up with a very strong and domineering WIFE!!! )anyways, if i have to leave my family, then you should too.
shikra-
u r not funny. and btw, didn’t u tell me u refused to help clean, etc? have u read my posts?
714..thanks doll 
if she is the only child and she does not have brothers who can takecare of her parents…and her parents need someone to be there to takecare of them then why wouldnt i help her takecare of them…hopefully i would like my inlaws…i mean they will be family too u know..and seriously 714 if u really love ur husband..which i have a feeling u will..then i really dotn think u would mind living with his parents..ofcourse they should also treat u like they treat their daughters
:D
sheraz hun ;) what does her being an only child have to do with it? im not, my brothers are mashallah very intelligent when it comes to school things, but in others they are retarded. Ppl think my baby sister is older than them, b/c she is so much more mature and responsible. I could see us taking better care of our parents then the boys. That's silly. I may or may not love my husband. hopefull i will. but the truth is, i wouldn't want to live with his parents. and if we didn't live with his parents, we shouldn't live with mine either. I think the couple should have their own household. I just would prefer the privacy, and personalness.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by 714: *
rajput-i can see where u are coming from. but what if she feels the same way? what if the girl doesnt want to leave her parents. then what do u do?
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Buy a bigger house! Seriously :)
Ok if her family is as small as mine, and her parents are even half as great as mine..I have absolutely NO worry about living with the inlaws and my parents. I know there could be "house politics" problems, but me (on a personal level) can get along very well with others.
Soo true!! That was the target audience I was talking about..Why the hell would someone marry a girl if his main intentions are to get laid. Like I said before, find a warm body and go for it. jeez talk about treating the wifey like piece of meat.
Thanks yara :k: Just keeping the dream alive. Our culture has its high points and family values is a HUGE positive. When I see what my parents have done for me, there is no way in hell I can ever think of not doing the same when it’s my turn.
Sheraz, i think that the desis who are doing really well both financially and emotionally, are those who bring the American work ethic and combine it with our family values…I hope to do the same.
P.S: What are your whereabouts in CT?? Fairfield county here
Jeez Ana, don’t bust an artery!
I mean I just cannot imagine living away from them
WHAT A BIG BABY YOU ARE!!! Baby!!! From now on, I will call you Baby.
Wow so mature of you 
Most of us left Kindergadren when we were 5
Although my parents are pretty liberal by desi standards, I don’t believe in letting go of ones parents after marriage.
You mean YOUR parents, rite? What about your wife, would it be ok for you to go sleep in your parents’ house and her to go home after a hard day and sleep in her parent’s house… since everyone needs to not let go of their parents, yeah? SUPERB idea. That’s fair, I think.
I mean, what if her parent’s like the place they live in just like your parents like the place they are at, and no one wants to move to each other’s place. So, u guys can just split after midnight, and get back in the morning, rite? COOOOL.
Yes, I mean my parents. No ones talking about the insane suggestion you made. I don’t classify myself as a conservative or liberal, so this is without spin: She is marrying into MY family do you understand? When the kids will be born they will continue MY family line. If her parents are fantastic then I have absolutely no worries lioving with them also. I don’t think of these things as make or break, because I will respect my inlaws but MY parents are MINES, they raised me and I love them more so I WILL be biased. Hope you don’t have an MI after this.
I know I sound very one sided but my family situation was wonderful and there is no reason for me to not replicate that.
Baby, we all have had wonderful families, you’re not unique. Can your wife replicate her wonderful family situation as well - which may be a dad working abroad and mon at home and kids in borading school - but still a perfectly happy family situation? So you can stay in the US, she can stay in Pakistan, when u have kids, send them off to Eton. Wonderful replication… and it’s fair too.
First of all I never said anything about other people not having wonderful familes, I am glad they do have great parents. Secondly, my wife and I would have a lot in common if we are to marry including what kind of family we would like to have, so your argument flys out the door. The “wonderful” family situation in my case is something the future Mrs. concurs with me on.
I don’t expect the Mrs. to be a housewife
AY THERE’S THE RUB!!!
You are perfectly happy - like sooooooooo many desi men - to send your wife off to work nicely dolled up, and come month-end you put both your earnings in a joint account and draw on that for the mortgage.. it’s all been sooooooo beautifully planned. Woman gets her “independence” - coz, yeah OF COURSE .. she is a working woman after all… she’s TOTALLY independent - rite?? But the little minor problem just crops up after about FIFTEEN YEARS that she’s been SLOGGING 9-5 like a SLAVE “sharing” your responsibilities - and WHAT does she find in her bank account? ZILCH - for HER, that is. She can’t take a weekend off to go to Mexico BY HERSELF - coz she’s “family”, and she has to drag the whole squadron along with her. BUT THE WHOLE DAMN FAMILY DOESN’T GO WITH HER TO THE OFFICE TO EARN THAT PAYCHECK - DOES IT???
Oh so swwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeet.
Ok, I am seriously concerned about YOUR health now No ones putting a gun to her head to work and yes a joint account, why not? We’re family. If she needs that vacation or “me time” thats cool…oh if shes going to be a slave, so am I! I know for a fact that I plan on giving my family the best I can, so money is not an issue for me.
I find career women to be more appealing
BULL $HIT. You find the fast-talking hot babe in a business suit more appealing, not coz she’s dressed in a cotton shalwar kameez but coz she’s “educated” and can act civilized in society. Don’t give me this Equality Bull$hit - I’ve heard it all a thousand times before - and when it comes to a man’s EGO - trust me, this equality BS all goes DOWN the drain.
Yes sure I find educated, civilized women more attractive. I never said ANYthing about equality so take that foot out of your mouth. You assume a lot of things, most are tinged by your bitterness.
The problem I see with many Pakistani men is that they either believe in dominating over their spouses, or are intimidated by their wives..why does it have to be either? The preferable option should be working with a consensus.
YOU my dear, are ALSO a Pakistani man - so don’t go dissing yer clan so easily. Desi women are a beautiful match for you guys, I love watching the interaction between couples, and it’s just amazing how many henpecked Pakistani husbands there are out there - simply because they just HAVE to bring their ego in the middle all the time in front of outsiders. They act like lions outside the home, and mice inside. It’s ridiculous. When you respect your woman 24/7/360 inside or outside, she will repond accordingly and never give you a reason to feel dominated or superior. But men don’t seem to understand this… and serves them right the way they get treated in the end. Serves them damn right.
I said MANY not all. There are plenty of good male role models for me whose families are strong, wives are happy, so spare me your high and mighty advice. I mean talking about egos, ever look in the mirror?
- You here means ALL the men who have the same type of comments or thinking that Rajput Fury detailed, not just him.
Hey it’s not a biggie if you single me out. I stand by what I said. All I am going to say is that if I ever ever had a bitter attitude like yours, I would never expect a girl to marry me, so learn from a “baby” get a grip on your emotions and join the real world where we resolve our differences not make this into a sex war.
Big whoop you think your someone who can lecture us just because your a womens rights activist, then think again. How about being a HUMAN rights activist? See this diatribe, I have lost much respect for you (then again who cares?). Get this straight: You are absolutely the same as those Masculine men, all talk and no results! You and your so called “enemies” share the same egos and the the lack of compromise.
I don’t want to list my activities but lets just say that I would rather work to better the conditions for men and women alike. Please get a clue on why your message- a feminist one- was rejected by the majority of women.
:k:
like what you have say..I definately agree.
raajput yaar I feel really strong about this...i also know all parents dont treat/love their children the same...but thank God my parents are great and no matter how much i takecare of them it will never be enough...there is a hadith by Prophet that your heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother.....how can i leave my mother :)
i work in hartford but live in middletown...you are near newyork so its cool..u can go thre anytime u like
Muzna-really sorry.
do u guys not see the double standard? I will always think my family is the best, why should i leave them? Why should I leave my mom? Living with your mom for the rest of your life isn’t good family values. you just think ur mom is great, and u don’t want to leave her. Guess what. I feel the exact same way abt my mom. I would never be able to make my husband’s mom my mom no matter how nice she was. buy a bigger house?!?! that’s ur answer? BS. There are many parts of this culture that i think are wonderful, however i don’t think u guys are going abt it the right way at all.
Please get a clue on why your message- a feminist one- was rejected by the majority of women
RF - WHICH women rejected my message? Pls. point out to me all the names of the women who answered this thread, and which ones rejected it in particular. Then get a clue.
Bitterness? I just stated facts as I saw them, and u think I'm spewing venom here? As for losing respect for me, like I said, I'm not here to gain anything or lose anything, just kill time by answering meaningless General Cafe posts, and swat flies by answering things that matter to me.
RF: Ok if her family is as small as mine, and her parents are even half as great as mine
**I never said ANYthing about equality **so take that foot out of your mout
She is marrying into MY family do you understand?
When the kids will be born they will continue** MY family line*. If her parents are fantastic then I have absolutely no worries lioving with them also. I don't think of these things as make or break, because I will respect my inlaws but **MY parents are MINES, they raised me and I love them more so I WILL be biased*. Hope you don't have an MI after this.
My my my. See a common pattern here? I sure hope she understands all this! Good luck!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Asif M. Ali: *
First of All, My parents do need me to stay with them because they are old and they cant take care of themselves. Leaving me in their old age will be very in-human. I wil provide my wife food, shelter, clothes to wear and my self and lot of respect frr her. THats the mose I can give her and I expect her to respect me and my family and take care of them as if she takes care of her own parents.
[/QUOTE]
Yeh hoi na mardon waali baat...totally agree wid ya...
You know what the best way your wife can get along with your parents is if you guys move out but keep in touch with your parents and help them whenever they need. It really becomes a "battle" for a woman (and as well as for her husband) in trying to get along with her in-laws, it's obvious that both parties try to control each other, it leaves hard feelings about each other. I think most women now-a-days expect their husbands to move out after marriage because they want to make their life less complicated than it is. The whole idea of a joint family system is like impossible to imagine, people want more privacy than they ever wanted before. There are so many things to worry about than worrying about how to make your wife to obey your parents(now-a-days people don't even get along with their own parents how do you expect them to get along with yours?) live with them and listen to whatever they say, that's just too much to ask you know. People want "easy" life. However, if you do think she should live with your parents all her life and never be rude to them then I think you should explain this to her "before" marriage not on the wedding day, for God's sake.:D The wedding night is a beginning of new life for both o' you so it should be nice. It should be only about you two! :)
ps.
btw nice to see so many people love and respect their parents!
Guys, this topic will soon be split into two. One for the original post (suhaag raat) and the other for Extended Families.
payee jaan, the ‘one being’ is nafs no puslee shuslee..
Ana jee i’m a male.. no woman can be so intelligent and handsome