my brother justr started uni, issue is its 2 hours away and now he says he wants to move out and live neaer, my dad would never allow this, so now i think my brothers playing up, sulking around the house, moody, and not going uni, hes not restricted, he works, he socialises until god knows what time, he still meets his mates untul 11 12pm, even when mums telling him to go to sleep cos hes tired but he wont stop going out yet he moans that the uni is too far and hes tired…how do we explain to him that even if its 2 houra way he has to go, thats life for gods sake…hes being such a baby…almost like hes saying well if u wont let me move out, i wont go uni…
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
Didnt he know the uni is 2hrs away when he enrolled in it??
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
Your brother is justified. I had just over an hour's commute and it was hell. You get home late, tired and in no mood to study.
I eventually got to live out for my master's and having both experiences, the latter makes a huge difference to both your study and social life. I fought with my dad to allow the same for my siblings as soon as they started uni so they didn't have to go through the same things I did. Only sibling 3 who's just started uni didn't bother to find a place to live (1.5hrs one way commute daily instead) and now regrets it. And sibling 1 who lived out first year of undergrad thought he would be fine at home for his PhD which he's just started but after 2 weeks he's also realised it was a big mistake to think he could commute and have enough time for everything.
He might be acting like a baby but in my opinion, it's your job as big sister to look out for your siblings. Look at the situation objectively. Your brother spends 4 hours travelling every time he goes to uni. Unless he just goes 2 days a week or something, that's a lot of time wasted. I'm sure there are a million other things he could be doing instead. In which case, your dad is the one that needs the explaining to.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
How many classes he has to attend and on which days ? I am sure he has to attend max 3 hours worth of classes so he can go to uni put his time on studies in between classes and come back home. He seems too waste time and you dad knows that once he moves out he will be wasting more time that is why your dad is not allowing him to move out.
Ask your dad to let him move out but he need to put the condition that your brother will have to foot the bill for living away from home. Once you bother will realize how hard it is to work and study he might want to move back in.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
he goes 4 days a week, i dunno man, thats the thing, if he was the studious and well mannered type maybe dad would. he just seems to be wasting time, and not taking it seriously and the fact that he doesnt go uni now just to show a point of oh u wont let me stay out so thats why....is childish...hes also out until late and he smokes,,,,my dad doesnt trust him enough otherwise im sure he would let him stay out....plus it doesnt help that my dad seems moody too, and at times snaps at him and tells him he thinks hes getting up to bad stuff...even when my brother isnt....is just fueling him. i dnt think my brtoehrs responsbile enough to live out tats the thing..
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
Really, 2 hours away should not be that much of a deal.
Mine is 1 hr 40 minutes away, and it is very managable.
I think he just wants to move out, and uses this as an excuse. And your dad probably knows that too.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
Agree with Stoppit.. If his uni is 2hrs away can't blame him for wanting to move out (unless it's toooo expensive and he expects ur mum and dad to pay or something)..
Imo if he's an adult it should be his choice if he wants to move out..
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
how do i explain to him......what can i say...
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
how do i explain to him......what can i say...
The only solution is to kick him out. If he makes something good out of himself it is his gain , if he turns out to be a bum it is his loss. He is wasted already even if he stays home.
Your dad seems to be a controlling sort and does not want to let go of you brother because he thinks that your brother will be spoiled more. But he is spoiled already. So here did is the one who needs a talk not your brother.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
I can see where your brother is coming from. I did a post grad course at a different uni to the one I graduated from. This resulted in a commute of two hours each way. Thank God for me that I was only attending uni 3 times a week for 8 months. I was left so exhausted by the travelling alone and I found it pretty stressful relying on the trains etc cos one of my professors was a jerk and would lock the door at 9.05am. Anyone not in class by that time would end up missing it. Most times in the evening I'd be too worn out to study properly. I wouldn't have been able to do this 4 times a week for like the next 3 years... no way!! I think you should reason with ur dad and explain to him that the effect of travelling so much might be detrimental to his studies. At the same time your brother needs to be aware that he can't take the p*** and use this as an oppurtunity to live it up rather than studying and get him to come home during the weekends and holidays as a compromise.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
4 hours of commute a day? I dont blame your bro. Any sane person will want to move near to school....
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
thing is, if he rested and was seen as responsbile maybe dad would let him go. at the moment, he wakes up at2pm and then goes out nwith mates....so hows this gonna convince dad to let him go....
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
I have a 40 minutes commute to work each way and I HATE it.... 2 hours each way would be enough to drive me crazy.
Try to reason with your dad. If your brother already works, I don't see much harm in him moving out.
In any case, whatever your brother wants to do, he will do despite living at home.... ghar mein rakhnay ka koi faaida nahin hai. Maybe he will grow up a little bit and get more responsible when he realizes how expensive it is to live on your own.
I don't think your father can keep him home for long anyways, he's an adult.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
Mirch - I don't know about nadz bro but myself and my siblings has classes 5 days a week from 9am-6pm with an hour for lunch, and just a handful of free periods a week. In my opinion, parents need to realise when the children become adults and treat them as such. It shouldn't be a case of 'your dad knows that once he moves out he will be wasting more time that is why your dad is not allowing him to move out.'. He's not even giving him the opportunity to prove himself.
Money shouldn't be an issue because of the maintenance loans for students, which is more than enough for rent and modest living expenses.
Nadz - you need to sit down and talk to your brother in a mature way. Tell him that you realise that spending 4 hours a day travelling isn't a good use of his time and that you will convince your father to let him move out but you can only do this if he starts acting maturely. Probe him a little bit to find out whether he actually wants to study hard and what he wants to achieve. If he seems sincere about studying etc, explain that he should change his behaviour effective immediately - stop going out late, behave properly with parents, spend time studying etc. Explain that this well make it easier to convince your dad that he is serious about his uni life (in respect to studying) and should be given the opportunity to prove himself.
But he should also realise that living out doesn't mean abandoning family life altogether. I think maybe your dad is afraid of that? Which if your brother is barely home at the moment, one can understand. So your brother should know that if something is important to your parents it should be important to him to. He will need to compromise and if allowed to move out will have to agree to spend the weekends at home with family instead?
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
thing is, if he rested and was seen as responsbile maybe dad would let him go. at the moment, he wakes up at2pm and then goes out nwith mates....so hows this gonna convince dad to let him go....
even in staying up late I dont blame your bro. Once he has spent 4 hours on the road, he really need something/someone to get freshen up and if his friends freshen him up, what else can be done? I am sure he is too consumed after 4 hour or travel to study anyway.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
^I agree... there's nothing wrong with meeting friends and relaxing. He needs a social life too.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
two hour commute each way is RIDICULOUS.
Well, explain it to him that he has to man-up and take responsibility for himself, as well as showing it to your parents that he can do it. Make sure you tell him how you know that he is a good kid; whatever his good qualities are.
I have had plenty of those conversations with my younger bro. Still need more.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
seriously, I don't blame your brother. Two hour commute is wayyy too much.
Let him move out. It'll be better for his studies. It'll give him more time (4 hours more) to do what he needs to do and it'll teach him how to be responsible!
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
I would not want a 2hr commute. Why not give him the opportunity to explain how he would manage rent and class and other responsibilities? Or tell him to sign up somewhere closer.
Re: issues with brother ???GRRRR
Yep he has to be man enough now to go rent his own room and board near the university to prove to dad that he can do it and he is man enough , instead of living like a bum at home.