Issueless Divorce??????

Lifestyle Relationships
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So I went out couple of times with this Hindini a friend of mine hooked me up with. She seems pretty good conversationalist and is really cute.

So we were talking and somehow the conversation turned towards her. She told me she’s got her divorce about a year ago. She knew her ex from grad school, they fell in love, got married even before graduating, were married for about five years, and then things didn’t work out and they got divorced last year. She then casually ended the synopsis with, “It was an Issueless Divorce”. She said that as if she was announcing that she had a veggie burger for lunch.

What the heck is an “issuless divorce”? Does it mean that one day you wake up and mutually feel like getting divorced and boom, there you go. Or does it mean that you don’t really consider whatever the issues were (could be variety of things) not issues? What exactly is an “issueless divorce”?

The thing is that, I don’t have a problem if someone shows remorse, or emotional sensitivity towards her past relationship. As a matter of fact, it’s very natural and I expect it. Otherwise it tells me that you’re an emotionally selfish person.

The very big issue is not that you’re divorced, it’s rather that you fail to admit that there were issues due to which you had to get divorce. Afterall, it’s understandable that you get hurt if a relationship doesn’t work out and both of you had to end it.

It’s ok to get hurt, and it’s ok to admit it. It’s emotionally healthy. Take your time and get over with it. But to close down in denial to somehow pose yourself as you’re some friggin’ emotionally stable and strong person is superficial and phony. It eventually leads to “power games” and a very unhappy relationship. It’s either that you’re pretending to be so, or you are in fact completely unhurt of, of the end of a close relationship – which is even worst. That’s like cold, stone-heartedness. What a ch******* pretense.

I’m so turned off. I want my money back that I paid for the dinner, and the time I took, and made the effort to take her to my favorite resturaunt and let her in on a secretive best bread and olive oil combo in town. She doesn’t even deserve the Paprika Chicken recommendation.

Aik to ullu kee pathhiyaaN boht heiN duniya meiN. It’s a whole big conspiracy. Someone has given off my home address to all the emotional nutcases in the world. I keep meeting one after the other.

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You didn't like her is one thing.

It is probably similar to whats known as "un-contested divorce" and probably there are countless of these all over. It was probably the lady's way of suggesting that she is not carrying any excess baggage from her previous relationship and it was ended amicably bcz things didn't work out.

What is all the remaining babbling u are doing?

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Roman, did you care to ask her what she meant by "Issueless Divorce"?

4

maybe she meant a childless marriage...

5

I got through deciphering your post, but it made me very, very dizzy :mudhosh:

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hang in there .. u'll find someone u r meant to be with.. : )

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THat's rich Roman....although Hindinis can't be as casual as to simply say talaq three times. like some desert incantation, and be done with a miserable marriage.

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In the desi context doesnt issueless mean no children?

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It seems like a issueless relationship that lead to a issueless divorce since their relationship could have been based only on infatuation. I think, marriage is all about being with your best friend, otherwise, I cannot imagine how people communicate with their spouses after living with ‘em for such a long time.

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Re: Issueless Divorce??????

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Roman: *

What the heck is an "issuless divorce"? Does it mean that one day you wake up and mutually feel like getting divorced and boom, there you go. Or does it mean that you don't really consider whatever the issues were (could be variety of things) not issues? What exactly is an "issueless divorce"?

[/QUOTE]

Just admit that you liked her beauty but when she opened her mouth you didn't like her. From "issueless" she is probably trying to tell that she is not emotionally attached with her ex. and has no emotional baggage.

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Sounds like she just didn't really want to talk about it for some reason.

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‘Issueless’ does mean childless…maybe thats all she was trying to get through to you.

I doubt very much that by ‘issueless’ she meant that they had no issues between them which ultimately led to the divorce. You can’t expect her to give you an account of ‘issues’ that led to the divorce in just a couple of meetings can you.

And if you are referring to issues resulting after the divorce e.g. emotional turmoil/ hurt, well maybe she has no remorse! Maybe she is just glad to be out of the relationship.

p.s. an emotional nutcase would have been one who cried and cried over her ex and made you listen to all her rantings and ravings.

and CH that is not an attack against Hindi woman or a generalization regarding their lack of sensitivity that you had to compare it to the ‘casual’ utterance of ‘talaaq’ 3 times :hoonh:

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Oh I'm sure her divorce wasn't "issueless" as in the magnitude of significance. The girl needs to have a better feel for you as a person before she can divulge more intimate details about what prompted the divorce and what touchy emotions are involved. She may have emotional baggage that she's lugging around or she may not. With time, you'll find more answers to these queries. In the meantime, take a chill pill, relax, and contemplate if you're interested in this girl who has been previously married. Are you willing to give her a chance given the knowledge that she is divorced?

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She had already told me in the earlier part of the conversation that they didn't have any kids, so I don't think by "issueless" that's what she meant. Either that or she herself didn't know how the word "issueless" is perceived but used it anyway to undermine the seriousness of end her relationship.

As far as contestless divorce is concerned, a contestless divorce could be out of various things. You could be fighting all the time and eventually, contestlessly feel that it's better to part ways. But then again, there are "issues" that led to fighting, and that led to contestlessness. I'm totally clueless on what those "issues" were.

The way things started off (not just during the last meeting but over the span of telephone conversations as well) that she was quite nonchalant about knowing about myself. It was not overbearing, nor it was hastened but at the same time there was a sense of curiosity and interest. She kinda tackled it quite well. So by the time we had the conversation about her, she knew my "baggage" to a comfortable level. I expected the same. And I think it was only fair to expect so.

She used phrases like 'grew out of relationship', 'things didn't work out', 'even though I'm a working woman, I'm quite family-oriented', 'I put 100% in a relationship'. The usual good tid-bits.

How the heck you grow out of a relationship? You love someone, live with him for five years, and then you suddenly grow out? How the heck do you put 100% in a relationship if by now you know more about my emotional being and I have no clue how you are? Everyone has a baggage (a friend told me last night), and you were quite interested in knowing mine, how about you put your part of the 100%? It's just too contradictory.

'Games' is written all over this thing. One year after the divorce and you pose yourself emotionally unscarred and nonchalant about the whole thing. Mohtarma needs a shoulder to step on to climb up. Self-denial my ass.

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Can I know your baggage too and tell you that I am issueless when you ask about mine?

p.s. maybe she didn’t like your baggage and that’s why she kept hers from you Roman…awwwww :kiss:

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Femme, you can step on my baggage all you want. Stomp me, trample me, crush me. I won't even utter an 'uff'. Promise.

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p.s. maybe she didn't like your baggage and that's why she kept hers from you Roman...awwwww

Well, then she shouldn't call me back. It's that simple. We'd see about that.

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Yeah, I see you point Roman, and it's quite valid. How could she have put 100% into the marriage without any emotional scarring to come out of this thing unscathed. It had to have left SOME impression! Either she is in self-denial or just pretty much cold-hearted to whom a serious commitment like marriage of all things is a mere game. If this is the case, Roman, drop the gal and move on. Who knows, you might be better off this way...and don't worry...there are plenty of fish in the sea out there, buddy.

:)

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The problem lies with Roman unable to take a dip in that sea Moona :D