Hey all ! I had my engagement done 6 months before .I’m in love with that guy since 5 years.After many struggles we both get engaged alhumdulillAllah.The problem is that after engagement my mother -in-law is continuosly forcing me to learn and practice good cooking and also the guy is saying me the same thing.I’m doing my final year of engineering that’swhy i have to give alot of time to my studies.I told this study thing to my fiancy but he is saying that he wants a good tasty food after marriage and he will not compromise on this food related stuff . He is saying that you should have to cook after our valima.They r not understanding that i have to study also.That guy is taking side of his mom,dont know why.Any reason behind it? Why they are forcing me that much on such a lil issue?
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
Can you balance the two? It will not be as if they will expect you to cook all day surely.
Maybe they want a traditional, stay at home type bahu/wife.
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
Disturb - I am really very sorry but I am laughing 
And I honestly wish you all the luck for your wedding and exams. I am sure you will be able to balance the responsibilities very well inshallah.
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
@ dildirani----------> if they want a completely home type bahu/wife ,then why they
also wanting an engineer girl ? Why the guy is inspired with my studies.?.He should have to marry with an inter pass girl who can cook best for them.
@ Jaanwar-----> at what are you laughing?? Thnx for ur wishes ..
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
at least they are giving u a taste of wht it is going 2 b like after u get married to this guy.
Seriously why r u marrying him??? I knw desi guys like their food, but demanding that u learn to cook to suit his tastebuds b4 u get married especially when u have exams is simply just not on.
Put ure foot down and tell him u have exams, and if he wants a cook he shud hire one , or marry a girl who is prepared to just cook 4 him.
I know this seems like a total overreaction but i've seen this all b4 with other ppl. Its a great achievement that u r studying 2 become an engineer, but do u think they r really going 2 let u work after u get married i think they just want a bahu who will b there 2 serve their son't needs at all time!!
Best of luck
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
hiya, i had worries too with my fiance. and my cousins who are married have hubbies who demand their food etc and the wives are pretty much obedient to them and they are HAPPY....thats the main thing. if its not making you happy, then think twice. im like that too, i hate orders and i dnt like him telling me what to do, so we argue. but its best to let him know these things before rather than after.
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and exams are more imp, even my fiance who is an idiot at times, hasnt made that demand if i have exams......so talk to him.
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count your blessings!! you are lucky enough to have a sneak peak at what it's going to be like after marriage....not many do. if they continue to do what they are doing...I'd prolong the engagement to make further observations so that you are given the chance to rethink this entire marriage thing thoroughly
If you have explained to him your situation and he is still insisting/forcing you to do something so trivial as to learn how to cook before marriage.....this may be a tell tale sign of disaster ahead. A good husband/fiance would understand that your education is a priority at the moment and he should not/would not want to interfere with that.
besides cooking for your husband is something that should come from the heart...you cook for him out of love not because you are being forced to do so.
My suggestion...ignore them. Concentrate on your education and leave the rest for later or when you have time on your hands.
something to seriously think about.
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
count your blessings!! you are lucky enough to have a sneak peak at what it's going to be like after marriage....not many do. if they continue to do what they are doing...I'd prolong the engagement to make further observations so that you are given the chance to rethink this entire marriage thing thoroughly
If you have explained to him your situation and he is still insisting/forcing you to do something so trivial as to learn how to cook before marriage.....this may be a tell tale sign of disaster ahead. A good husband/fiance would understand that your education is a priority at the moment and he should not/would not want to interfere with that.
besides cooking for your husband is something that should come from the heart...you cook for him out of love not because you are being forced to do so.
My suggestion...ignore them. Concentrate on your education and leave the rest for later or when you have time on your hands.
something to seriously think about.
I THINK most men and in fact all, would want their wife to cook regardless if if theres any love in the heart, its most of the time a duty to cook. and not a luxury for us girls......
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
I THINK most men and in fact all, would want their wife to cook regardless if if theres any love in the heart, its most of the time a duty to cook. and not a luxury for us girls......
agreed.....
i made a simple point....
a husband should be understanding if she cant during her studies....and he certainly shouldnt order to her to learn BEFORE marriage. She will learn and want to cook for him on her own if she loves him. This is not something that he has to order her to do.
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
I THINK most men and in fact all, would want their wife to cook regardless if if theres any love in the heart, its most of the time a duty to cook. and not a luxury for us girls......
I've told my fiancee that I want yummy delicious food all the time after we get married - and that we'll get it as take out from the delicious Pakistani restaurant around the corner from my house.
She seems happy with that :)
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
I've told my fiancee that I want yummy delicious food all the time after we get married - and that we'll get it as take out from the delicious Pakistani restaurant around the corner from my house.
She seems happy with that :)
aww so sweet. just cuz u said that now she will cook for u...very smart i must say :D
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
Hmm cooking versus engineering studies. The answer is quite obvious - don't you think.
Cooking good food is not rocket science. It's a step by step procedure that even dumb a$$es can do with practice.
You'll have plenty of time to perfect in your domesticated life. Concentrate on studies woman!
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why dont u use shan masala,national masala, laziza kheer mix kinda things?
you will spend an entire day, trying your best, but still you can never be better than his mother.
honestly, if u dont have any passion to make and then to decorate em, dont waste your energy.
make ur life easier.
ps. only kids love food made by their mother since they are use to it. so moral of the story should be: Teach your kids that dont treat ur wife the way ur father treats me.
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Thnx a lot all of you! Well my mother-in-law said to me that she doesnt like shan masala and national masala stuff datzwhy i have to use homemade masalas for cooking.The main issue is this that her own daughter ( my nand) uses national masala and shan masala for her husband.Dont know what's wrong with my fiancy ,even we have a 5 years affair with each other :((
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so disturb angel, once u get married who do u think would be doing the cooking otherwise?
you, your husband, your MIL? a cook?
just because someone is professional does not mean that other family responsibilities end do they?
Now I assume you are in pakistan, and the family culture there varies greatly based on social groups etc etc.
as far as as your nand using shan maslaa etc, she is cooking for her husband who is from a diff family.
what I would honestly suggest is that you do learn to cook, even if it is on weekends. and ocne u get married spend some time with your MIL learning to cook what your husband likes.
now, that being said, i find their approach as you have stated rather offputting and oafish to say the least.
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D,A i think this is not a big problem and u r thinking too much about it..see u can handle this like this..when ever they say about cooking u tell them that " sure why not ..i will definatly cook"...may be they just want to see ur reaction??
trust me when u will say this to them im sure they will understand that u will cook and they will not bother u again..
and about cooking let me tell u...if after marriage u will cook food of ur husband's choice he will love u for that..he will feel proud that u love him thats why u r cooking for him...
and if u r studying ..so thats not mean u have to cook everyday for learning...u can try something on weekends or sunday...
and next time give them a nice reply with a smile :).
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Ohmigosh, what is with this cooking thing??!! How much do you men need to eat?????!!!!!
WHY are you even struggling with this issue? Tell him you're going to learn how to cook, yes. But only on weekends for now because you're in school. When you're done, you'll cook one dish in the afternoon and he's gonna have to eat that for dinner too.
Ladies, set the bar yourselves so you're not living according to someone else's standards for the rest of your life!
I know, how evil of me.
Re: Issue of Cooking !!
Ohmigosh, what is with this cooking thing??!! How much do you men need to eat?????!!!!!
WHY are you even struggling with this issue? Tell him you're going to learn how to cook, yes. But only on weekends for now because you're in school. When you're done, you'll cook one dish in the afternoon and he's gonna have to eat that for dinner too.
Ladies, set the bar yourselves so you're not living according to someone else's standards for the rest of your life!
I know, how evil of me.
^ Reha, if you're evil..........then I'm MALEVOLENT!
Disturb_Angel,
Set your boundaries early in a relationship. If you don't set them now....then you're setting yourself up for hardships. Be firm with your fiance and tell him that your education is important and that cooking and studies can both be handled. One can study and make time to learn cooking. *And tell him that you have the rest of your life to perfect the art of cooking.....but your education has a limited time and deserves your immediate attention. * And kindly remind him that a wife is more than a servant.
Also, please don't hurt your education for a guy. If a guy turns out to be a SUPER LOUSY HUSBAND and if your marriage turns out to be dysfunctional...............At least your education and degree will help you get a job so that you can support yourself. Think about that. In these uncertain times and crummy global economy.....it's necessary for a woman to have a degree....to support herself if the circumstances demand it.
I understand the importance of learning how to cook and you SHOULD learn how to cook. But your fiance's demand for cooking is more than off-putting....it's paindu-like. He said there is no compromising for tasty food? Well, guess what, you're a human. And some days you might even make mistakes in cooking (too much salt, the meat is over cooked, etc). What will he do then? Punish you if the food doesn't taste good? What if you're sick and can't cook? Is he not even going to compromise in that situation? This is ridiculous. Compromises are a part of marriage. If he meant his comment as a joke, it's understandable. But if he was serious.....that's disturbing.
What kind of relationship do you have with his mother? If him and his mom have shown a pattern of this off-putting style behavior....please consider if this relationship is right for you.