If you can't learn to cook while you are studying, how on earth do you plan to manage it when you are married and possibly working and parenting? As someone else mentioned, cooking is not rocket science, and it doesn't take a lot of effort. Even desi cooking is not all that complicated and there are plenty of shortcuts available - just check the other forum here for tips. If you can't cook and study then I would really suggest working on your time management and multitasking skills. I simply do not understand this attitude of "I'm studying, and therefore cannot do anything else at all with my life." I worked part-time and was married when I was doing my BA, and still managed to graduate with honors. If anything, it made me more efficient because I knew that I had to schedule my time appropriately.
I am really put off by your fiancee's attitude - is it possible that you are misinterpreting him? Why waste time arguing with his mother about cooking? This is one of those situations where "in one ear, out the other" is probably the best policy, and if they persist, I would really consider if this is a family that I wanted to be a part of.
Hey, it's not a big deal to learn cooking. Most of our desi foods have the same procedure and ingredients anyway! Don't analyze the situation too much as to why they want you to learn and all that. Some families love eating and are just picky about that. Just spend a couple hours every week to learn some tricks from your new family and you'll be an expert in no time!
so you are engaged right now but you are already worried about having to cook AFTER you get married?? concentrate on your studies right now and worry over this dilemma when you are actually in the situation btw as others have said cooking ain’t rocket science, and it really does not take very long esp desi cooking, gather some recipes from your mum and you are all set. unless of course they expect you to present a five course cordon bleu menu every day, this is really not an issue.
cooking has been elevated to an ‘issue’ in marriages these days? i’m so getting behind on the fads these days :hinna:
Hey, it's not a big deal to learn cooking. Most of our desi foods have the same procedure and ingredients anyway! Don't analyze the situation too much as to why they want you to learn and all that. Some families love eating and are just picky about that. Just spend a couple hours every week to learn some tricks from your new family and you'll be an expert in no time!
I'm learning to cook these days and desi cooking is pretty easy once you understand that the foundation for most dishes is the same. But cooking is not the issue here, so much as the way in which her fiance said it.
If he said it in a joking/teasing way, i can understand. But if he was serious, it's disturbing. To make a girl cook after the valima.....let her get adjusted to her new environment at least. Know what I mean?
And he said there's no compromise for tasty food. That sounds paindu-like to me. And it better be a joke. Cuz even the best cook can make mistakes in cooking and the dish might not be so "tasty". Or she might not be able to cook some days. He said "there is no compromise".....well, all relationships involve compromise.
Hey all ! I had my engagement done 6 months before .I'm in love with that guy since 5 years.After many struggles we both get engaged alhumdulillAllah.The problem is that after engagement my mother -in-law is continuosly forcing me to learn and practice good cooking and also the guy is saying me the same thing.I'm doing my final year of engineering that'swhy i have to give alot of time to my studies.I told this study thing to my fiancy but he is saying that he wants a good tasty food after marriage and he will not compromise on this food related stuff . He is saying that you should have to cook after our valima.They r not understanding that i have to study also.That guy is taking side of his mom,dont know why.Any reason behind it? Why they are forcing me that much on such a lil issue?
this is ur happy married life versus academic life.If they r stressing that much respect it.for start make a list of some of their fav dishes n just practice those on daily/weekly basis.learn some shortcuts to save time.
one tip buy shan masala packets follow their recipies n life will b easier.
also try to fix wedding date few months after finals n take time to master the art.
remember just u take out time to eat,sleep,bath,socialize u can find some time to cook too.
If MIL doesn't like Shan masala no need to tell her u used it.use it to practice at home n till wedding master the dishes.
PSquared and redvelvet, i agree most times with u guys.. but sorta disagree with setting the boundaries stuff. A marriage doesnt need such things... we make it too complicated, when its a very simple thing. Me thinks
Disturb_angel, everyone likes to eat good food. You can cook bad a few times and the hubby will smile at u and think ur cute, but at the end of the day, he's prob wishing u get better... or may even get up and help u out and give you tips.
nothing wrong with cooking for him.... marriage aint just a name of a relationship.. with it comes a lot of responsiblity, care, dedication and understanding. Ofcourse your studies matter and stuff... but dont just snub off the responsiblity and respect cus just u've got a degree.
^ at least expectations if not boundaries should be communicated. To say that one will never compromise in regards to cooking or any other household chore.....is a bit much. (And maybe he said it jokingly, who knows?) But he has to consider that sometimes things can come up that can interfere with household chores and one has to be flexible.
And most relationships do have some sort of boundaries/limits. Whether it's limits on how money is spent, or moral limits (drinking, cheating, etc). And they can be established through discussion/compromise.....and both parties have to be flexible regarding them as they are not always set in stone and are tentative to change.
^ yeah expectations are different from boundaries.
Drinking and smoking is an expectation too... me thinks. You expect your hubby/wife to not drink and smoke. But ur right, you can make it a boundary
for me, boundaries are very negative. Whereas expectations are a positive thing.
People used to tell me all sorts of things too before i got married, during my engagement period, about how to set boundaries with my hubby and inlaws so they dont expect me to do things all the time. I just think its such a negative thing to have...
p.s Im pretty sure we're saying the same thing but different words.. lol
^It's a wording thing, lol. You know some education experts feel that teachers should use the word "expecations" instead of "rules"? They think that rules sounds harsher. LOL. I do "expecations" in my class, hehe. Some words are interchangeable and using different wording can help calm a situation down, even. :)
I guess, at least talking about expectations is important. Boundaries and duties in a marriage can overlap and fudge sometimes, so it's not always carved in stone. And that's what both people in a marriage need to understand. In the poster's case...her expectation might be for her husband to understand that duties (even cooking) might have to be compromised sometimes and that flexibility is necessary.
Yup ! u people are ryte that marriage is not only about cooking and cleaning but they are not understanding this.I know that cooking is not that much tough.As i m doing engineering than i think nothing is harder and difficult than such studies.But how can i tell to my MIL that i can do this on a ryte time but they start shouting from so early now.Every thing has it's own time to do.And the main thing is this that my fiancee is also taking side of my MIL.
Yup ! u people are ryte that marriage is not only about cooking and cleaning but they are not understanding this.I know that cooking is not that much tough.As i m doing engineering than i think nothing is harder and difficult than such studies.But how can i tell to my MIL that i can do this on a ryte time but they start shouting from so early now.Every thing has it's own time to do.And the main thing is this that my fiancee is also taking side of my MIL.
well if studies are important to you...then ignore them and concentrate on that. You dont need to explain anything to them right now as you are not married.
you can learn to cook whenever you have some time or even after marriage....it really isnt a big deal.
and for those people that are telling her to learn to cook over the weekends....some fields of study do not give people the freedom to do such activities over the weekend. I know when i was in college....my weekends were jam packed with papers and exams etc. Only she knows how much time she has on her hands.
