Re: isnt this being abit senseless
I actually don't think it's weird for you to maintain some distance from male staff. He didn't restrict you from speaking with him. You can probably go into the same space and get what you need. The idea is just that you don't linger wherever he happens to be working, unless necessary.
This is one of the complications of having a home with servants. You do need to adjust and compromise.
So agree!!
isnt this being abit senseless
Who's laughing at you and why would anyone be laughing at you.
Why is it an issue. Why can't you say sure I won't go around him but if I need something and he's in my way I'm going to go about my business. Why would you be purposely hanging out with the servant anyway, your husband is kind of annoying. His entire family are control freaks.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
It's common to have houseboys where I live and my hubby is also somewhat conservative. So he also gave me similar instructions, but I don't remember them being such a big deal, maybe it was the way he said them. Anyway, without my hubby telling me, I used to wear my abaya when the houseboy was in the house because I'm a lazy person and like to wear pjs at home, so I didn't want to change clothes when he came and this was the easy way out. in the beginning when the Kaamwala was new and we didn't know him so well, he used to come in the evening after my hubby was home from work. (I was newly married, no kids, and living alone with my husband, so I was actually comfortable with this). And then there was the added instruction to not unnecessarily be in the same room as the Kaamwala if not required and not too much close proximity. Just explain stuff to him give him instructions and ten go back to wherever else in the house I am. This being said, if I was sitting in the common area of the house, the tv lounge, and he came to clean there I wouldn't move, but if it was some other room (which were also smaller than the tv lounge) then I would just move to give him space to do his work. I remember I was teaching him how to fold fitted sheets, and I know I can't do them on my own neatly so I said I would fold those with him (like 1 or 2 sheets, that's hardly 2 minutes) so my hubby didn't like that. Anyway, I didn't do that again, and he learnt to do them well on his own so it was not a problem. The only other thing I would do then was fold them with my husband (if houseboy would have trouble with the sheet folding).
Anyway Over time we got to know him better and he was genuinely a shareef Person, we both eased up and my husband had fewer objections to anything and I myself became comparatively more comfortable. He sometimes came during my husband absence (cuz hubby was randomly working longer hours some days) and it was more convinient for houseboy to come early evening. I stopped wearing the abaya after I had my baby cuz it was just cumbersome with a newborn and feeding and stuff, I switched to a big dupatta wrapped like namaz, and longer shirts with my pjs. My husband was slightly taken abackwhen I did that the first day but I told him how inconvinient it was for me now with the baby and he didn't object to it.
I still give the houseboy his working space, (actually he's nice enough to give me space, if I'm doing something there he just says he'll come back to it), am nice to him but don't make unnecessary conversation. I don't know who in their right mind would laugh at u for following ur husbands preferences (which might seem irritating to u) and if they're not big inconveniences then I think u could somewhat follow them without any major problems. Aren't houses in Pakistan generally bigger? So it would not be so difficult to be in another part of the house. Or u can save some chores that u do in ur room for the time that he's doing stuff in the house.
isnt this being abit senseless
When did you go back to Pakistan Nadz?
And as far as your predicament, I agree with S02
Is he cute? ;)
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
I thought servants were for your convenience?
?
It's common to have houseboys where I live and my hubby is also somewhat conservative. So he also gave me similar instructions, but I don't remember them being such a big deal, maybe it was the way he said them. Anyway, without my hubby telling me, I used to wear my abaya when the houseboy was in the house because I'm a lazy person and like to wear pjs at home, so I didn't want to change clothes when he came and this was the easy way out. in the beginning when the Kaamwala was new and we didn't know him so well, he used to come in the evening after my hubby was home from work. (I was newly married, no kids, and living alone with my husband, so I was actually comfortable with this). And then there was the added instruction to not unnecessarily be in the same room as the Kaamwala if not required and not too much close proximity. Just explain stuff to him give him instructions and ten go back to wherever else in the house I am. This being said, if I was sitting in the common area of the house, the tv lounge, and he came to clean there I wouldn't move, but if it was some other room (which were also smaller than the tv lounge) then I would just move to give him space to do his work. I remember I was teaching him how to fold fitted sheets, and I know I can't do them on my own neatly so I said I would fold those with him (like 1 or 2 sheets, that's hardly 2 minutes) so my hubby didn't like that. Anyway, I didn't do that again, and he learnt to do them well on his own so it was not a problem. The only other thing I would do then was fold them with my husband (if houseboy would have trouble with the sheet folding). Anyway Over time we got to know him better and he was genuinely a shareef Person, we both eased up and my husband had fewer objections to anything and I myself became comparatively more comfortable. He sometimes came during my husband absence (cuz hubby was randomly working longer hours some days) and it was more convinient for houseboy to come early evening. I stopped wearing the abaya after I had my baby cuz it was just cumbersome with a newborn and feeding and stuff, I switched to a big dupatta wrapped like namaz, and longer shirts with my pjs. My husband was slightly taken abackwhen I did that the first day but I told him how inconvinient it was for me now with the baby and he didn't object to it. I still give the houseboy his working space, (actually he's nice enough to give me space, if I'm doing something there he just says he'll come back to it), am nice to him but don't make unnecessary conversation. I don't know who in their right mind would laugh at u for following ur husbands preferences (which might seem irritating to u) and if they're not big inconveniences then I think u could somewhat follow them without any major problems. Aren't houses in Pakistan generally bigger? So it would not be so difficult to be in another part of the house. Or u can save some chores that u do in ur room for the time that he's doing stuff in the house.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
If he's doing bathrooms, mopping, dishes and laundry folding that's convinient enough for me, rather than the freedom for a couple of hours to roam around my house in pjs. I can't have a part time maid here, can only have one with the sponsorship and the living in issues. Don't need 24hr help in my house. So this works out best for me. Btw when I came to visit my parents home (after marriage) while my mom had a houseboy (instead of a maid) I conducted myself the same way. (we never had a houseboy or a maid for that matter, while I was unmarried and still living at my parents home)
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
And most importantly, what does the kaamwali think of this latest development?
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
Islamically, it's NOT allowed to have a naa-naHram to be inside the house as a servant in the first place.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
Is thread mae yehi kami rehgai thi..the islamic debate of the servant's existance in the household. How can u have a mahram servant? Own a slave? Make ur brother do the dishes?
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
Is thread mae yehi kami rehgai thi..the islamic debate of the servant's existance in the household. How can u have a mahram servant? Own a slave? Make ur brother do the dishes?
i am just a messenger...what i said is wrong/incorrect? the problem we have is that we try to fit Islam in our life style rather than fit ourselves in Islam.
there is a right thing and a wrong thing...we have the choice to follow whatever we like but we'll be held responsible for whatever choices we make. we may opt to sin, it will be our choice/convenience but it's NOT our majboorii...we may learn to do things ourselves our keep the servant away from naa-maHram, both male and female.
why can't brothers do the dishes? i help my Bhabhi!
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
I still fail to see the issue here.... you're allowed around the boy when there's a need... why would you deliberately want to linger around the servant anyway? If its a matter of him working in the kitchen and you needing to cook... well work around it, find a different time of the day to cook. The servant cant possibly occupy ALL common spaces at once now can he?
Perhaps a bit of structure in the way the chores are carried out by the servant can help you better organise your day to do what needs to be done and not be in the same space as him.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
He didn't say linger
He said the kaamwala is new
These boys are unreliable so until.he proves he's not going to do a runner or whatever husband wants to remain distanced. He said go if u want something but duppatta sai karke jao.
Everything is a hassle.I agree Islamically etc but I'm.not religious so for me its a hassle.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
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Re: isnt this being abit senseless
He didn't say linger He said the kaamwala is new These boys are unreliable so until.he proves he's not going to do a runner or whatever husband wants to remain distanced. He said go if u want something but duppatta sai karke jao.
Everything is a hassle.I agree Islamically etc but I'm.not religious so for me its a hassle.
so basically he is telling you to take caution until he proves to be reliable. i don't find it strange. indeed this makes a lot of sense.
you need to take caution when you hire someone new at your place irrespective of the gender.
and i agree that roaming around in duppata in his presence in your own house could be a hassle but then one needs to conduct oneself according to the environment and situations. and this ain't calling for too much flexibility. just a tiny one.
i wonder if you will have a young girl as a maid in your house and if your husband would roam around in his shorts and "banyaan" in her presence, how would you feel about it. more so how would the poor girl would feel about it. so if your husband is telling you to duppata sahi se le ker jao us ke saamney tou it is not objectionable.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
^I would just not have the young maid if it was an issue.. That way husband can walk around however and whenever he likes..
I agree with eastern, I thought having maids was supposed to be for our convenience, not more hassle..
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
He didn't say linger He said the kaamwala is new These boys are unreliable so until.he proves he's not going to do a runner or whatever husband wants to remain distanced. He said go if u want something but duppatta sai karke jao.
Everything is a hassle.I agree Islamically etc but I'm.not religious so for me its a hassle.
This is different than what you stated in your first post.
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
Its not different after reading ur replies I spoke to him and that's what he said. Sorry I didn't mention it.
And we can't do.nothing about it as I said parents have hired him not us.and its for their convenience
Hire a young maid. Either ur husband will become busy or that 19 year boy will…either way monkey will be off ur back
PS: think of it as an opportunity. Any work u can’t complete, u can easily say "wahaan wo Larka tha, main kia kertee? 
Re: isnt this being abit senseless
