She and her boyfriend (both 22) have been seeing each other for about 8 months now- by seeing I mean the fairly typical western concept of dating. Both their parents are aware that these two communicate and want to get married. However, their parents refuse to let them get married until they have finished uni and begun working as they want them to focus on their studies first.
So here is the question: They want to get married, their parents say no atm…how do they avoid sinning and keep their parents
happy at the same time? By sinning I just mean holding hands,talking etc (NOT sleeping together). What does Islam say
whereby a couple wish to make their union halal but their parents
disagree? Do they forbid their parents or what? They do not wish
to be involved in a bf/gf relationship any longer as it is leading to
a sense of unhappiness amongst them.
Also…the guy is sort of double minded in that at times he is over-ridden by guilt at having a gf but loves her to bits too. He also of course wants to be financially stable when he marries her but is sick of feeling guilty- he can’t live without her although he tends to shut her out at times when the guilt consumes him.
What do they do?
Any constructive input into the matter would be appreciated.
The lesser of the bad things would be for them to do nikkah with their friends as witnesses without telling their parents.
Then they can continue to live as 'single' people without 'rukhsati', but they will make their 'companionship' halal. Although it will be deceptive to their parents ...
They should continue their studies and as their parents say get 'married' afterwards. If another 'nikkah' is done there is no harm in that/ or when everything is finalised for the shadi for them to come clean that they are already 'nikkah'fied - then only the ceremonies are left.
The lesser of the bad things would be for them to do nikkah with their friends as witnesses without telling their parents.
Then they can continue to live as 'single' people without 'rukhsati', but they will make their 'companionship' halal. Although it will be deceptive to their parents ...
They should continue their studies and as their parents say get 'married' afterwards. If another 'nikkah' is done there is no harm in that/ or when everything is finalised for the shadi for them to come clean that they are already 'nikkah'fied - then only the ceremonies are left.
I however, wud disagree as one part of the nikah rulings IS that .. you need the permission of your 'wali' i.e. the parents from both sides, if not then uncles, if they are not thre, then grandfather etc etc .. right .??? and the permission of wali isnt there at the time of nikah ..ok the nikah wud be done yehh but is it logically, out of respect for parents, and for the betterment of all the ppl around ie. friends and family ..be a right action ?? after all the nikah IS done so the family, the friends know that the action of nikah was done through the RIGHT channels and if the action of nikah has flaws ..it raises an objection that fulaan and fulaan done nikah chori chori oh wi without parents blessings ..wud bring pain and to some extent shame to parents that how ungrateful their kids turned out to be ???
ps. this is my opinion and how i wud go about it it were to happen to me.
You are totally right, and I confirm it is more than your personal opinion, but of our madhab too. Out of the 4 madhabs only one allows nikkah without wali, but I think it is the Maliki one because I have forgotten which, it means the nikkah will surely be done, but as I said before - to do nikkah chori chori is better than mixing together without nikkah at all.
There are two undesirable things, but one is better than the other.
the Nikah is not valid if the girl's wali does not give permission. I think the boy and girl needs to go to an elder in the family who understands these matters and get them to speak to the parents for a Nikah, giving the reasons stated in the initial post. The rukhsati can be done later on but the parents should agree to a Nikah keeping the teachings of the religion in mind.
How difficult it is to control oneself from handhold , hugging , and making out , just talk , chit chat , go for dinner that should be extent of interaction between those two.?
If they do a nikah without involving parents things can go south , I mean any set of parent could totally against this union.
Another sensible alternative should be that they talk to their parent by involving someone their parents trust and look up to, and get nikahfied and hold off the rukhsati till they are stable enough in their lives.
Their parents should be made to realize that their studies and mental well being is already in jeopardy , Nikah will help them more to concentrate in their studies.
@icesoul....... thats not taliban mentality thats islamic mentality. and there's nothing wrong in having an islamic mentality. it's people like u who should get bashed up by the taliban. u can't just go around and label things according to ur own opinions.
Assalaamu alaikum, please ask them to look into katb iktab. It basically is a nikaah followed by the rukhsat at a later or following date. Allah (swt) knows best.
I however, wud disagree as one part of the nikah rulings IS that .. you need the permission of your 'wali' i.e. the parents from both sides, if not then uncles, if they are not thre, then grandfather etc etc .. right .??? and the permission of wali isnt there at the time of nikah ..ok the nikah wud be done yehh but is it logically, out of respect for parents, and for the betterment of all the ppl around ie. friends and family ..be a right action ?? after all the nikah IS done so the family, the friends know that the action of nikah was done through the RIGHT channels and if the action of nikah has flaws ..it raises an objection that fulaan and fulaan done nikah chori chori oh wi without parents blessings ..wud bring pain and to some extent shame to parents that how ungrateful their kids turned out to be ???
ps. this is my opinion and how i wud go about it it were to happen to me.
the Nikah is not valid if the girl's wali does not give permission. I think the boy and girl needs to go to an elder in the family who understands these matters and get them to speak to the parents for a Nikah, giving the reasons stated in the initial post. The rukhsati can be done later on but the parents should agree to a Nikah keeping the teachings of the religion in mind.
What does Islam say whereby a couple wish to make their union halal but their parents **
**disagree?
islam says that a baligh girl and guy has every right to get married and that parents involvment is important. jin shaadiyon main maa baap ki marzi nahi hoti woh shaadiyan zaida arse nahi chalti. (though its not that if parents said no then marriage cannot happen AT ALL, ofcourse it will but the blessings of the parents wont be there)
Do they forbid their parents or what?
yes if at this stage they just get married they will be going against their parents...or if they dont get married and still meet and do like holding hands etc then they will be going agianst allah.
They do not wish to be involved in a bf/gf relationship any longer as it is leading to a sense of unhappiness amongst them. **Also...the guy is sort of double minded in that at times he is over-ridden by guilt at having a gf but loves her to bits too. He also of course wants to be financially stable when he marries her but is sick of feeling guilty- he can't live without her although he tends to shut her out at times when the guilt consumes him.**
What do they do?
yaar i am just thinking that being muslims they should have known about their limits right from the beginning (there is no harm in meeting as long as their parents knows about it but it should have been in limits). also the parents should have taught them right from the beginning about their limits. anyways cant bring the time back so now i think they should either get engaged/nikkah (though i am agsint it) but perhaps this will give some assurity.
do the parents know that they hold hands etc??? if they do then i think they should explain to their kids the islamic point of view on this.
plus the dude needs to make his mind up aswell. he needs to change his thinking...if everytime he is going to meet her and think oh today i am going to meet my gf then he will get confused. he should think of it like this that i am going to meet my future wife. same goes for the girl.
finally i would say that perhaps you could tell/explain them that listening to their parents would be the most beneficial for them. they might gain little happiness if they go againt their wishes but it wont earn them lifetime happiness. and in this case its not that parents are totally against it, they are happy with this rishta all they want is that their kids are settled in their career which is reasonable of them. as for holding hands etc they will need to control it themselves.
unko is baat ki assurity dil do ka jab maa baap razi hain tou unhe kya zaroorat hai gunah kamanay aur maa baap ka dil dukhane ki.
Maheen, this is cultural, not Islamic. If ur Hanafi a nikah without wali’s explicit permission is still legally valid but not recommended, most desis pretend otherwise tho.. not surprising from a culture where parents were always expected to choose the partner for their son or daughter
You are totally right, and I confirm it is more than your personal opinion, but of our madhab too.** Out of the 4 madhabs only one allows nikkah without wali, but I think it is the Maliki one because I have forgotten which,** it means the nikkah will surely be done, but as I said before - to do nikkah chori chori is better than mixing together without nikkah at all.
There are two undesirable things, but one is better than the other.
It's Hanafi (ie most of us), not Maliki that permits it.
