Peace Miss_Noland
I have not been able to find time to give you concise answers for the further questions you have raised. Howevr, it is good to see that you are accepting some things from us as reason/explanation. This does show that you are genuine at least to me. I think when it comes to providing answers for faith a different sort of response needs to be put together.
Any way … I hope I am not answering what others have already answered here. Also, I don’t intend to have lengthy side discussions with other Muslims here either. I can but that would be diversion.
You asked here whether I thought it is unfair that a man can divorce his wife, but a wife can only separate. Actually, I think it is appropriate for both to be in this situation. Women and men deep down inside are physiologically and psychologically different, the One Who Knows us is the One Who has put these conditions on us and we believe it is from Him and from no human being.
The simple explanation to your query is this:
A man gives dowry as security for the woman, in return the man has say for divorce. Look at the beauty in that! If a woman had say for divorce AND the security would that be fair?
There is give and take from both sides. Islam does not view equality as equivalence of role, rather it demonstrates harmony by ascribing different roles enough to counter-balance one another. As a man is charged with the duty to ‘pay’ for his wife’s upkeep this focussed on alone will seem unfair and people may dismiss Islam because it is unfair to men for having to put their money in all places and leave themselves with little, however, on the flip side if a woman is in a position where she has slightly less authority than her husband for some matters does that not make it fair? I think it does.
Regarding polygamy, there really is not that much of it. Those who practice it are really doing so due to a cultural norm that Islam is blamed for. Islam prefers monogomous marriages and you can easily ascertain this from the Qur’an. It allows polygamy for a number of wisdoms that we can extrude from human history, but the short answer is that it is a non-starter of a question. Islam capped polygamy whereas other religions allowed any number of wives. Islam also warns against marrying with selfish reasons, for with those reasons there will be injustice and they will be held responsible.
Islam is not necessarily a playing field limited to this Earth. It is and bears on what becomes of us in the Hereafter as well. Do you think that God The Most Just will not provide people with their justice?
Yes and Islam at least Shari’ah does develop and if there is such a thing as a norm that has become outdated such as slavery there is no need to bring it back. Islam puts laws on how to treat slaves, but it does not encourage keeping them and in time people freed their slaves anyway. There is a position here that you need to understand and that is today we live in the legacy of Islam. If Islam did not come then nothing we know of virtue and fairness would be existent. It is a bold claim but the butterfly effect of Islam is this platofrm that you are today standing on.