Re: Islam and marital rape...
1 - Some people want to call it marital rape and I choose to call it spousal abuse.
Theyre not the same thing. Manslaughter is not the same as murder, according to Islamic law or any other law. They have different terms because they're different things. Rape and abuse are different things. Being deliberately cruel to your spouse, hitting him/her, slapping him/her, throwing things at him/her with the intent to cause harm.. thats domestic/marital abuse. Thats not rape. The woman could be equally guilty of abusing her husband if she did any of that. Rape is forcing another person to have sex against their will. When one forces someone to do that, they inevitably cause either physical or emotional harm. So yes, they've abused their spouse in the process of raping her but theres no denying that what they have done is rape.. ie forced themselves on the person when she was unwilling. Whether the person is your spouse or not doesnt make it any less/more acceptable. Islam doesnt say that once you're married you have the RIGHT to have sex whenever you want, however you want. Islam says once you're married, you're ALLOWED to have sex, whereas before marriage you werent. Just because Im allowed to do something, doesnt mean I have the right to do it. I may be allowed to hit someone, doesnt mean I have the right to hit them.
2 - Some people pointed out that calling it abuse eclipses the gravity of it however calling it rape exxagerates the concept of marriage associated between two spouses.
Marriage is utterly sacred and meant to be a support for both people involved. What do you think is more of a crime, more of a betrayal? That a woman's body is violated by a stranger who forces her to have sex against her will or is violated by the man she married, who should have had more consideration and affection and love for her. Its so easy for a man to say the situation is different, place yourself in the wife's shoes and imagine how it would feel. The woman has been violated either way, no where does Islam sanction forcing one's wife to have sex.
3 - At no point have I said it can be condoned.
No, you didnt. But insisting that its abuse and not rape makes it more acceptable. Its saying just because a woman is married, she gives up the right to say no, I dont want to. Where in the Quran does it say thats what marriage entails for the woman? I dont want to hear what some imam has said about it.
4 - The punishments for both should not be the same.
Why not? Its the same act.. violating the other's body, going against their will to satisfy one's own desire. If Islam doesnt give you the right to do that, marriage or no marriage, then that act should have the same punishment.
5 - In Islam the rapist and adulterer are both punishable by the same approach. The topic of this thread was Islam and Marital rape not Marital rape and the UN or USA, so lets stick to the confines of religion here.
And the reason Islam does that is not to give any legitimacy to either. Why do you assume that because the punishment is the same, then that must mean that forcing sex in a marriage isnt rape? Why that conclusion? Why not conclude that in Allah SWT's eyes, violating a woman, any woman, spouse or not, is as great a crime ?
6 - Normally I don't think a woman would think about marrying her rapist whereas if the husband had forced sex upon her it may not alienate her necessarily like it would in the case of a rapist because the bond there is more than just that, they are a couple.
Again, why do you assume that just because a woman remains in the marriage after being raped, it must be becase she doesnt view him as a rapist? There are lots of reasons why women stay: the stigma thats attached to divorced women in many societies, children, fear, the concept of honor, the prospect of 'shaming' the family, further abuse etc
7 - Most of the men who may force their wives into undesirable sex may not even ever think about doing the same to a woman they are not married to. A common rapist has no regard for his relationship with the victim.
Of course they wouldnt because they would know they def couldnt get away with doing that to another woman. So that makes it ok to do it to your wife?
8 - Such behavior of a husband must be dealt differently than that of a rapist.
Again why? Its the same act, the same disregard for the others emotions,wants, feelings, the same desire to act on a sexual urge, the same violation of another's body and in the case of a spouse, a complete disregard for the woman one is supposed to love.
9 - The same husband may be willingly invited to have sex by the wife who at times might be forcing his way. Would a woman willingly invite her rapist later on.
No, she probably wouldnt even invite her husband again if it wasnt for the hundred social/cultural factors that come into a play in a marriage.
10 - The bond between husband and wife is not that of strangers where such execesses are treated as crimes straight away.
Its more of a crime that someone who is supposed to protect and love his wife could do that to her.
11 - Use your god given brain before you start saying it should be punishable the same as a rapist, if a husband forced sex of his wife once should she go and have him stoned to death and live the rest of her life as a widow and with orphaned children. If an unmarried or even married woman gets raped by another it has violated her privacy also (which is no secret for her husband) or she may not even get married because of that and shunned by her society (these are all realities). If a husband did that she can talk to people in confidence and try to rectify the husbands behavior and if it doesn't work then get a Khul instead of enduring the abuse in my opinion.
She should be able to choose to do what she wants; get a khula, leave him, forgive him and stay with him. Thats not the issue. The issue is that islamic law doesnt address any method of justice for a wife if she has been raped by her husband. Sharia wasnt sent down by Allah SWT, the Quran was. Muslims then tried to formulate a law that would be based on the Quran. There is no reason laws cant be adapted if theyre not going against the Quran. Can she go to the courts and say "Ive been raped by my husband, I dont just want this marriage annulled, I want him punished for what he did"?
12 - The sensitivities involved in marriage are different from a normal rape situation.
Exactly. If anything, its even more cruel that a husband could inflict such an act on his wife.
13 - Please use your brains instead of balls before replying now.
Just because someone disagrees with you doesnt mean they dont have the capacity to think and formulate an opinion.
14 - In all honesty I can't imagine a husband would be doing to his wife what a rapist does with a victim woman. The comparison is unfair. At least I haven't seen that happen in muslims maybe it happens in western countries where even in marriage individualities are concerned and they still live like independent people. Please do not be comparing the brutality, attitude and un-concern involved in rape to a husband forcing sex with his wife, its apples to oranges here. And if it is then by all means persecute the guy.
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well said,
comprehesive reply,
Sometime a single word/sentence has different meanings in different cultures and even in different environment in the same culture. The relationship of husband and wife based on Love and Affection, Need and Desire, Rights and Duties .... and when this relationship starts, the word "rape" cant be used. A wife and husband are equal, but when we analyze at micro level, she has more rights than a husband. In case of domestic violence, she can use her rights.