ok heres my situation, iv been married alhamdulilah for 6 months now. i started helping out with the housework right from the beginning its what we've been taught.
my mother in law does everything in the house & from the impression i've got she wants me to be just like her..which isnt a bad thing as shes really lovely mashallah...
I have 2 sister in laws 1 is 22 and the other is going to be 17 soon.. they both are really nice but the problem is they do nothing in the house! i come back from work & go straight to the kitchen with my mil & i make the atta, salan, wash up make them all tea while they watch t.v, even after dinner they go off to their rooms and im left to wash up. i feel really bad for feeling annoyed but its not like their kids. my mil makes them breakfast and brings it in on a tray while they watch t.v- i found it sooo wierd in the beginning because at my mums we all did everything ourselves. i mean they never iron their clothes- mil does that, so when shes doing it i feel bad and take over but now its starting to get to me.. my mil never tells them to do nething, instead does it herself so i obviously get up to help her
ok sorry for ranting but i dont no why its bothering me so much! i dont even mind doing housework, its just the attitude that i find really wrong
rant over
Masha Allah you are married.
Don't worry sis. Some mom spoil their kids and later after shadi they pay the price.
You don't worry and keep doing what you are doing. But don't take girls work in your hand like ironing girls cloth but you can do that if you want to out of love and Allah will give you great reward.
Sis you are so lucky.
My sister use to give her SIL nashta on the tray and she keep galiing my sister continously ask every time cook this for me and cook that for me and my sister use to do like servant with all the galies and use to give her tea on her bed. Use to do whatever her MIL says and they all don't do anything my sister has to do cooking and everything all with 24 hour galian and buduain even galiaan to my parents.
But after sometimes Allah helped them Alhamdolillah it took a long time but now she is happy.
You are lucky sis. You have MIL to help you and no gali 24/7.
Allah will help you Insha Allah. Don't wory time will fly. I'll also pray for you.
Keep your confidence in Allah to help you and he sure will Insha Allah.
That is so very wrong sis. If you do without any restriction and lots of love to his parents he will definitely do the same. Yeah it may take time but you know Allah give reward to purkhuloos work. You sure will gain.
You are talking childish that way.
So, me saying there is nothing wrong with taking care of his parents is childish?
I said: "nothing wrong with taking care of inlaws...he will take care of my parents too" because Im someone's child too. My parents need their children just as much as his will. I realize you're a man and thats why you say this, because you're looking for a woman who will slave away in front of your parents and ask for nothing in return.
I have no problem taking care of my inlaws...all I ask is that my parents be shown the same respect because they deserve it.
Kisi maan ya baap ka darja kam nahin hota hai agar unke ghar mein beti ho to.
I was watching Aalim Online one day and the Islamic expert said that a wife is not required to take care of her husband's family (in-laws) nor is she required to do the housework. She doesn't even have to give milk to her child as she can get a wet nurse for that. BUT a wife does all these things because it is socially expected of her and she does it out of the goodness of her heart. Since Islam doesn't make it obligatory for her.
and then she comes to GS and post thread after thread how this is not her duty :)
Islamically she is not required to take care of In laws but if she does that of course that will go extra mile. Sometimes we try to "over compensate" women. Its almost her duty to take care of household just like its duty of men to earn money for it.
how many of you live with you inlaws? Or plan to (under one roof) or plan to have them move in with you after you are married?
I've always lived with and around my in laws. Only 2 years (I've been married almost 13 yrs.) ago we moved away from them due to my husband's new job, but eventually, his mom will come back to stay with us, insha'Allah.
Something to think over is that God/Allah gave us free will - we are free to act as nicely or as meanly as we want to. So perhaps the rules about caring for family members - be they younger or older - are not included because it kind of goes without saying yeah?
In Pak, there is no "social security" income, there is very little estate planning as in IRA funds etc. Elders expect that they will live with and be taken care of by their sons. So this needs to be taken into consideration at rishta-time.
In USA and probably in all other western countries, people have planned their retirement from early ages so as not to "impose" on their kids. I've been going bonkers trying to get my mom to live with me since she became widowed but she absolutely refuses - she has a great income and a place of her own and wouldnt dream of "imposing" to that degree. And even thoughI try to talk her into living with me, I know that I'd never do that to my kids.
Its all a matter of free will, perspective (culturally speaking), and the needs/desires of the elder. But anyone, family or NOT!!! who needs a home and a hot meal and good down-home care...never would I turn them away.
In Pak, there is no "social security" income, there is very little estate planning as in IRA funds etc. Elders expect that they will live with and be taken care of by their sons. So this needs to be taken into consideration at rishta-time.
Its all a matter of free will, perspective (culturally speaking), and the needs/desires of the elder. But anyone, family or NOT!!! who needs a home and a hot meal and good down-home care...never would I turn them away.
Absolutely! My grandparents from both sides lived with my family when I was younger during various times. I think that the backlash against living with parents comes from the treatment that many women receive from their in-laws. I am not in favor of the institutionalization of the joint family, instead I prefer the arab model of living in ones own home until the parents are in need of care, and not living with brothers, sisters, etc. It can encourage freeloading among the younger siblings. An ideal joint family system is one in which EVERY member of the family is contributing. When I lived with my in-laws I did the bulk of the housework, and I was helped only by my devranis and the servants. My MIL was the "supervisor" and my nands did nothing because they were "studying".
