Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

The way i see it.... an adult "child" is responsible for taking care of their elderly parents. When that child gets married it is the responsibility of both the husband and wife to take care of both set of parents.

When the couple has mutual love and respect for each other.....you naturally love what they love (ie their parents).....therefore you would want to take care of them out of love and not out of obligation.

The way you take care of them varies from person to person of course.

as far as siblings are concerned....if they are unmarried and living under their parents roof then there is no obligation for a woman to take care of them UNLESS the parents can not do so for some reason.

Timepass - November 2012
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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

if u hav reasonable in-laws with some issues u can adjust with that too but if u hv politically corrupted,cunning n mean in laws u end up in misery no matter how hard u try to please n in the long run ur partner also overlook ur efforts coz if his parents r not happy how could he be?

Timepass - November 2012
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My husband knows that Islamically I don't have duties towards my inlaws and he respects that in the sense that he would not force me to do something for them. But at the same time, it's so obvious to me how much his parents and younger brothers mean to him and rightly so. I remember the first time I cooked for his family and how he was over the moon. I'll do the smallest thing for his family like making chai for his dad or sending a gift and my husband doesn't stop thanking me for days. I can never think of abandoning or not being kind to his parents- his mother gave him birth, both his parents made alot of sacrifices for him which I am aware of, till this day they pamper him and give him what he wants, and above all, he's religious, welleducated, loving, respectful and what not and the major reason for that is his parents' upbringing. They have instilled in him the right values, given him the best education possible and kept a certain environment at home which helped him become who he is today.
I think that just alone for raising such a wonderful person who means everything to me, I feel so much respect and love for his parents in my heart and I would do anything for them. The other reason is that they don't have a daughter and ever since my wedding, they have treated me like one and even though they cannot take place of my own parents, it's still true that they give me alot of love. The least I can do in return is to treat them how I would treat my own parents and try to be a part of their family instead of acting like an outsider.
My mil and I share very similar qualities but we don't always agree on everything but that doesn't mean I start detesting her and think she's evil or out to get me. She does so much for me which shows how much she cares so if once in a while there's something I may not like about her, it doesn't mean I can't look past it. I strongly believe that your family comes before anyone else and they are my family now. And inshallah when we have kids, I would want them to grow up having that love from their grandparents and not have to deal with stupid dramas that occurs in the families. And inshallah if I have a daughter, I would want to set an example for her so she gives the same respect to her husband's family.

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:k:
The wife whos husband is happy with her goes to Jannah so feminists or not, you’re right on.

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:k:

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Paki bhai no one get mad here at anyone Masha Allah. Discussion main garma garmi chalti hai per narazgi naheen Masha Allah that is what I noticed.

Zabardast question. Some ppl don't know that Religiously ladies are not bound to take care of In laws. That is good if the are not good for them then she can move. Other wise some ppl make hell for the ladies when living with in laws.

Exactly.

Agree.

Oh my God I saw they even after doing all the khidmat want' to bur alive. It happened to my sister. We had strong position as she kid do that but her saas Allah maaf karay daily use to say to her son burn her alive by putting her on her jahaiz bed.

My sister use to do all the work for them and they still want to burn her alive on her bed.

You don't have to listen to your parents guys if they say something wrong about your wife just ignore and better tell them what's your wife's rights are.

Sahi na jub seedhay haath say ghee na niklay to to ungli terhi karni parti hai na.

Koi larki itni budtameez naheen hoti kay wo In Laws ki khidmat na karna chahaay siway chund aik kay jo is tarha ki naheen hoti hon gi. Ub agar khidmat karnay kay baad bhi us ka jeena haram kar dia jaay to kon karay gi ya karna chahay gi.

Jub tuk majboor na ho budtameezi koi insaan bardasht naheen kar sakta.

Agar husbands insaaf karain family aur wife main aur kisi ko kisi kay saath budtamizi na karnay dain to masla hi koi na banay laikin masla to husband kay sulook ki wajah say bunta hai khuwah jis taraf say bhi to zulm honay deta hai.

Husband ka kaam hai balance aur insaaf karna. Ziadti karwanay walay husband ko Allah kay yahan hisaab dena ho ga.

Timepass - November 2012
27

I was watching Aalim Online one day and the Islamic expert said that a wife is not required to take care of her husband's family (in-laws) nor is she required to do the housework. She doesn't even have to give milk to her child as she can get a wet nurse for that. BUT a wife does all these things because it is socially expected of her and she does it out of the goodness of her heart. Since Islam doesn't make it obligatory for her.

For in-laws that abuse a woman and play manipulative games with her.....they should be reminded of this Islamic perspective, which would bring about some defensiveness from the former party. (And before I get accused of sterotyping/generalizing) yes, I do know that some times the wife (daughter-in-law) can be the one causing trouble. BUT if a wife is a good person and doing beyond her duty and taking care of the in-laws well and making the effort to connect with them.....then her efforts should be appreciated.

Divorce is frowned up in Islam and although it is allowed, it should be used as a last resort when everything else has been tried. I've even heard that Islamically, if a wife is being abused by the in-laws, then the husband is obligated to arrange for separate living accomodations for her if that should help alleviate the tensions. I have a friend who is married to a very religious guy. Both the couple is religious. And the my friend was being ill-treated by her mother-in-law. Actually the mother-in-law's sister would try to turn her against my friend and this reflected in her treatment of my friend. My friend put up with it and it stressed her out. She is the most homely person you'd know. She's sooooooo into doing housework, very down to earth girl...who hates conflict. So she quietly put with it. But her husband could see it was taking a toll on her and even told her that it's my islamic duty to arrange for separate living if my mom is hurting you. But she kept quiet. Finally it got to the point, where her husband could see that mom's not shaping up. So he moved out with his wife. And that was a happy time for the both of them. Then mommy missed her son, and moved right back in. Only this time, she's more careful about how she treats her daughter-in-law.

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that all is only true if the family can afford help.

I mean what kind of moron of a woman would not feed her kid or do her housework if they dont have enough money to hire a maid or a wetnurse.

husband- why is junior crying, have you fed him
wife- no, i am not required to do so
husband- but he needs to be fed
wife- get me a wet nurse
huband- where will I find a wet nurse, anyways we cant afford it
wife- that is your problem not mine, islamically I dont have to do anything

munna dies :(

Timepass - November 2012
29

Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

^Thank you God for making Mothers soooooooooooooooooo loving towards their children. Otherwise, yeah, I can imagine a lady saying this to her husband. :D

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so on one hand islam talks about hygiene being very important and on the other hand it is saying at one of the people in the marriage really is not obligated to do anything.

this does not add up, and i think is something that is not being stated properly. It is joint responsibility of husband and wife.

I think the saying is more so guys dont expect their wives to do all the work...on the other hand i dont think islam wants some contruction worker mazdoor to come home after 12 hours of backbreaking work, clean the house, cook meals and feed his wife.

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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

[QUOTE]
nor is she required to do the housework. .
[/QUOTE]

this cannot be taken at its face value .. there are many other things that need to be factored into this, a woman has a right to say no to any work that is unfairly dumped on her but at the same time its her responsibilty as a spouse to keep the home environment happy and healthy and she can be questioned for that.

Best is when both husband and wife understand their rights and duties and work as a team to make their home a better place to live. If that means husband taking care of Wife's parents and wife taking care of husbands parents .. so be it

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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

Nothing wrong with taking care of inlaws...he will take care of my parents too.

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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

Its mind boggling to find people doing everything possible for a friend or some stranger, but when it comes down to doing something for the inlaws, Islam is brought in..

Leaving Islam aside, as a human being, wouldnt you feel obligated to look after an elderly? where we can leave our seat for an elderly in a train or bus, why do we feel anger when making a cup of tea for the inlaws?

Ive always been taught (way before there was any sign of marriage) that i should respect my parents-in-law more than i respect my own parents.. give them more love than i could give my own..

if we expect our husbands to be kind to our family, why not respect his family the same way?

and people shouldnt do this so they get a place in Jannat or whatever.. its something we should do without thinking too much about

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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

i'm pretty sure its a wives job to look after kids n husband so if she doesn't feed the kids n never do any housework wat is she supposed to do then?I know she don't hav to breastfeed if she doesn't want to n in old days babies used to have Nannies eg Dayi Haleema who breastfed Muhammad SAW but now a days there r ther options like formula n pumps.so she could hav no excuse.
rest islam never puts u in trouble these rules apply only if u r sick or unble then a guy shouldn't force hard n arrange for help if in his power.otherwise there's example of Hazrat Fatima that she cried to Prophet SAW to give her a servant(He was distributing slaves from war to needy ppl) as her hands got blister due to all the housework.Still the Prophet SAW reminded her of the rewards she'll get n gave the gift of Tasbeehat-e-Fatima.
And i totally agree with wat gr8heera said that if in-laws r abusive,too pushing,complain even when u think u r doing all in ur power n the husband threats u or abuse u to serve his parents every girl would hate that. and thts where islam comes in to girl's rescueb but if they keep their expectations low,treat u well n appreciate the lil favours u do u'll love to help out more and b more sensitive to their needs.thats human physco.n as the saying goes"love begets love n hate begets hate"

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Really Islamically its not? im always told by my mom when i get married its my FAARZ(duty) to take care of them no matter what

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Completely agree.

In Islam, if your wife is NOT used to doing housework or if she's used to having a maid do things for her, the husband is asked to provide one for her IF he can financially afford to. However, I think it's unfair for a wife to start demanding such things just for the sake of claiming her rights in Islam.

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Re: Is wife liable to taking care of her in-laws?

ok heres my situation, iv been married alhamdulilah for 6 months now. i started helping out with the housework right from the beginning its what we've been taught.

my mother in law does everything in the house & from the impression i've got she wants me to be just like her..which isnt a bad thing as shes really lovely mashallah...

I have 2 sister in laws 1 is 22 and the other is going to be 17 soon.. they both are really nice but the problem is they do nothing in the house! i come back from work & go straight to the kitchen with my mil & i make the atta, salan, wash up make them all tea while they watch t.v, even after dinner they go off to their rooms and im left to wash up. i feel really bad for feeling annoyed but its not like their kids. my mil makes them breakfast and brings it in on a tray while they watch t.v- i found it sooo wierd in the beginning because at my mums we all did everything ourselves. i mean they never iron their clothes- mil does that, so when shes doing it i feel bad and take over but now its starting to get to me.. my mil never tells them to do nething, instead does it herself so i obviously get up to help her

ok sorry for ranting but i dont no why its bothering me so much! i dont even mind doing housework, its just the attitude that i find really wrong

rant over

Timepass - November 2012
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That is so very wrong sis. If you do without any restriction and lots of love to his parents he will definitely do the same. Yeah it may take time but you know Allah give reward to purkhuloos work. You sure will gain.

You are talking childish that way.

Exactly gr8 lady with gr8 thinking.

Thanks for Hadees.

Thanks for understanding. Sure sis Allah don't leave ppl who love his ppl.

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LOL Story bananay main apnay bhai lugtay ho. lol

That is the Allah's trick he gave lots of love in mother's heart for his kid.

Mean ladies can do the same what secnario X2 bhai is showing.

4 letter word game
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What if someone of that kind exist and someone got that.

Timepass - November 2012