Is this some form of bullying at work?

[wannabe_a_mum]

Ok, I am really upset
To the extent that I could easily sit here at my desk and cry my eyes out

There is this girl in our team (we’re a team of 9, split into 2 sub teams of 4 plus the manager), she’s in the other sub team to me, and all of a sudden she’s started this vendetta against my sub team, and me in particular.
It’s been like this for just over a week now, and it’s really affecting me.

We don’t know what triggered this, but I’ve a fair idea it’s to do with the fact that she made some errors on a really important spreadsheet for a project I was managing, and when she noticed the errors on the resulting letters she queries it with me - by shouting over at me!
I pointed out that I could only work with the data that I was provided with and she came and stood over me, was all funny with me, and just left me to pick up the mess.

One of my colleagues noticed it too - this was last Friday, and now it’s like school in our team. She’s like the ringleader of the other sub team and they keep sniggering and looking over and whispering etc. It’s so childish for 20 somethings!
Her Team Leader apologies to me as she wa told about the incident where she shoulted at me and the TL has spoken to her about her attitude.
I think this has fuelled the fire more and now it’s making working life for me intolerable.

I don’t know what her problem is with me, but for example yesterday the others in my sub team were in a meeting and one ladt was off, and I was sat here alone and they were blatantly making it obvious that they were talking about me and this ringleader was making horrible comments about stuff on the shared network drive (basically I work from home in the evenings and weekends and update stuff to make sure that info/processes/policy etc are most upto date) knowing full well that the information she needed was only obtainable from me.

This is a high profile professional company and we don’t need people like this rocking the boat.

Her TL said that her attitude stinks, I’ll agree with that, but how can she treat me like rubbish??

Like today, everyone else in the team is either in a meeting or off, and there’s 3 of the other sub team and me, and I am the most senior for experience etc so they are to report to me, but they’re just acting like 14 year olds.

I’ve told my TL that if it doesn’t stop I will raise a grievance, but obviously I don’t want our team to have this hanging over us…

What do I do?
I just wanted to rant really, so you don’t have to reply…

I just needed a friend…

[S02]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

That is incredibly frustrating. These sorts of people don’t last long anywhere. Stay patient and don’t lower yourself to her level.

[wannabe_a_mum]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

@Sahar02

That is incredibly frustrating. These sorts of people don’t last long anywhere. Stay patient and don’t lower yourself to her level.

Yes, it is frustrating…

She’s totally making me feel isolated, and I don’t know what to do. She’s being so petty…

To be perfectly honest I feel like walking out, which really shows how serious it is as I love my job and get on with anyone and everyone

[sweefs]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

I agree with Sahar

[Chameli420]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

I so understand you!!!
Oh God. I just has such a situation an hour ago at work. This man started yelling at me in a meeting. He was in fact not even called in for the meeting but he just walked in and hijacked the whole agenda. When I told him that we had to stick to our agenda he started speaking very loud to me.

He and his boss have misbehaved with me several times now. I have been reporting his boss many times but this guy’s behaviour just chocked me. How can ppl behave like that.

I feel like walking away and never come back

[arshad5]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

This lady obviously wants to get to you. I think you should just ignore her and act as if everything is fine. You don't want to give this lady the satisfaction. Soon it may stop if she knows she cannot get to you, or keep a little log and make a complaint if it still continues after a while.

[wannabe_a_mum]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

My TL just told me that when I was in a meeting this morning, the Mgr spoke to them all and one of the team apparently ran off crying (this particular girl is actually usually quite close friends with me) so obviously now they know that the mgr is involved......

The mgr's due back at 2pm and she want's to talk with me.

I just told my TL that i will not be coming in on Monday and Tuesday as it's affecting my health - I'm having anxiety and panic attacks.

[arshad5]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

Hopefully the issue will be resolved soon!

[Mirch]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

If TL is just giving you lip service instead of counseling her then Talk to HR, period. It has gone too far and it is time to take action now. You do not want to get hypertension , do you ?

[Mirch]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

My TL just told me that when I was in a meeting this morning, the Mgr spoke to them all and one of the team apparently ran off crying (this particular girl is actually usually quite close friends with me) so obviously now they know that the mgr is involved......

The mgr's due back at 2pm and she want's to talk with me.

I just told my TL that i will not be coming in on Monday and Tuesday as it's affecting my health - I'm having anxiety and panic attacks.

So things look to be moving in the right direction . So stay put for now and ignore my last post. If no improvement still then it will be time to take action I described in my previous post.

[DaffyDuck]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

My TL just told me that when I was in a meeting this morning, the Mgr spoke to them all and one of the team apparently ran off crying (this particular girl is actually usually quite close friends with me) so obviously now they know that the mgr is involved.......

@wanna_be a mum

Ive also been through a similar situation. But for my better luck, that girl i had issues with had already had issues with a lot many other people in our team, so everyone is well aware of her nature.

In my case, i directly reported it to my TL, updated him on my situation. When things got a bit out of hand i also informed the manager. I told my manager what all she had said and how unprofessional and unethical it was. He was very understanding but then th girl also talked to the manager and convinced him onto believing her. At this time, i made a point not to talk bad about her with anyone else but noticed every move of hers. I noticed that she said quite a lot of bad stuff out loud to another colleague. This was a turning point. I got after this factor and continuously updated my manager. In the end the team realized that the issue has always been with her.

Anyway, my point is that keep your manager updated. Do not talk bad about her with any fellow colleague and do not misbehave with her openly. With time people will realize that you are not what she tries to portray u as. As for the present situation, just update your TL and your manager, Insha Allah all will be well. :)

[wannabe_a_mum]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

Mgr just sat with me and after apologising for this girls behaviour, said that she will not have ANYONE talking to me like that and creating this atmosphere in the team

She wants me and this girl to sit with her and talk it through as I am concerned about the effect it's having on the team as a whole.

Insha allah I will have the strength to do this - I don't like confrontation

[Mirch]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

Insha allah I will have the strength to do this - I don't like confrontation

For your consolation you are not confronting her. She is confronting you. Your manager will be there to steer the whole thing so relax.
Sometimes you have to face your worst fears and have no way out of it. It is one of those situations.

[wannabe_a_mum]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

For your consolation you are not confronting her. She is confronting you. Your manager will be there to steer the whole thing so relax. Sometimes you have to face your worst fears and have no way out of it. It is one of those situations.

This is what I really don't like.........

[_Namkeen]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

i’ve been there too, and i can understand how bad it can get.. pls watch ur back at work, such ppl are not beyond sabotaging ur work. i don’t mean to make u more nervous, but better safe than sorry.. stay strong, stay calm.. ur strength will unnerve the enemy. let them know you’re angry and upset, but don’t show them ur weakness - that it’s affecting you with panic attacks and such.. build your case against her quietly without letting anyone know, because once the matter is escalated to HR you will need it to back u up. save every nasty email, make a log of things she has said or done to bully you in the presence of others, etc.

in a similar situation, someone i know went up to her manager and said she is quitting and the reason is the behaviour she’s subjected to. they asked her to stay, but it was just lip service, so she quit. she’s much happier at a diff job now.

i didn’t have that option in my situation, so i had to put up with crap, keep my anger under control. the offender was given a talking-to by the manager, so she stopped the obvious harrassment, but it still continued in a not-so-obvious manner. i however maintained a professional attitude throughout.. after abt 6 months, she stopped harrassing me… and began speaking to me in a very formal manner. and unbelievably, after two years, when i left the company she actually sent me a goodbye card with a letter of apology for her behaviour 2 yrs ago. i was long past that… but imagine, she’d been living with the guilt for two years… victory was sweet, i tell ya.

the quality of ur work speaks for you, so just pay attention to it and ignore others. stay calm and professional at all times, insha’Allah things will get better for you soon

[Chameli420]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

I so understand you!!! Oh God. I just has such a situation an hour ago at work. This man started yelling at me in a meeting. He was in fact not even called in for the meeting but he just walked in and hijacked the whole agenda. When I told him that we had to stick to our agenda he started speaking very loud to me.

He and his boss have misbehaved with me several times now. I have been reporting his boss many times but this guy’s behaviour just chocked me. How can ppl behave like that.

I feel like walking away and never come back

I went to this guy and spoke to him in private. he is such a jerk!

[Mirch]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

This is what I really don't like.........

Agree , I do not like it either but I have learned to live with it. I refused a very good management job long time ago just because I wanted to stary away from the office politics.
So naive of me. You cannot avoid confrontation and politics in office , small or big. Even if you own your own business and people working for you in that case too you will have to face confrontations and politics.

[mama_ki_dua]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

I think she might have an insecurity about something that's why she's being funny with you.

[aali.m]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

thats so stupid that girl thinks shes still at skool, anywho i think u shud actually get sum witnesses together for when or if u do complain against her and make sure u have sufficent evidence, i think u shud go ahead and do it other wise its just going to keep on happeninig

[Sunset_Eyes]

Re: Is this some form of bullying at work?

Maybe she is just jealous of you. Most people are like that. I will give you a perfect example.

I was in the banking industry and i had just joined a new bank. I was only 23yrs old that time and there was another pakistani girl whom i got on with really well and she is 19yrs old. She had been there for serveral years.

It had only been a month since i had started and one evening we had to attend a meeting which involved colleagues from other branches. The meeting ended and we went home. It was winter time and when i got home, i realised whilst taking my coat and scarf off that i had 7-8 slashes in my scarf. I was confused at first then slowly it occured to me that it must have happened at work and on that evening and i did notice the pak girl disappearing for a while during the meeting. I got along with everyone really well and it was place i had ever started working at. Anyway, i bought it to the manager's attention and he bought it to the staff's attention the next morning - he even questioned everyone individually and obviously no one owed up. I on the other hand didnt even raise my suspicions - tut!

Anyway, 4-5 months later, i applied at another bank in London and had an interview. Now coming from a conservative family, my father wouldnt have let me travel alone so i confided in this pak girl that if any member of the family calls and asks for me, let them know that i will call them back. As soon as i got to London, at the station, i had a call from my father asking where the hell i was. I knew that it had to be the pak girl. I came back and went to the bank to collect a few things - im just so naive and sometimes so thick that i went to the pak girl and told her what happened. She had an evil look on her face yet sympathised - i just couldnt believe what was happening!

Another month later, i had taken a day off to go for a shopping spree with my sis. I had a call from my bro asking me that he got a call from my manager asking me to come to work as something had happened and they couldnt sort it out and i was the only one. I called work and asked to speak to the line manager and my senior manager and no one had called me. They also said that they had been in a meeting at that time and had no reason to call me and if there had been a problem, they can sort it out themselves. (sigh)

Well i guess that was the final straw. I confronted my very senior manager and handed my resignation notice. They offered me a placement at another branch but i declined knowing that she could come over there too. It was my fav work but i couldnt do it any longer for the sake my family as she had access to my bank and personal details. In the end, my perception, my family's view and even my manager;s view was that she was very jealous of me and had wanted me out from there hence all that krap she was putting me through! I lost she won!!