Re: Is this Rude...
I know some relationships are just not worth it. But I think one should try in all honesty, which unfortunalty is often lacking among us desis. We just want everything to be served in a silver platter.
You cant just complain about the other non-stop without having made an effort yourself. So it always starts as a two-way street.
Re: Is this Rude...
All mothers are caring and protective about their own children... Are they not ?I know my mum is... She would go to any length to make me happy.... I for sure dont have such expectation at all from my mother in law nor do I think my mother will ever treat my bhabi in future the same way she treats me....Why do we expect we will get the same royal treatment from our in laws that we get from our parents? Wake up Nadzy....Being a mother you should understand that you will always want the best your OWN children and care for them more than anyone else
Re: Is this Rude...
No, I don't think that's really rude and neither do I think you should see it in the pessimistic way that you do. Treat your SIL like a friend, and just ask her for the sake of your MIL. It's not really such a big deal. Pinkkk's story really got to me, though. That's too much. :/
Re: Is this Rude...
nadz sis, i m also in a same situation....aap ki to aik nand ati hai to yeh haal hai yahan do do ati hein aik job karti hai aur us ki aik saal ki beti mujhe hi sunbhalni parti hai even jab saas pak gayi thin for 2 months tab bhi zoh meray pass chor jati thi
aur job se woh seedha yahin ati hai beti ko lenai aur kha pi k aur ha;ein taqreeban sula k jati hai ufff
aur dosri ka hal bhi aisa hi hai---din min aik ki beti ki baby sitting hoti hai aur raat mein dosri k ----k us k do bachay hein aur woh sunbhal nai sakti so aik ko yahan chor jati hai k khud khuch relax ho sakay
aisay lag raha hai kisi jahanum mein reh rahi hn oper se hubby g hein jinhon ne kabhi seedhay mon baat nai ki
lekin phr bhi mon se aik harf nai nikal saktay aur guzar rahay hein zindagi k din chahay jaisay bhi!
Beyti ka samalne ka tankha liya karo
Re: Is this Rude…
The point is she comes over 4 times a week I think.
Re: Is this Rude...
My experience in Pakistani culture is ... If you behave with courtesy towards others, they behave with increasing authority over you ... It is almost as if they expect to be treated harshly in order to give respect ... Treat them nice and you get pressed more ... Because they think must mein servant milgai hai ... Milk it ... Probably there is seem merit in helping out once ina while, but then while she is there she should ask for help from her nund also ...
Re: Is this Rude...
I completely understand where Nadz is coming from, just bcoz she is a DIL does not make her an automatic slave, cmon she's human too! She needs some peace, love and "me" time.
It appears to me her in laws should be more considerate of Nadz needs and this kind of behaviour is prevalent in Paki mentality
Re: Is this Rude...
not even a real issue. i would change the original storyline to include some more masala. like, SIL comes home drunk and beats your hubby up. then MIL makes her pakoray using the oil you were gonna rub into your kaalay ghanay lambay baal.
Re: Is this Rude…
i dont kno why people put all the burden on one person only…whether its bahu or mil
i know so many cases…its too hard to be a cool minded,jolly,cheerful person n enjoying ur life to the fullest in such case where u HAVE TO(n there is no other way) do whatever people say…
but just this thinking will keep us going that someday we’ll get the reward for these khidmats…:halo:
Re: Is this Rude...
Rude, I can't really call it that. Facepalm inducing, yes.
I think it's rude not to ask your Sil if she wants to eat or drink... I also go 3 times a week to my parents place... My Sil never ever ask if I would like to drink something. She doesn't even talk to us (me and my two sister) properly.... But if she comes to our place we do a lot of ghather daari... If my mom goes to Pk I never go over there... Being friendly to guest won't hurt you.... I think it's all about having manners how to treat guests....
And I only go for about one or two hours... Whenever I'm there it's like I'm not welcome..... Unfortunally I can't be like my Sil.....I can't help it that I try to make her comfortable whenever she is at my place
Re: Is this Rude...
tell her u r busy on GS
Re: Is this Rude...
ufffff, its not like I NEVER ask sil anything to eat drink/jeeez man it was one day, JUST ONE DAY, not even worth thinking about, and yes i wouldve asked, but the phone rang and it was for me. and in that 25 mins i was talking to my family back home in uk, mil decided to start cooking all sorts of stuff for sil and then when i went into kitchen and asked who it was for, she went on about how i needto ask sil more and kiss her aas.....
reason it annoys me is cos my own mother would expect me to get up myself and make my own food if i ever went to my mums, because its MY HOUSE. NOT A FLAMING MEHMAAN.
make up ur mind ppl, ur a mehmaan when it suits u, and a gharwali when it suits u.
Re: Is this Rude...
My experience in Pakistani culture is ... If you behave with courtesy towards others, they behave with increasing authority over you ... It is almost as if they expect to be treated harshly in order to give respect ... Treat them nice and you get pressed more ... Because they think must mein servant milgai hai ... Milk it ... Probably there is seem merit in helping out once ina while, but then while she is there she should ask for help from her nund also ...
yeh cheez.
Re: Is this Rude...
It's true she's not a flipping mehman. Get over it MIL! Just ask her cuppa? I don't get why you have to kiss ass and do so much for someone who's literally part of the household !
Re: Is this Rude...
^she no live in UK unfortunatily...... so different traditions in in-laws house........... she should move back to UK ASAP....to solve prablmz
Re: Is this Rude...
you can't have it both ways......either its SiL's home and she can sit on her behind 4 nights a week and have you wait on her hand and foot or this is your home now and you can make her feel like a mehman by asking her if she wants to eat/drink anything.....
I would recommend that you take ownership.......not only will this help you to fulfill your social obligation towards a visitor in your home but it will make it increasingly obvious that she is taking advantage of your hospitality.
Re: Is this Rude...
@Psyah...I don't think it's confined to a particular culture. I think it's just human nature that we may take advantage of someone who frequently does favors for us and doesn't set boundaries.
It can even be argued that showing kindness can encourage the same in others. Of course within moderation.
I don't know how bad the situation is, Nadz. But I don't think it's a big deal to show courtesy to your SIL at times...in the same way that you may help out or do a kind gesture for a member of your immediate family. And if you feel that you ARE being taken advantage of.......then maybe you can set some boundaries in a friendly way. For example if your SIL needs/wants something.......you can tell her that you have to feed/bathe/tend to the kids and then kindly direct her....as in tell her that what she needs can be found in the fridge, cupboard, etc. This lets her know that you're a mom with two kids and that you have other responsibilities as well. Or in a friendly way tell her, "This is and always will be your home. Don't hesitate to go into the kitchen and get whatever it is that you want." I'm not suggesting that you outright ignore her because you're likely to damage relationships that way....nor am I suggesting that you be a doormat. Stay in the middle ground....be gracious/courteous at times....and at other times tend to your own needs. Also, Aminas made a good point about adjusting level of expectations. If it was just one day that your MIL got upset at you about this and if it's usually not a problem...let it go.
Re: Is this Rude...
Y all mil are like tht y y y ? It has become universal dillemmaa:-(