is this normal?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

This guy
-does not like to go out for dinner to places where they serve either alcohol or haram food… Even if he has the possibility to just order something veggie…
-seems quite anti-indians which a lot of pakistani’s can be but which im totally not.
-he likes to stay in and doesnt see much point in certain activities, such as bowling or d cinema..

he allways says that ur opinion and he respects mine… but doesnt thsi mean we wont be able to do some things together??
he seems very nice and gentle, but these three things ive mentioned im worried that i might be taking them too light and not serious and will end up getting annoyed…

2

Re: is this normal?

what a bore bag, drop him like a bad habit.

3

Re: is this normal?

all those three things seem minor to me as long as he is not forcing his opinion on you.

however such things can turn into bitter things and fights. eg....

someone invites you for a dinner at a restaurant where alcohol/haram food is served (a lot of desi rest serve alcohol in uk) and refuses to go. such restaurants arenot a prob as long as you arenot having alcohol and those non-halal food but everyone has their own preferences.

you have indian friends and he refuses to meet them and shows dislikeness infront of them.

bowling and cinema are minor things.

i'll say give him such examples and see what he says.

4

Re: is this normal?

Leave him already

5

Re: is this normal?

ok please dont be sarcastic guys. its not funny.

blessed:

ur right, these are minor things, but lately im just thinking maybe i havent been paying attention..
he does not force his opinion on me though.

But if he says i dotn want to go there n there, which means we cant do stuff together...
and limited restaurants serve only halal :s!
and he probabaly never wnats to go to india, he does communicate with indians n its not that he cant have indian friends...

the india thing was kindof a big dicussion!he doesnt even buy stuff which is made there, atleast he rather not do that...

he says he has his reasons coz of personal exp but he hasnt told me what, this is next to what we all already know abt pak-india relation...

isnt this over the top?!

he is not my boyfriend, i just know him and we're gettign to know eachother...

6

Re: is this normal?

apnay pak main kuch rest hain jo privately alcholo baichtey hain...from that point he wont be able to dine in a rest in pakistan.

i am not saying that he is worng. he has his own views according to which he is right. but then as you said you want to do stuff together and then when he is gonna back out or refuse then it will turn into unpleasant situations.

as for the india thing...well i'll say try to talk to him and ask what his reasons are...maybe his looking for someone who can listen to him and support him on what ever the matter is.

this is over the top if i look from your angle since you want to do things together.

i'll say meet him and say all these concerns you have in detail (ask him so if i wanna go with you somewhere to a place i like wont you go just for my sake or say someone invites us at a non-halal rest won you for my sake) and see what his response is.

has he showed any of kind of attitude like "THIS IS ME you wanna adjust good other wise bye bye"

one final thing i would say is that do not take decisions about him in haste. just give it sometime. because supposedly you both get married and khudanakhwasta things turn out bad then he will probably have a very good reason that "you knew before marraige how i was so you have to adjust"...not trying create any negative vibes but just trying to say that do see the future aspects of it. good luck.

7

Re: is this normal?

He's a mommy's boy. I say spend some more time getting to know him and within a month's time you'll be running in the opposite direction.

8

Re: is this normal?

Would he have issues with you doing stuff with friends alone, without him? If not, then keep getting to know him better....nothing wrong with ti.

If you can imagine a married life where you aren't joined at the hip and always doing stuff together, then go ahead....as long as he's true to his word and won't "force" his opinion on you.....he could have some other ideal qualities...

If do you marry him, that aspect will be hard to get used to. You might resent him for not liking teh same things, you'll get annoyed with and eventually avoid those who constantly question why he's not with you.....but eventually you'll get over it. (if you're lucky, he'll come around to the way you do things...but more likely, you'll adapt to him and his habits)

But you know, if you really have your heart set on having someone to do stuff with, and have outside interests with and share likes/dislikes....then he may not be the right one for you. You have no commitment to him and if you think it's not going to work out.....then nothign wrong with moving on and finding someone else that you may be compatible wtih.

9

Re: is this normal?

I say leave him but thats just me.

10

Re: is this normal?

It might get worse if you guys do end up being together, like not being able to do certain things and at that point, obviously one person is going to have to compromise and having to compromise on such trivial things (not eating at places that serve haram food? Um) is just a hassle and a half. However, I don’t buy thinks Made in India either nor do I watch B-wood moves. If I know there is a Made in Pakistan version (atta, and rice for example) I will obviously buy the Pakistan one, even if it costs more. This doesn’t mean I am anti-Indian but you essentially support the Pakistani economy by buying Pakistani. :k:

11

Re: is this normal?

none of the things you described are serious enough to dump that guy.

12

Re: is this normal?

i think i have to meet him first....

thanx!

13

Re: is this normal?

How do you figure this???

14

Re: is this normal?

If you haven't met the guy yet then I think you should do that before jumping to conclusions.

With the exception of the second point, on paper, my brother sounds the same. The first, because of religious reasons he doesn't feel comfortable in those places and also the way we have grown up has made us all prefer home cooked food to eating out anyway.

Same goes for 'activities' such as bowling or cinema, we NEVER did these growing up. We do occasionally now but not as often as is usual for most people. So yah, my brother stays at home mostly unless he's doing something useful... so he is out (more than he's at home) but mainly for intellectual pursuits. We disagree on this point because I think there's nothing wrong with a little bit of chilling out but he's very geared towards using every minute doing something useful. That's not to say he doesn't do stuff but it would be paintballing, not bowling, for example. He loves travelling but again, he turns his nose up at most destinations, preferring places off the beaten track that are probably on the list the embassy advises not travelling to.

So I think you just need to find out more about the guy, you will either find his life is too quiet for you or his pursuits are too different.

15

Re: is this normal?

Agreed, he's a racist and a bore. Leave him.

16

Re: is this normal?

He sounds just like me, the only difference is that I have changed a lot in past 8 years. I guess he has come from Pakistan recently, just carry on making him try different things, he will change.

17

Re: is this normal?

The first 2 points shouldn't be an issue at all. The last point makes him sound boring though.

18

Re: is this normal?

Thankx for ur reply stoppit! i really do think i have to meet him before anything...
So far im quite liking him, maybe thats y i wasnt paying attention to the points i mentioned.

@ mama ki dua: he isnt a momma's boy at all, actually he has almost never spoken of his mom so far. If he talks abt fam members, he talks abt his dad and siblings also..

@ hareem: he's not from pakistan.

he is not conservative as far as i can judge, but has his own priciples which he keeps saying. He is allways fine with diasagreeing, i dont have to have the same opinion....

And the second point is not a big surprise, but its a real hatred i think... which comes across as narrow minded...

19

Re: is this normal?

i just dont know how stubborn he is and if he is open to new idea's....

y do these guys allways have to have an issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last guy i spoke to like 3 times, already started acting like we were sure to get married! and he called me even if i told him i wont be home or im bsy and he kept talking... incredibly annoying! I told him i didnt like his jokes abt us married and stopped d contact.

And this guy is really sweet! but has the issues i mentioned :s pfffffffffff!

20

Re: is this normal?

^You'll always find guys with something annoying or something abnormal. This world is just not perfect but sometimes you do know when you find the right person. The guy mentioned above is just not the right guy for you may be that's why you are giving it second thoughts.