Is this Normal?

[neha]

Re: Is this Normal?

@UZ

Neha google it Domestic violence. And my cousin had the same case she got engaged and guy was control freak it made her life hell until she was out of it. One more thing people kill and then say sorry its not right.

ok i will..

@TLK

and there is your answer. If he apologized for his behavior then he knows his right from his wrong, only that ** he is little reactive in nature, and that should not be the reason for you to finish this rishta**.

people around me say he would stop apologizing after marriage..he gets emotional over small things and starts saying rude words which are difficult to forget..and this was the second time he said something bad abt my family..

@P_G

neha …app pehlay khud ka bataain …kia app ki neture aysee hay k …in batoon per tahammul say kam ley or bad main dil say is ko bhool jaain jub agla muafee mang lay ..

aysay couples main ik fareeq ka bohaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat bara dil ho.. tabhe gaaree chaltee hai

shaadi k baad yeh cheezain or zyada feel hoteen hain ..kay shytaan uncle bhi poore terah active hotay hain husband wife k larayee main

well i seriously dunno if i can bear that or not..at times i do listen whatever he says while sometimes i get angry/sad over his rude behavior…plus i know one partner has to be patient but i dunno if this is normal or he has some problem..

@n7111

Run away before it’s too late!!!

not that easy…

@TLK

PG, shadi ke baad husband ko apnay susral ko smajhnay ka aur moqa milta hai.** Abhi neha ke mangetar ghalat fehmi kaa shikaar ho jaatai hain lekin shadi ke baad imkaan hai ke aisa nahi hogaa**.

actually in my case,i will have to live with my in-laws(without my husband) for sometime after rukhsati before i get the visa..i fear ye misunderstandings baar baar na hoti rahain..

@Niksik

If the anger is on the same kind of issues [your family related] then I have 2 questions:

1. Are you parents perhap stepping over their boundaries repeatedly that he is getting ticked off but instead of handling it with grace, he gets upset?
2. If no to the above, then issues like this can aggravate into bigger issues such as: I don’t want you meeting your parents too much or I don’t want them visiting us…etc.

You need to find out if he has anger control problems or if it’s a particular problem that triggers that anger.

Also, TLK, if someone puts himself in a situation where every 3-4 months he is apologizing, be it with the most sincerity, then he obviously lacks respect for the other person’s feelings and cannot control himself. Apology is no justification for consistent repetition of the same mistake. It becomes a habit.

my family had quite a decent talk over dinner with his parents but my MIL deliberately miscommunicated everything to my fiance,he got angry and started yelling at me..

@Decent_6Chora

Yes this is NORMAL with lose temper people. Biggest thing is that he realize it and apologizes later on. Not many people have courage to say sorry. It should be YOUR decision if you can take this every 3-4 months or not. He may need anger management classes but thats should not be a reason to break the rishta.

does it get better with time?

@NomiCA

if the person is good for 3-4 months…how can you negate all that goodness for a single quarterly event..for which he apologised too??

normally i dun make issues out of small things and i try to forget as i know itz important if i want to have a successful relation,but this time it was about my family and i cant erase all that out of my mind at once…

@Maham

**After reading about the scenario and knowing neha is still not wanting to let go, it only makes me wonder if its really as bad as maybe how it is worded?!. **

Neha, you are the best judge here. You know what you can handle and you should have a good talk with him on this subject and let him know your apprehensions.

just bcoz my post isn’t of 2000 words and 10 long paragraphs, the situation seems less miserable i know..plus y dun u people understand letting go is not the solution to every problem:smack:..

@Mirch

Very wise advise. Also get him enrolled in anger management classes.

unfortunately i can’t tell my fiance that he needs those classes..

@Puchi_Kuchi

Not normal. He’s either insecure or very jelous and generally not content with his own life.