okay so I find this to be a little weird. Is your fiance, who you don’t really know too well at all suppose to show you attitude? I mean his family is really nice and stuff and everythign seems fine..except him. :S .
here’s a scenerio
His family is kind of religious, and I thnk that they wouldn’t relly appreciate us meeting up and stuff. but he wants us to meet, and when I tell him no, very nicely, he gets this kind of an attitude. And I am sick of being nice and ignoring that attitude.
Anywayz i know for a fact i wud neva respect a guy who wud ask me 2 do something which i dun want 2...which is not necessairly rite...which our families r not gonna like...etc...so if i were in yr place i wud tell him for the last time neva to talk abt meeting again or he wl have 2 answer his parents abt his wishes-lol.
^ yeah u should really not beat around the bush and tell him straight up that you'd go out with him as long as your families approve of it. and u never know what might happen next.. if u meet up w/ him and his family finds out.. they could totally hold YOU the scapegoat for luring their son into private meetings before marriage and what not...
By attitude I mean, he stops talking and when he does talk..there's a lot of sarcasm involved....
bhenjee:
yeah I did tell him that, straight up....and explained how I think it's wrong...but this is what I got .
:S
Sameerdada: yes, I am well aware of the fact that it's the 21st century but theres some people that like to hold on to their values, his parents and I maybe one of those people.
I think his "attitude" is because he's annoyed. He's apparently a guy who wants to get to know his wife-to-be a bit before taking the final step. I can't say I blame him. Really, even if his "values" are different from yours in that area, he will be your husband and you should respect his values without being confrontational about it. Perhaps have a family meeting about it and get it out in the open that the guy wants to meet with you more and that you will comply with whatever the families decide. I have a feeling that they'd likely allow it, even if its just allowing the two of you to visit in one room with family in the room next door! You have to start thinking about taking his side a bit - you'll be spending the rest of your life with him yeah? Dont let it start on a bad note by not trying to bend a little bit even before the wedding!
i agree wid MAMAof3 ....and i know how u feel too but think of it being in his position maybe he wants to know ya better maybe he isnt into arranged marriages .....i think u should meet him atleast once i dun think thts even prohibited in islam ...u hafto do things to make a relationship work thts how he will do things u want to do too.....in return..
Thats a good point hitchki....but then again, he was trying to establish his own relationship with the gal he intends to marry and she's siding with his conservative parents. The guy has no recourse now without some cooperation from her. Once they're married, things would be different but for now, he just has to take it since she's not cooperating in any way. Its probably frustrating for him.
I would say that that is a warning sign for things to come if he doesnt get his way!!..I would suggest u ask him why he wants to meet u..Is it becuz he wants to try to better understand u, or it it something else.Make a fair judgement as to why u r declining too..and his asking....Do have a clear view of wat actually entails a marraige..Thi ngs r not always Balck or white...there is a Lot of Grey area that one has to navigate thru...Think before u leap...!!!:)
mamaof3.. i agree with u totally!! ur pov's also true, perhaps the guy realllly wants to get to know u better and eventually you have to start choosing him over anyone else and standing for him and siding with him, now that he'd soon be ur husband! i guess you wouldn't feel great if he doesnt side w/ u after ure married and chooses to believe his parents instead!
but yeah, id definitely involve his family and remind the guy that the ONLY reason ure backing off from these meetings is b/c the adults dont approve of it as of now.. goodluck!
I think his "attitude" is because he's annoyed. He's apparently a guy who wants to get to know his wife-to-be a bit before taking the final step. I can't say I blame him. Really, even if his "values" are different from yours in that area, he will be your husband and you should respect his values without being confrontational about it. Perhaps have a family meeting about it and get it out in the open that the guy wants to meet with you more and that you will comply with whatever the families decide. I have a feeling that they'd likely allow it, even if its just allowing the two of you to visit in one room with family in the room next door! You have to start thinking about taking his side a bit - you'll be spending the rest of your life with him yeah? Dont let it start on a bad note by not trying to bend a little bit even before the wedding!
Srry i don't agree! The bigger issue here is not that she doesnt want to meet but that he wont respect her feelings on an issue that is apparently very important to her! Maybe she's "unbending" before marriage, but he's equally to blame, by being a jackass if he doesnt get his way. The way I c it, the more he'd be cool with it, maybe then she'd gradually relent and agree to see him..... but the way he does it: "see me" "no" "you suck" that aint gonna work..
Thats a good point hitchki....but then again, he was trying to establish his own relationship with the gal he intends to marry and she's siding with his conservative parents. The guy has no recourse now without some cooperation from her. Once they're married, things would be different but for now, he just has to take it since she's not cooperating in any way. Its probably frustrating for him.
Well.... technically tehy have no relationship..their relationship won't begin until they're married. I know it suonds crazy but it's true. THe engagement period is VERY fragile.... the slightest thing between the families and it can break. If she meets him w/o letting any of them know, HIS family might take it the wrong way and blame her, fight wiht her family, and there ya go the engagement is off.....
But whatever his feelings/ideas/thoughts are, he has absolutely no right to be mean and sarcastic towards her. If he were really so "liberal" as opposed to "conservative", he'd respect her feelings and just wait , instead of being a jerk..
I dont know....I really feel for the guy. He probably truly is alot more liberal and while he's doing what his parents want him to do, he also has his own interests here, that being the simple desire to know who and what he's marrying. His intended is fighting against that and so are his parents so the poor guy is in a lose-lose situation here. It would be a little different if it were all brought into the open, both families decide that ok, they can meet under SOME supervision a couple of times before marriage. Then SHE can be happy that she's complied with her values and so can he - AND the family is happy too. But right now, he doesnt know what he's in for and he's quite rightly scared.
Yes, I quite agree, and I really dont understand some of the responses here from the gals who are coming down on this guy....are you gals married? Probably not. At least this guy is being honest. I mean, he COULD just smile and say yeah ok honey. Then put a completely different face on once the marriage is done. You never know you know? I mean when you marry a stranger you're taking a huge gamble on the rest of your life. Thats what is bothering this guy and yes I know thats a western way of thinking, I'm western myself so thats why I'm kind of defending him. I understand what he's going thru, it seems he wants to please his parents but also wants to know his intended and that he'd be able to have a happy life with her. The gals who are coming down on him - I'd like to ask you, are you going to "meet" your husband AFTER you marry him (by that I mean TALK with him)? What if your goals, desires, wants, needs etc are polar? What if he has a TRUE personality that you cannot stand? Formal parent shaadi type meetings are fine but do you really think that you see the REAL and true person? And is spending the rest of your life with someone you never really met a gamble you're willing to take?
