---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

[tweety_pie]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

mayb he's scared that she mighht be having an affair

[amana]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

Isn't that just a wee bit irrational?

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

I think you guys are just jumping to conclusions....

give him the benefit of the doubt before making assumptions about him. we dont know what their history with each other is like...perhaps SHE did something wrong in the past that made him this way....we just dont know...

like i said before...he might just want her home to tend to the kids. (although thats not right either but better then the alternative theories)

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@amana

Alternatively, he may be extremely uncomfortable watching the kids, or feel that it is not his responsibility. In that case, his wife should remind him politely that if they are your offspring, it's not babysitting, and send one along on his next boy's day out.

sure, but that does not answer these parts

he makes so many calls to her while she is out for like an hour or he forces by using mind games

and for some reason she doesnt pick the phones...he is makes a big deal and not talk to her for days(his punishment)

[Ask99]

Re: —Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Submission_To_Peace

There should be more communication and understanding among the two in terms of learning each other’s “desires” and “intentions” otherwise the marriage might end up in a disaster. (Allah forbid)
Most of the problems are solved when atleast one of them starts thinking of “what I can give to/ sacrifice for my spouse in terms of making her/his life comfortable (but remaining within my beliefs) instead of expecting anything in return for my personal comfort.”

Talking or trying to communicate has not worked as of now, when it is tried , the reaction is out right denial that this is not what he does…she is mistaken.

The solution however is I guess really doable…I think that should help…but it 's just I mean trying for how long.

@AnGeL_EyEs

it could just be that he doesnt want to take care of the kids…some men are just not good at it or simply dont have the patience for it.

Yes! but they are his kids too..what about spending some one on one time with them, they are not very little and do not require like for him to change diapers or anything:)

@Fraudz

ask99

the guy is possessive, has trust issues and most of all has a low self esteem and inferiority complex which are at the root of all this.

time does not matter, until he is able to deal with his own insecurities nothing will change much, his insecurities may find a different avenue later.

This may be true but what is she to do…it has to come from within,…I mean a person cant change what he/she doesn’t acknowledge. Its usually complete denial..and for her it is just better to like keep the peace at home and not repeat…but as of now it feeds his habit. Its just she has to constantly prove to him …constant proof and then the guilt trips. Lesser of the evil is usally just stop going or whatever.

@amana

^Absolutely. He certainly has issues that need to be dealt with. Does he tell the child that he sends along to “keep an eye” on his/her mother?

My BIL does this to his wife. He and my MIL ask his son for a full report of what his mother was doing, who she was talking to, and what she discussed. This behavior is just another form of controlling abuse.

Alternatively, he may be extremely uncomfortable watching the kids, or feel that it is not his responsibility. In that case, his wife should remind him politely that if they are your offspring, it’s not babysitting, and send one along on his next boy’s day out.

I agree…I understand as she says that he asks the kids what they did too but at the same time when they ask the same thing from him like where did you go etc, its only one word..“out”..He even makes them call their mom when she is out and they ask the questions like mommy when r u coming etc. It is just frustrating .anyway I really think that kids should not have to bear the responsibilty of all this …they dont need to know whtat is happenening with their parents as it really affects them.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@AnGeL_EyEs

I think you guys are just jumping to conclusions....

its an honest assessment based on wat is posted/

@AnGeL_EyEs

give him the benefit of the doubt before making assumptions about him. we dont know what their history with each other is like...perhaps SHE did something wrong in the past that made him this way....we just dont know...

even if she did something in the past that made him this way, it is not right. on one hand you are against ppl jumping to conclusions, on the other hand youa re using assumptions to give him a free pass

@AnGeL_EyEs

like i said before...he might just want her home to tend to the kids. (although thats not right either but better then the alternative theories)

its not a point of which theory is better, but what is happening. I have twins and when begum is out for a girls night out or just shopping or whatever, if she is out too long I will ring her up too to see when she will be coming, but there are no guilt trips, or silent treatment involved.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Ask99

Yes! but they are his kids too..what about spending some one on one time with them, they are not very little and do not require like for him to change diapers or anything:)

agreed...i nvr said it was right for him to do that

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Ask99

This may be true but what is she to do...it has to come from within,...I mean a person cant change what he/she doesn't acknowledge. Its usually complete denial..and for her it is just better to like keep the peace at home and not repeat...but as of now it feeds his habit. Its just she has to constantly prove to him ...constant proof and then the guilt trips. Lesser of the evil is usally just stop going or whatever.

confront the issue, confront him without being too confrontational. he needs to know that this is an issue and be asked to explain himself, and if his explanations are wrong or lame then that needs to be communicated as well. Its his response that is going to determine where his head is and what he is willing to do.

the question is what to do if he does not want to change? does she still do things to please him or does she ignore his demands.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Fraudz

even if she did something in the past that made him this way, it is not right. on one hand you are against ppl jumping to conclusions, on the other hand youa re using assumptions to give him a free pass

if you noticed at the end of my statement i said "we just dont know" it was only and example i was giving and not an assumption.

@Fraudz

its not a point of which theory is better, but what is happening. I have twins and when begum is out for a girls night out or just shopping or whatever, if she is out too long I will ring her up too to see when she will be coming, but there are no guilt trips, or silent treatment involved.

I agree it is wrong what he is doing (ie calling her up constantly, sending the kid(s) with her everytime, giving her guilt trips about it) BUT to assume that he is cheating or has insecurity issues is not right in my opinion there could be some underlying reason for his behavior....we dont know the entire story and we all know there is always 2 sides to every story. I suppose everyone can analyze it differently....Im just one to give people the benefit of the doubt.

anyway....best thing to do....is 2 communicate. If her friend doesnt like what's going on...then say something about it.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Fraudz

confront the issue, confront him without being too confrontational. he needs to know that this is an issue and be asked to explain himself, and if his explanations are wrong or lame then that needs to be communicated as well. Its his response that is going to determine where his head is and what he is willing to do.

the question is what to do if he does not want to change? does she still do things to please him or does she ignore his demands.

exactly!

[Ask99]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

...

[Ask99]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Fraudz

confront the issue, confront him without being too confrontational. he needs to know that this is an issue and be asked to explain himself, and if his explanations are wrong or lame then that needs to be communicated as well. Its his response that is going to determine where his head is and what he is willing to do.

the question is what to do if he does not want to change? does she still do things to please him or does she ignore his demands.

It has been confronted in the past and usually its denial on his part or they other reaction is complete opposite of the prior behaviour.

As of now he doesnt want to change and she doesnt too..they live sort of on the brink already its always till the next.I know they are burning daylight with this approach but as humans with time things like these start looking like the NORM. What do you mean by"the question is what to do if he does not want to change? does she still do things to please him or does she ignore his demands"..are you saying like generally or to this situation.

[Ask99]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

...

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@AnGeL_EyEs

if you noticed at the end of my statement i said "we just dont know" it was only and example i was giving and not an assumption.

I agree it is wrong what he is doing (ie calling her up constantly, sending the kid(s) with her everytime, giving her guilt trips about it) BUT to assume that he is cheating or has insecurity issues is not right in my opinion there could be some underlying reason for his behavior....we dont know the entire story and we all know there is always 2 sides to every story. I suppose everyone can analyze it differently....Im just one to give people the benefit of the doubt.

anyway....best thing to do....is 2 communicate. If her friend doesnt like what's going on...then say something about it.

I never insinuated that he is cheating, if someone else did, i must have missed it.
his behavior is still that of someone who is possessive, insecure and/or obsessive compulsive..

even if there is some background here, which we are told there is not, it is not something that you would expect a balanced grown man to do.

I mean unless she has cheated on him in past and he does not trust her now but does not want to end the relationship because of kids, then I can see what he may be up against but that is not something that has been mentioned as a fact

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Ask99

What do you mean by"the question is what to do if he does not want to change? does she still do things to please him or does she ignore his demands"..are you saying like generally or to this situation.

someone very near and dear to be once had an ignoramus husband, a conrol freak, a possessive, king of the castle idiot. first she was scared, then she felt trapped, then she confronted, then nothing changed and she decided if he can not change his habits then he has to live with them, she stopped acting in the manner that he expected her to, i.e. taking the kids, telling him where she was at all times,

I mean what was he going to do that he was not already doing? hit her? and end up in jail? call it quits on the marriage?

In the end the guy was a typical coward that such guys are and got in line.

Mind it she did nto do anything wrong, she was never rude, but she did not humour his insecurities, if he was giving a lecture she would ignore it, if he was getting on her case she would walk away. yeah he was teh type of guy who would walk behind her bytching throughthe house.

he is still not the type of guy I would marry my daughter to I suppose but he has grown up.

sadly I see too many desi guys who just have no idea how it is to be an equal partner in marriage.

[flyinkiwi]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@Fraudz

someone very near and dear to be once had an ignoramus husband, a conrol freak, a possessive, king of the castle idiot. first she was scared, then she felt trapped, then she confronted, then nothing changed and she decided if he can not change his habits then he has to live with them, she stopped acting in the manner that he expected her to, i.e. taking the kids, telling him where she was at all times,

I mean what was he going to do that he was not already doing? hit her? and end up in jail? call it quits on the marriage?

In the end the guy was a typical coward that such guys are and got in line.

Mind it she did nto do anything wrong, she was never rude, but she did not humour his insecurities, if he was giving a lecture she would ignore it, if he was getting on her case she would walk a way. yeah he was teh type of guy who would walk behind her bytching throughthe house.

he is still not the type of guy I would marry my daughter to I suppose but he has grown up.

sadly I see too many desi guys who just have no idea how it is to be an equal partner in marriage.

You seem to know too much about desi guys Fraud saab. Scaryyyyy it sounds.

This dude might be genuinely worried about his wife, what is wrong with that? Issue i have noticed with desi men is that they don't know how to express themselves well which creates miscomms which offcourse leaks to other desis who just love gossip for the hell of it.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@flyinkiwi

You seem to know too much about desi guys Fraud saab. Scaryyyyy it sounds.

unfotunately I know women who are married to complete jackasses, some were smart and string enough to leave their sorry asses and find themselves better guys, others were strong enough to stuff some sense in these guys heads, and then there are some who have put up with igonrant fools all their lives.

and sadly some of my friends/former friends turned out to be not so great husbands, some matured and sorted their lives out, others did not.

@flyinkiwi

This dude might be genuinely worried about his wife, what is wrong with that?

A worried guy does not give grief to his wife if she did not answer the phone, he does not give her a silent treatment.

if you read what ask99 has written about this friend of hers it further goes to show that its not a situation where the guyis doing it because he is genuinely concerned...

@flyinkiwi

Issue i have noticed with desi men is that they don't know how to express themselves

haha to quote something I just read...

@flyinkiwi

You seem to know too much about desi guys

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

@flyinkiwi

This dude might be genuinely worried about his wife, what is wrong with that? Issue i have noticed with desi men is that they don't know how to express themselves well which creates miscomms which offcourse leaks to other desis who just love gossip for the hell of it.

a man that is genuinely worried about his wife...would call once..maybe twice and would do it w/out giving the "guilt trip"....and why would he send his kid with her....is he/she gonna be a bodyguard or something? there is more 2 it..something that we dont know and perhaps the poster doesnt know either.

[hitchki]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

you should make a laugh out of it, turn this drama into a comedy and really truely send the kids everywhere with him, call him all the time. Be like omgomgjaan i was soooooooooooo worried, uve been out the house 5 mins and i can see u but i cant hear you. Stuff like that. or funnier stuff like insisting that the ENTIRE family accompany him on his guys nights out HAHAHA funny.
cause "hum sai sanam kya parda *wink" and also, cause you allllllllllll miss him soooooooooo much. then report back.

[hitchki]

Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

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