---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

Lifestyle Relationships
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I have a question regardng what is being tooo clingy ..I mean I know this couple and the wife says that whenever she has to go somewhere, the husband has too send one of their two kids along with her.Usually that is fine and she doesnt mind that…but apart from that if there is a situation where she has to go alone somewhere, he either keeps on calling asking her to come sooner then soon, and major guilt trip when she comes back. Is this all very normal in a relationship.What is going on as it really makes her feel bad, but there is practicality involved that sometimes it is just so much easier to run errands without having to haul 2 kids everywhere.Furthermore he gets to go/do his weekly recreational stuff without all this.Ofcourse she gives im guilt trip in retaliation too..but anyway what do you think and any solutions:)

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

we wont lik to discuss som1's personal life issues ... :)

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

YES we do:)...and we will right here...freedom of speech buddy

The Random Thread
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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

[quote]
I have a question regardng what is being tooo clingy ..I mean I know this couple and the wife says that whenever she has to go somewhere, the husband has too send one of their two kids along with her.Usually that is fine and she doesnt mind that...but apart from that if there is a situation where she has to go alone somewhere, he either keeps on calling asking her to come sooner then soon, and major guilt trip when she comes back. Is this all very normal in a relationship
[/quote]

In Islam when a woman goes out, she should have either of the following mehrams with her; Father, brother, husband, son. (For her protection). If non of them available, than she should return as soon as possible.

[quote]
What is going on as it really makes her feel bad, but there is practicality involved that sometimes it is just so much easier to run errands without having to haul 2 kids everywhere.
[/quote]

Would you like to elaborate (Sorry, my english is not very good)

[quote]

Furthermore he gets to go/do his weekly recreational stuff without all this.Ofcourse she gives im guilt trip in retaliation too..

[/quote]

Couldn't get it. What do you mean by "recreational stuff" and what kind of retaliation ?

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Re: —Is this how Husbands usually behave?

ASK …be precise, clear and to the point :hehe:

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

I understand that you meant that someone has to be with her but if there is noone like that then she returns home quickly:)

The thing is that having to take two kids everywhere adds to the amount of time and the effort to take care of you know menial stuff like grocery shopping and shopping etc, not to mention extra stress.
By recreational stuff I meant that he takes time off for his own hobbies like playing sports with friends etc weekly , it just seems unfair ..so that is why it effects their relationship too. I mean what is wrong with the man, he makes so many calls to her while she is out for like an hour or he forces by using mind games , for her to take one kid along while he doesnt usually does the same thing.
Its always like keeping a tab.

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

so wht is the point ... :)

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

Guys are usually possessive and insecure! I thought the mehram is needed anly if she is travelling beyond a certain distance...she wouldn't need a mehram to go to the supermarket, right???

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

right ...for wivies ....beter be on safe side :p

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

Possessive and insecure...
even after like 10 yrs of marraige..

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Re: —Is this how Husbands usually behave?

ASK …he lobes her thts y really worried abt all these issues …:chai:

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

come on decent_felow..if he loves her, he'll be concerned about her happiness, not her security in a supermarket!!!!!!!!! what if the wife starts showing her love by sending her kids with him to the club or to his guys day out?????

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

Its just the situation gets unresolved since he wont tell her that too...u know him being concerned or what ever..or even insecure or possessive...its just adding to an already very weak marraige...Are there any recommendtions in trying to alleviate the problem.The wife is always in that mode o f trying to prove to him that she is on her way or not taking extra time then required etc.and for some reason she doesnt pick the phones...he is makes a big deal and not talk to her for days(his punishment)..its just really stressful over time and after some time its like not even worth to go at all.

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

I think they should just sit and talk about the whole thing...marriage is a lot of compromises..on both sides. If they talk things out and know what each of them feel about a particular situation and they can come to solution where both of them are happy..or at least none of them are hurt. they should also be able to work on the trust factor...I don't believe any relationship can work without trust..trust that he/she is not doing anything wrong, and trust that he/she is mature enough to handle certain situations alone. Everybody needs a little space in any relationship. They are grown ups and they've got kids..imagine what the kids must be going through with all the tensions around!! Ask them to at least try and make things work for the sake of the kids.

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

There should be more communication and understanding among the two in terms of learning each other's "desires" and "intentions" otherwise the marriage might end up in a disaster. (Allah forbid)

Most of the problems are solved when atleast one of them starts thinking of "what I can give to/ sacrifice for my spouse in terms of making her/his life comfortable (but remaining within my beliefs) instead of expecting anything in return for my personal comfort."

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

My husband checks in if we are apart (whether or not I am alone). But there is never a guilt-trip or any of that weirdness.

Ugh.

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

it could just be that he doesnt want to take care of the kids....some men are just not good at it or simply dont have the patience for it.

Urdu Word Game
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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

ask99

the guy is possessive, has trust issues and most of all has a low self esteem and inferiority complex which are at the root of all this.

time does not matter, until he is able to deal with his own insecurities nothing will change much, his insecurities may find a different avenue later.

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

^Absolutely. He certainly has issues that need to be dealt with. Does he tell the child that he sends along to "keep an eye" on his/her mother?

My BIL does this to his wife. He and my MIL ask his son for a full report of what his mother was doing, who she was talking to, and what she discussed. This behavior is just another form of controlling abuse.

Alternatively, he may be extremely uncomfortable watching the kids, or feel that it is not his responsibility. In that case, his wife should remind him politely that if they are your offspring, it's not babysitting, and send one along on his next boy's day out.

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Re: ---Is this how Husbands usually behave?

With the little info, does sound like one of the issues with "man dominated society"