So I should tell you I live in Michigan where pretty much 50 pakistani families reside at most so to hear something like this makes me think if this is common elsewhere also.. A girl (18) got married to her cousin in end of December and her mom kept insisting for her to have a baby right away. She got pregnant in feburary. The reason behind this was that “men respect their wives more once they become mothers”. How true is this because I know this is not the first time I have heard this..
In my case I got pregnant a week after my ruksati so i didn’t get to experience this.. infact when i told my mom she almost fell off the bed.. and I was in denial for almost first trimester until I saw the ultrasound
Errr, that is just sad if you need to get pregnant to get your significant other's respect. It should BE there in the beginning and yes, they should end up respecting you a lot more afterwards.
Errr, that is just sad if you need to get pregnant to get your significant other's respect. It should BE there in the beginning and yes, they should end up respecting you a lot more afterwards.
Yep.
It should go
Respect (at time of marriage) more than for any other woman out there (in his age range) --> a lot more respect (after pregnancy)
instead of
little respect (at time of marriage) --> ok now you have to get pregnant, otherwise, he's going to go off and have affairs cuz he really doesn't like you since you're his momma's choice and not his.
It's also said that men are more likely to stray from their wives during the seventh month of pregnancy......and that some men have a hard time transitioning into parenthood and the changes that it brings in the couple's relationship.
Also, most women (regardless of parents' most ardent wishes to have grandchildren as soon as possible) don't pop out babies on demand. You'll have babies when you're meant to have them (sometimes it's sooner than you personally would like....sometimes it's much later than what you envisioned.....other times the timing couldn't be more perfect).
IMO it's better to get to know your spouse....build a strong relationship....before getting pregnant. Some of my cousins in Pak became preggers soon after the wedding. And others had children 1-2 years after marriage...some longer than that. Everyone's kismat is different.
So I should tell you I live in Michigan where pretty much 50 pakistani families reside at most so to hear something like this makes me think if this is common elsewhere also.. A girl (18) got married to her cousin in end of December and her mom kept insisting for her to have a baby right away. She got pregnant in feburary. The reason behind this was that "men respect their wives more once they become mothers". How true is this because I know this is not the first time I have heard this..
In my case I got pregnant a week after my ruksati so i didn't get to experience this.. infact when i told my mom she almost fell off the bed.. and I was in denial for almost first trimester until I saw the ultrasound :)
quiet common, .. but i personally thought being a guy - this is just wrong. AS RV said, it's a big issue for most of the guys to transit into parenthood mode.
I should say give it some time,.. at least 2/3 years to settled down and finish one "things to do before having children" ..
It's very common amongst the Pakistani community. My bestbud got married last summer and is now saying she is suffering from stress and depression due to the fact she hasn't concieved yet.
We've been married for four years-and I'm now mashallah pregnant with our first baby. It didn't put a strain on my relationship and I'm sure my husband respected me even before concieving. I suppose it's up to the individual and their circumstances.
Well in my opinion and from what I've seen, usually it's the guys family that's pushing for her to get pregnant so they can have a grandchild. I remember my aunt telling my cousin (her daughter) to get pregnant and hopefully have a baby boy so that she could be treated a lot better than the other bahu. Now that's just sad. And I mean I've also seen girls get pregnant like a month after they get married and they're usually very young but they seem to be handling it pretty well. Also, I guess the guys do respect girls more once they become mothers but honestly speaking that's really not fair. The husband should respect his wife once she becomes his wife because she's deciding to spend his life with him, to be by his side, to respect and love him. I personally would never have a baby right after I get married because I want to spend some time with my husband, maybe have a baby about 2-3 years after.
Just yesterday me and my friend were discussing how lame this concept is. A husband and wife should love and respect each other .. does not matter they have a kid or not. What if the girl is unable to have concieve.. period. Will she lose respect and love.. errr..
I hate this concept.. bacha jaldi paida karo so that your husband loves you more and your marriage is stronger. Stupidness.
Are we talking about love for kids.. ours or others.. or talking about relationship as a husband and wife?
Its not off topic. I was just trying to relate it to "nature". Its NATURAL that you feel more for someone (be it husband, wife, kid or xyz) once you are through that experience. If we go by your logic, word appreciation will be wiped out of dictionary.
Men realize and acknowledge the fact of what women has to go through and that just increases the love for women. Isn't this natural?
In normal circumstances (where the guy already loves and respects her for being his wife), it is natural and normal.
But in teh situation that PCG outlined, where a guy doesnt like his wife, or doesn't respect and love her very much.....and the girl gets pregnant to "phasaa" him, thats really unfortunate and not right at all.
In normal circumstances (where the guy already loves and respects her for being his wife), it is natural and normal.
But in teh situation that PCG outlined, where a guy doesnt like his wife, or doesn't respect and love her very much.....and the girl gets pregnant to "phasaa" him, thats really unfortunate and not right at all.
off course its not right. I was just replying to original post considering normal circumstances.
Either we accept it or not, husband-wife bond/relationship get strengthen or weakened with time depending on events or life moments as they call it.
Call it being an ABCD but I have never agreed with that idea that a newlywed marriage should have kids right away to "solidify" the relationship. While I understand that reason (that in normal circumstances, a man who loves hiw wife will love her more after she has a child), getting pregnant so soon without even knowing if your relationship is a "normaL" one or not....it seems like such a gigantic risk.
