accidentally or with the hopes that it might hurt someone and look accidental?
Theres always the chance that you'll get hit when he throws things, but how would you determine whether it was accidental or whether he intended physical injury? Wouldn't you have some idea based on your past experiences with him?
If you feel that despite efforts to fix the relationship, things are only getting worse and the marriage is dysfunctional beyond repair....then leave. Persistent emotional abuse should be grounds enough; one need not "look" for physical abuse or depend upon it to end a marriage. Whether you choose to remain with him or leave him .....there will be risks and consequences either way.....even more so if children are involved. So, weigh the pros and cons...maybe take a break from him and decide what you want to do. As for your doubts about physical abuse when he throws things....you can try telling him that when he throws things, there's always the chance that something can hit you.....and that if he STILL decides to take that risk in the future, you'll just interpret that as his deliberate disregard for your safety and thus see it as physical abuse. See how he responds to that.
that's interesting- what makes you think there is emotional abuse?
this. i don't want to classify it as abuse, but it's hard to tell. i would think no matter what a man would never lay an angry finger on his wife. that's why i am confused.
accidentally or with the hopes that it might hurt someone and look accidental?
don't know if you're just saying this generally, but he put his hands on me first- he was trying to move me out of the way to throw my stuff- then i tried to restrain him
These comments actually say it all. You are trying very hard to put him away as an abuser.
Theres always the chance that you'll get hit when he throws things, but how would you determine whether it was accidental or whether he intended physical injury? Wouldn't you have some idea based on your past experiences with him?
If you feel that despite efforts to fix the relationship, things are only getting worse and the marriage is dysfunctional beyond repair....then leave. Persistent emotional abuse should be grounds enough; one need not "look" for physical abuse or depend upon it to end a marriage. Whether you choose to remain with him or leave him .....there will be risks and consequences either way.....even more so if children are involved. So, weigh the pros and cons...maybe take a break from him and decide what you want to do. As for your doubts about physical abuse when he throws things....you can try telling him that when he throws things, there's always the chance that something can hit you.....and that if he STILL decides to take that risk in the future, you'll just interpret that as his deliberate disregard for your safety and thus see it as physical abuse. See how he responds to that.
that's a good idea.
we're in a break now and i'm thinking about what i want to do- this was one of the factors i wanted to have clarified for myself
My husband and I got in a bad argument. I started to pack my stuff and he got angry and started to throw all my stuff from my closet while I was in front of it and was trying to forcefully move me out of the way so he could throw everything- I was yelling and trying push him away to stop him from taking my stuff and throwing it and he was trying to restrain me from pushing him (i.e. trying to push me out of his way also). In the process my hand got hurt. He has never hit me or hurt me aside from this. But he has a really really bad temper and throws things (not at me).
Does this case sound like abuse or not?
not being a licensed therapist (so this is my two cents), I think if you were packing as show, then he reacted like most hot tempered men do. However when you say he throws things, what exactly does he throw?
It isn't really physical abuse, but your husband is at fault here more so, sorry to say.
Why didn't he just let you pack your bags and go? Why does he feel the need to intervene in that? His intervention caused things to escalate. Sometimes couples just need to cool off, and packing up, and leaving for a few days could be a good idea.
You guys need therapy and he needs anger management for sure. It's not your fault that he got angry.
It isn't really physical abuse, but your husband is at fault here more so, sorry to say.
Why didn't he just let you pack your bags and go? Why does he feel the need to intervene in that? His intervention caused things to escalate. Sometimes couples just need to cool off, and packing up, and leaving for a few days could be a good idea.
You guys need therapy and** he needs anger management **for sure. It's not your fault that he got angry.
Just wanted to add, both of you need anger management, not just him. You acted in a very emotional and quiet angry way as well, and what he did was reactionary. Blame in this case goes both ways.
Just wanted to add, both of you need anger management, not just him. You acted in a very emotional and quiet angry way as well, and what he did was reactionary. Blame in this case goes both ways.
Can you highlight as to where she behaved angrily? She was packing her bags in order to get out of a volatile situation, she pushed him "away" because he was acting like an nut and throwing her belongings around. If someone was throwing my stuff around, I would try and prevent them.
Can you highlight as to where she behaved angrily? She was packing her bags in order to get out of a volatile situation, she pushed him "away" because he was acting like an nut and throwing her belongings around. If someone was throwing my stuff around, I would try and prevent them.
Just because she had a spat with him, doesnt mean that she has any real excuse to pack up her bags and make a big show of leaving. And thats what it all was IMO. A big show. She wanted to show to her husband that she`s as angry as him. No where did in her first post show that the argument was volatile. It was only after her actions that things took a turn for the worst. She could have acted in a much more mature, and dare I say, less Pakistani drama way, and just have left the room or the house, for a little while, so both of them could have had a chance to cool down. There was no need to act in such a manner.
Just because she had a spat with him, doesnt mean that she has any real excuse to pack up her bags and make a big show of leaving. And thats what it all was IMO. A big show. She wanted to show to her husband that she`s as angry as him. No where did in her first post show that the argument was volatile. It was only after her actions that things took a turn for the worst. She could have acted in a much more mature, and dare I say, less Pakistani drama way, and just have left the room or the house, for a little while, so both of them could have had a chance to cool down. There was no need to act in such a manner.
Honestly, I don't see any "big show" here. She wanted to put an end to the entire argument by removing herself from that particular environment. No harm done. It's probably one of the safer options in case the "bad fight" appears to have the potential of escalating to something more severe. An adult who throws objects is really just throwing a tantrum, but I've seen this eventually be redirected in the form of violence toward family members. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. Whether you leave the room or the house to either cool off and/or escape, that's not the point. The point is that your marriage needs an intervention. I hope your husband helped you out with your hurt/injured hand. All the best to you, pakitobe.
Honestly, I don't see any "big show" here. She wanted to put an end to the entire argument by removing herself from that particular environment. No harm done. It's probably one of the safer options in case the "bad fight" appears to have the potential of escalating to something more severe. An adult who throws objects is really just throwing a tantrum, but I've seen this eventually be redirected in the form of violence toward family members. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. Whether you leave the room or the house to either cool off and/or escape, that's not the point. The point is that your marriage needs an intervention. I hope your husband helped you out with your hurt/injured hand. All the best to you, pakitobe.
No harm in removing oneself from an argument, if that will help the situation. But getting up, taking a suitcase, and starting to "pack" it to go to the maika in my opinion, is not a mature behaviour. That is something dramatic. If OP wanted to leave, she could have left. All she needed was her car keys. Why do the whole packing suitcase thing? She got angry as well, and so did he. Baat khatam. They just opted to express it in different ways.
No harm in removing oneself from an argument, if that will help the situation. But getting up, taking a suitcase, and starting to "pack" it to go to the maika in my opinion, is not a mature behaviour. That is something dramatic. If OP wanted to leave, she could have left. All she needed was her car keys. Why do the whole packing suitcase thing? She got angry as well, and so did he. Baat khatam. They just opted to express it in different ways.
Well, perhaps she wanted to stay at her maika for a few days. It's the safest place in the world for her. I'd rather she stay there than some stupid motel/hotel or hang around outside. If it's late, she should have packed her stuff and left immediately for her maika. If she were my daughter, I'd take her back in a heartbeat, reason with her, perhaps act as an arbitrator between them if possible, and then see that my daughter gets back home safely when she's ready. We need to be there for our children, when clearly the environment has proven itself to be violent and completely unpredictable. I see more blame here put on the girl, than on the husband who decided to act like a nutcase. She simply packed a suitcase, and he acted like a mad man. We're not really focusing on the situation and where they should go from here. We're just focusing on what SHE potentially did wrong, given that she may have done what was best for her in her circumstances. It's completely counter productive.
Well, perhaps she wanted to stay at her maika for a few days. It's the safest place in the world for her. I'd rather she stay there than some stupid motel/hotel or hang around outside. If it's late, she should have packed her stuff and left immediately for her maika. If she were my daughter, I'd take her back in a heartbeat, reason with her, perhaps act as an arbitrator between them if possible, and then see that my daughter gets back home safely when she's ready. We need to be there for our children, when clearly the environment has proven itself to be violent and completely unpredictable. I see more blame here put on the girl, than on the husband who decided to act like a nutcase. She simply packed a suitcase, and he acted like a mad man. We're not really focusing on the situation and where they should go from here. We're just focusing on what SHE potentially did wrong, given that she may have done what was best for her in her circumstances. It's completely counter productive.
Once again, I am not saying that removing yourself from a volatile situation is a bad idea. And I am not saying that going to maika for a few days to cool off is a bad thing either. What I'm saying and what you aren't understanding, is that she did not need to make a big show in this situation. What she couldn't buy herself a new sleeping suit at her parents house? Or her parents wouldn't have bought her new toothbrush in this situation? I highly doubt that would ever happen. I am not completely blaming the girl. Far from it. I am saying that she is also to blame, lest she considers herself the innocent in this situation.
My husband and I got in a bad argument. I started to pack my stuff and he got angry and started to throw all my stuff from my closet while I was in front of it and was trying to forcefully move me out of the way so he could throw everything- I was yelling and trying push him away to stop him from taking my stuff and throwing it and he was trying to restrain me from pushing him (i.e. trying to push me out of his way also). In the process my hand got hurt. He has never hit me or hurt me aside from this. But he has a really really bad temper and throws things (not at me).
Does this case sound like abuse or not?
What you did was extremely dumb!!!!
Give the man little space. He is not your little brother you could go toe to toe with him till you win the fight!!
You cant!!!
The way you made him angry and then put your self in his way or try force him physically was extremely dumb!!! I wish I could emphasis more.
If you keep doing it sooner or later it wont be weather you or us think its an abuse, it WILL be abuse.
And it will be you who drive the situation there.
Mere fact that you were comfortable wrestling with him when he mad as hell, tell that he is not ABUSIVE at all.
It shows your level of comfort with him.
Now give the man some space. Before he gives you space...