Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Salam, I’d just like to start with a disclaimer: I am not a troll, I am a user using a different nickname to protect my “privacy.” If someone has a serious issue with me using another nick…well may God help you then. I know there are others here who can objectively judge a situation and actually provide decent advice…

now getting to the title, this is a situation that I feel is in varying shades of gray, it’s not exactly black and white.

By most standards, my husband is a good husband–he’s available for me all the time, he works and pays the bills, and we live by ourselves, not in a joint family. He doesnt’ stop me from meeting my friends or family and he never forced me to “serve” his family members, like I read about here and hear from my friends who are married…We’ve been married for 6 years and we have no kids.

What’s bothering me, that’s triggering this post is that he hits me…alot. now before you all jump at this…please continue reading! He smacks me on various body parts, there’s pinching, flicking, as well as tickling to get what he wants or just for hte hell of it…I know the last bit about the tickling sounds a little ridiculous but, well, there you go.

I can understand these things happening once in a while, but they happen on an almost daily basis and it really annoys me…on the surface, it hurts physically, but on a deeper level…it makes me feel that my “no” isn’t important..

We had an incident today and I screamed at him to stop. It made him pretty angry, and it led to a huge argument between us.
he said he does it out of playfulness and not anger
his issue was with my tone, that I screamed so loudly
and that its not like he uses wood or steel or anything solid to hit me with.

I responded that he does it all the time nad it really does hurt…even if it doesn’t leave bruises.
I have told him several times in plain English to stop doing it but he never took it seriously.

His responses were that I’m too “soft”, I should be tougher, I’m not bruised and if I push him enough he’ll show me real anger/hitting…and now that I’ve finally made myself clear, he’ll never touch me again. The reason I’m so worried? He follows through on what he says. He goes on extremes, either he has to be “free” to say and do whatever, or he’ll never do it again.

I said why do I have to bruise to show that it hurt? he believes that because I laugh when I’m being tickled it must be okay.

Now I feel pretty ridiculous about posting this because he never does hit me out of anger, but I’m really tired of the pinching, slaps, etc. More so i feel it just stems from deeper issues…that anything I say is not important and not taken seriously…becuase I"ve said many times that I don’t like it but he never listened..and when I finally made myself heard, he calls me a lunatic and that he’s sick and tired of me because I’m so crazy and scream like that.

Otherwise, I’ve looked up emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse…and even though it is physical with those little pinches and smacks…I don’t consider it to be physical abuse…I just don’t know what it is. Any tips, words of advice, is all welcome.

2

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

well thats normal unless it does not hurt, why dont you pinch him or smack him ?

3

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

It DOES hurt!

If I smack him once, he smacks me 3-4 times, and he hits back really hard..hes obv bigger than me and it hurts more....and he's better at blocking me from hitting, Im not.

4

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

I remember pinching a girl not too hard and but later realised she got bruises cos she is soft.
I recommend you get a spanking machine. :P

He said he wont do it again and liek you said he sticks to his words well i think this is the time to help him remove his bad habits.

5

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

just tell him to be gentle towards you and in moderation.
sweet talk him and get your way
manipulative yes but thats how women do it =p

6

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Your husband seems to have mind of a little boy who needs to grow.

And if it hurts, its abuse.

7

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Try strategic kicking. That way he wont be able to smack you 3-4 times.....well at least not right away.

Tell him you were only playing. Then manaaaao him with tickling.

Or mimic his behavior.....but at the most imoppurtune times. Like tickle him silly when he is on the phone with his boss. Or slap his bum and playfully call him your b#%#@.....in front of his mommy.

8

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Define strategic kicking ?

RV u are a military theorist eh :)

9

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

no. study his family history and background, going back 3-4 generations. im not kidding. find out what kind of people they were.

people with unique characteristics / habits show in their descendants long after like there was this case a kid used to eat dirt all the time they found out his ancestors back during early subcontinent era used to clean sewers

10

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

this is disturbing,in a weird way..

11

Re: Is this abuse? and if not…what is it?

could be Home sapiens :chai:

12

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Easier said than done :p

13

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

True...but makes for a funny picture inside my head.

14

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Mind it - if your hubby is younger then you .. you might end up facing a trial for child abuse :)

15

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Yes, you are right. You're definitely on to something. This habit of playful/offensive tickling might be a recessive gene that skips a generation. Freud might have said that the tickling and smacking is reflective of sexual frustration.

The OP must not waste precious time. She should hurry and register on www.ancestry.com to get to the bottom of things. This is the only way for her to preserve marriage.

16

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

If he's older than 18....s'all good. Trial shmial.

17

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

Some ppl just have this exsessive need to touch....uts highly annoying. I have a desi friend who cant get a sentence inwithout slapping on the back or cheek etc of the person she is talking to....its just....u want to beat her with a soccer cleat! I dont know what to suggest though.... Since telling him off doesnt make him stop. Maybe diss his i tellectuality by saying something along the lines of....only frustrated ppl use hands to express....other more clever ppl use words.

18

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

whats that supposed to mean that he will never touch you again? can u clarify that part?

19

Re: Is this abuse? and if not…what is it?

I agree with this…some people have an excessive need to touch i dont think u can classify it as physical abuse…you may classify it as an invasion of personal space if you dont like it…if u do like it …well then there is a whole other classification :halo:

20

Re: Is this abuse? and if not....what is it?

nothing wrong with slaps on the bum but pinching and tickling? that's just so annoying. why don't you start hitting him back with a shoe or something?