is this a problem, ok well its my SIL wedding in jan, and as of yet even though my inlaws have told my parents its in jan, they havent told them the dates yet, yet they expect someone to come from here to pak for the wedding…my mum is also the sister of my FIL. my husband has asked me to ask them casually if they coming, and my MIL has asked me a few times while i was there and now im here she asked me once again if anyone will come. i dnt get it, why cant they ask them themsevles.
so i asked my hsuband why cant ur parents just ask my parents directly, why do they keep asking me. now my husband thinks im making a big issue out of nothing, because im also part of their household so if ive told them the dates it should mean the same thing as them telling, but i personally think its their job to atleast tell my parents properly, the dates and all, not everyone can just pop over to pakistan, i think people expect we all millionaires here can afford plane tickets easily.
its annoying me.
is this a issue im making, or is my husband right, he doesnt seem to think its a issue.
This is like the best opportunity to piss of your MIL by gracing her threshold with your presence....bring along other members of your family that she's none to fond of...bring along the whole tabbar.
Because your family is closely related to theirs, maybe they don't feel the need to be so formal with the invitation? What's the relationship like between your mother and your FIL? Ideally it would be courteous for your in-laws or your husband to invite yours parents directly. That's how it's done isn't it?
and yes the relationship is fine between them. its just that they arent really communicative at all. and yes they expect people to turn at to their weddn, its annoying cos they find it a issue to travel to another city for a wedding, yet they think us millionaire british people can afford tickets whenever they happen to have a wedding and that atlrast someone should be there because its their only daughters wedding. i can understand they would like someone there, but the fact that my parents dont even know the dates is a issue for me. my husband says its not and that it doesnt matter if they cant come, he was just asking if anyone was, but i feel for me that the elders should be asking my parents not asking me all the time.
theres nocards, and i think MIL is expecting someone because they organised the venues for my wedding, but i was marrying their son and we were coming for few weeks in the summer to pak for my wedding so naturally they would be helping us out because they live there and know more...also because yes its her only duahgters wedding, but i dnt mind the expectations, why cantthye just speak directly to my mum dad.....thats the issue.
so ur saying theres no such big issue here i shouldlt let it bother me?
the way i see it nadz my love, is that this is wrong on their part. but one needs to conserve energy for battles worth fighting. they should contact parents themselves, but there is a school of thought which will be like, you are contacting them so why should they bother. thats the grey area. it isnt a black and white issue. so save your strength.
Anything or everything is a problem if you choose to make it so. If your in-laws had said to you, don't you dare tell your parents the dates of the wedding because you're not really a part of their family, you would have been equally annoyed. Nadz, life is what you make. It can either be cooperative, compromising, empathetic and joyful OR it can be suspicious, confrontational and miserable. The difference is in both the perspective you choose to take and the effort you put into making relationships work.
Nadz, your inlaws should send your parents an invitation and not expect you to convey their message. It's only common courtesy. Don't know how things work in pakistan, but in india, a wedding invite is always sent, no matter how close or distant the relationship is. In addition to sending the invite by mail most people also extend a personal invite over the phone. A second hand invite is considered half-hearted and rude.
Having said that let your parents decide if they want to travel to pakistan. In case they are feeling pressurized to attend, ask your husband to talk to them and tell them its okay if they're not able to. Air tickets aren't cheap!
Just tell them the dates. They've got a ton of things to do with the wedding preparations...and they probably figured that since you live with your parents and know the details about the wedding..(date, time, etc) that you'll inform them. Since nobody from your family can make it to the shaadi...and since you yourself are not too keen on being there it seems....then does it really matter who tells them about the dates? Look at it this way: Your family will be disappointing them by not being able to attend the wedding...therefore just tell your parents the date and get it over with.
Or the next time that you're Skyping with your husband...have your parents talk to him/his parents about the wedding. It may ease the tension. The courteous thing would be that your MIl/FIL invite your parents themselves...even if they don't send a card...they can at least do it over the phone. But if neither side is going to budge...then it can lead to a grude developing...with one side accusing the other of not being interested in the wedding...and the other side thinking that they're not liked enough to receive a direct invitation. Someone has to be mature enough to break the awkwardness. You're going to have to go back to Pak in a few months....the last thing you need is for your in-laws to hold another petty thing against you. Is it really worth it?
Just tell them the dates. They've got a ton of things to do with the wedding preparations...and they probably figured that since you live with your parents and know the details about the wedding..(date, time, etc) that you'll inform them. Since nobody from your family can make it to the shaadi...and since you yourself are not too keen on being there it seems....then does it really matter who tells them about the dates? Look at it this way: Your family will be disappointing them by not being able to attend the wedding...therefore just tell your parents the date and get it over with.
Or the next time that you're Skyping with your husband...have your parents talk to him/his parents about the wedding. It may ease the tension. The courteous thing would be that your MIl/FIL invite your parents themselves...even if they don't send a card...they can at least do it over the phone. But if neither side is going to budge...then it can lead to a grude developing...with one side accusing the other of not being interested in the wedding...and the other side thinking that they're not liked enough to receive a direct invitation. Someone has to be mature enough to break the awkwardness. You're going to have to go back to Pak in a few months....the last thing you need is for your in-laws to hold another petty thing against you. Is it really worth it?
in my families we dont invite brother or sisters and they just come as they know every thing about it. those married out of family, formal cards are sent just incase their Inlaws dont create any fuss.
it works both ways. Both ur parents should ask them about the wedding date and your inlaws should inform them. any wedding in my family, even though we are far away from pakistan, we are fully informed by family memebrs.
I wonder if they're not telling your parents the dates has something to do with you taking your daughter with you. Is it more than just them not having a very communicative relationship with your parents ....as in could there be a grudge? Even if they don't communicate often with your parents...a wedding is a huge deal...and one doesn't need to be super close to a relative in order to share the dates/send an invitation. I'm not trying to encourage you to doubt your in-laws' intentions or think ill of them....but what if this were some twisted game that could be used against you. For example, what if your MIL knows that you'd make a big deal out of this and expect them to call your parents first.......and then this reaction of yours will give her a "reason" (albeit a stupid one) to complain to your husband about your "nakhray" and disrespect. If she has such an expectation from you..........then why not just surprise her ...and let her down at the same time.......by taking the higher road telling your parents the date? Don't fuel the situation with the "No, you first" attitude and give your in-laws the drama they might be looking for. And if things have improved a bit beteen you and your husband...don't make them tense again. You're not fond of your in-laws...your family is not close to them.....it's no bid deal for you to disuss the matter first.
I am not sure why you are not telling them the date, if you know them. You should let your parents know what the dates are and let them decide if they can travel at that time or not. I don't think it is a big issue. If your parents can't make it, they should call them, congratulate and maybe send a little gift for your SIL.
I am not sure why you are not telling them the date, if you know them. You should let your parents know what the dates are and let them decide if they can travel at that time or not. I don't think it is a big issue. If your parents can't make it, they should call them, congratulate and maybe send a little gift for your SIL.
No, you must not send a gift to the SIL unless you've received an invitation directly from her parents. In fact, that's exactly how the in-laws should be paid back.....with no gift whatsoever....if they can't get their act together. That's the best way to bring peace to an already strained marriage. By making a "big deal" about an invitation from people you don't like...and a wedding that you don't much care for.:p
you also know word tabbar.